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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your dp works Xmas day...

30 replies

Ahardmanisgoodtofind · 21/09/2015 12:04

I know I abu for bringing up the festive season so bloody early. BUT
What do you do? Dp will be working again this Christmas eve and day.he's a chef so works every mothers/fathers/Easter and now Christmas day. Last year we opened presents in morning (rather rushed and stressful) and I had knocked up Christmas dinner for when he got in (also rushed and stressful). This year ds has more understanding of when Santa visits and how advent counts down and we have dd who will be around 5months (so I'm unlikely to be cooking with those two driving me batty around). My parents are also working,so can't go there either. Do I move Xmas and hope ds doesn't notice?

OP posts:
milkmilklemonade12 · 21/09/2015 12:08

My mum used to work Christmas Day in an Old Folks' home when I was a little girl. We'd have breakfast and open presents super early, then have Christmas dinner when she got back and a snacky lunch. I really enjoyed it!

milkmilklemonade12 · 21/09/2015 12:11

Sorry, just saw you did that last year and didn't like it! I don't know, you can shift it round if you want to... But if your DS is counting down then I'd keep Christmas Day for when he has his presents still, but Boxing Day do the food or go out and be waited on!

Christmas lunch doesn't have to be a roast. Absolutely not. You could plan it with your DS, and let him have all his favourite foods. My DC would choose chicken nuggets, chips, cheesy pasta, garlic bread, pizza and then a massive chocolatey dessert!

5inabed · 21/09/2015 12:16

My dh is also a chef not sure if he's working this year yet but I hope not! I have 3 dcs who would all know if I shifted the date (9,7 &5) so we just do it without him. Make the dinner usually get a wee visit from my dps and my inlaws. It's a bit crap him not being there but not the end of the world. Kids just want to watch Christmas tv and play with their new toys anyway.

Babyroobs · 21/09/2015 12:19

I have to work every alternate Christmas day. On the years I have to work it we just move Christmas dinner to Boxing day instead. My kids are older now so are able to wait to open presents until I get home.

DisappointedOne · 21/09/2015 12:22

I used to work Xmas day. My sister works 4 out of 5 Xmas days. We choose another day to have our family gathering. It's just a meal together - no presents or fuss. The same with DH's family. We generally choose a weekend in late Nov/early Dec and get it all out of the bloody way but we have been known to do it in July. 25th Dec is just another day we don't do anything on.

DisappointedOne · 21/09/2015 12:24

(We don't do Santa either, so there's no counting down. It's much less stressful!)

Cloppysow · 21/09/2015 13:13

I'd be inclined to just get nice treat food in for the day and have a dinner the next day.

FlopIsMyParentingGuru · 21/09/2015 13:26

In terms of meals if you really want to do the full meal then I would seriously consider getting as much of it pre prepared as possibly.

Personally i would just give the DC a favourite meal at lunch and then have a buffet type meal or pizza type thing in evening together, lights down low and open all family presents together cuddled up in pyjamas. Let the DC open Santa presents in morning and make sure they include something like a craft set for the morning and a Christmas DVD for the afternoon. And a bottle of something for you!

Spartans · 21/09/2015 14:42

Dh was a chef, I worked in hospitality too. Dad was in the police and had to work christmas too. So it's the norm for us.

Early presents, light lunch, meal when they are home. With such young kids not a full on toast with all the trimmings.

We would do that another time.

Dbro travelled over Christmas a couple of years ago and he missed christmas, so we put up some decorations and had a traditional Christmas dinner to celebrate him coming home, in feb.

Have a family meal on another day, if you need to.

I am happy to say though that both me and dh don't work in that industry and dad is retired. This is our first family Christmas with everyone there. It is a pain and you have my sympathy.

Weathergames · 21/09/2015 14:46

OH is in the Navy so often away the whole of Dec/Jan/Feb.

We just carry on regardless Grin

ToastedStoat · 21/09/2015 14:54

Yes mine does. Ideally, we like an early shift where he is finished by 2.30, otherwise the knowledge he has to go to work sort of hangs over us.

Not sure how we are working things this year, eldest will be with his dad and I'll have the two little ones who will be 10 months and nearly 4. Baby won't know what's going on obviously but I don't think the three year old would be able to wait to open presents!

We have to work out seeing his parents on Boxing Day too which can be tricky.

Sighing · 21/09/2015 15:12

Usually, yes. The majority of bank holidays and weekends. On weekdays it tends to be overnight shifts - this is all standard in his line of work.This year he's having Christmas off work (!!) But I suspect his boss will offer him a juicy opportunity he wont want to pass up (but we're OK with that this year, lots of visiting planned, rather than all cosy at home).

Theycallmemellowjello · 21/09/2015 15:23

There might even be genuine lady mumsnetters who work Xmas day too.

HumphreyCobblers · 21/09/2015 15:29

The OP said DPs not DHs.

attheendoftheday · 21/09/2015 15:30

I am the one who works in our family. Dp also carries on regardless. If I'm lucky I start late enough to open stockings beforehand, but if not then dp just does it with the kids. We aim to have Xmas dinner before or after, depending on the hours I'm working.

Although we keep Xmas day on it's real day, we do try to have a designated lovely family day (Xmas eve ideally for us) where we spend time together doing nice things and have a nice buffet type meal.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 22/09/2015 05:04

Dh sometimes works Xmas. Weirdly it seems to happen more now the dc are older but that's just how his shift pattern and recent changes have fallen.

We don't worry about telling the dc that we're celebrating on a different day, really all that means is moving the meal aspect.

Father Christmas still comes on Xmas eve. Dh gets up in the morning, kids do stockings and a present or two which we know will occupy them for most of the day. Dh goes to work.

Depending on what shift he's working depends on whether I prep a big cooked meal while he's out or not. Last year he worked 7:45-5 so I moved the feast by a day. This year he's only working 4 hours hopefully so I'll be cooking while he's out. Kids will have opened some presents in the am and then the plan is to put some of the Xmas films on.

I've always found the dc are so overwhelmed with presents that we can easily spread that over 2-3 days. Which does help me with being home alone with 4dc. Because of the number of dc, we try and avoid going anywhere for the meal but I might pop and visit parents or inlaws. My parents and sister's family might come and visit but I only do mince pies/Xmas pudding and drinks rather than full on entertaining.

teacher54321 · 22/09/2015 06:46

Dh has worked horrible shifts all over Christmas for the last 5 years but this year is the worst-a week of 12 hour night shifts over Christmas week. So ds and I are going to visit family for the actual few days and Dh is going to his parents for those few days so he can sleep and eat nice food. We will miss him horribly on Christmas Day, but I've not seen my family on Christmas for 6 years because of DH's job. This year he wasn't supposed to be working, but has been promoted and now he is.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 22/09/2015 09:29

My ex used to choose to work Xmas day. Every year.

This was fine when we were a couple. And when ds was small.

But he continued to do so, when ds was at the Santa age.

Simple because he didn't like Xmas. Perfectly happy to accept presents from everybody though.

Now he is an ex, me and dcs have a much nicer Xmas!

Choose something that works for your family and ignore what everybody else thinks.

Open/eat one day of his calendar things so Xmas is a day early? Get your parents in on the plan...
Or the reverse, distract him with something so he "forgets" a day on the calendar.

AuntieStella · 22/09/2015 09:34

Could you go continental, and deliberately open presents on Christmas Eve? Thus starting now a tradition that could endure even as your DC grow and become more aware of exact date.

Then find something special to do on Christmas Day in the morning. And as that sounds exactly like a carol, finding a good family service with plenty of carols might be something to consider.

DisappointedOne · 22/09/2015 10:28

Or free yourself from the tyranny of a completely made up festival and do what you want to do, with the people you want to do it with, whenever you want to do it!

Beth2511 · 22/09/2015 10:36

My OH works every other christmas, to match which year we have DSD on xmas day and which year we have her on boxing day. DD is too young at the moment to understand but we are planning, because we pick DSD in the evening on xmas day, that we are going to open a couple of presents xmas day evening (pjs, a game, a dvd and a story) then the rest boxing day morning with our dinner in the evening,

Original poster
Ahardmanisgoodtofind · 22/09/2015 11:14

Dp is apparently working Xmas eve til late, and boxing day too.I think I'm just going to have to do Xmas day with just me and dc,open a couple of presents with dp if their up early enough, and spend the day playing and eating nothing but selection boxes. Maybe keep a couple of presents for when dp is eventually off and have two Christmases. Possibly three by the time we get a day to visit all the grandparents. This will be the year of endless Christmases.

OP posts:
YBR · 22/09/2015 12:26

I will be working Christmas this year; DDs are 2 & 4. It's a 12 hour shift 8-8 so they'll be in bed by the time I get home - no "meal when I get home" option. I'm arranging to borrow a car from a friend (usually take the train to work so we've only got one) so they can go to relatives on the day and not be trapped at home. Other than that we consider Christmas a movable feast.

whois · 22/09/2015 14:03

Dad worked alternate years. We would eihter have my gran up and just do xmas as normal on xmas day, or go to my aunts and do xmas as normal. Dad wasn't fussed about xmas.

sproketmx · 22/09/2015 14:26

Yeh he sometimes does, there isn't really a single day his company don't work. This year he's on call on auld years night so can't even have a drink but I shall have some for him Grin it's a pita but can't be helped

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