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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To think Fiance is playing mind games with me and setting me up to fail all the time?

18 replies

DiaryDiary · 21/09/2015 11:12

I recently started a new job. It's a post grad position and the first step of my career. DP told me that there was a band he wanted to go and see for his birthday in October and he wanted me to get two days off work. I put the request in but anyone who knows anything about nursing - you don't get to find out the success of your requests for quite some time after submission!

So basically he nagged on and on at me. Said I wasn't trying hard enough, said I'd not put any effort into getting the time off, said I wasn't bothered about his birthday and was basically not playing ball. I told him I had requested the dates off but I couldn't make the manager answer them any sooner than she intended to. FFS I'd only just started the job, last thing I wanted to do was get on her tits by being a nag about time off!

So anyway, his sulking and moaning went on for weeks. On Thursday however, I saw that my requests had been approved. Relived I text him and received a rather sedate response. I assumed he was busy.

Got home and he didn't even mention it. So I said "are you not chuffed that I got those dates off?" and he replied "yeah, but I've been thinking maybe we shouldn't bother with that band and we should go and do something else the weekend before."

Are you fucking kidding me? after all that?? I have a few examples of this kind of thing btw but this one really got me thinking the man is just constantly setting me up to fail. He's never going to be satisfied with anything I do is he?

OP posts:

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 21/09/2015 11:15

He sounds like a sulky 14 year old.
How long have you been together? Does he have form for this?

AnyFucker · 21/09/2015 11:18

You posted this on another thread, yes ?

The answers will be the same. He sounds like a mindfucker and my advice would be to get rid and concentrate on your great new career. Congratulations, btw

BolshierAyraStark · 21/09/2015 11:19

In a word, no.
He sounds like such hard work, not a man I'd choose to spend the rest of my life with-what about you?

nauticant · 21/09/2015 11:27

Is this the third thread you've posted about this OP? The first in Relationships, the second in Chat, and the third in AIBU?

It might be best to stick to one thread.

Allgunsblazing · 21/09/2015 11:27

He's an idiot. Granted requests in nursing are rare and an absolute pain to get. Book yourself in a nice hotel with dinner, massage, a pool and don't think any more of it.
On the other hand, I know you're new and bottom of the pecking order etc. Still. Don't be too flexible and accomodating. Never explain never complain is a good mantra. Make sure all your requests are in writing.

Topaz25 · 21/09/2015 11:48

That doesn't sound good. TBH all that fuss about his birthday was out of proportion anyway, he's an adult, you making a good impression in your new job and building a career should take precedence over a birthday night out and he should understand that and be willing to work around your commitments. Then after all that pressure to get the time off he changes the date he wants to go out?! Did you ask him why when it was so important to him before and what did he say? Given that you feel he is setting you up to fail I think it would be a good idea to at least try couples counselling before committing to marriage. If him moving the goal posts to undermine you and under valuing your needs and career is an ongoing issue, I would reconsider the relationship.

laffymeal · 21/09/2015 12:03

Get out now.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/09/2015 12:11

Dump, dump, dump.

ImperialBlether · 21/09/2015 12:14

Is this the one where you work 3 long shifts and he moans about making a sandwich? The one you're planning to marry?

AnyFucker · 21/09/2015 12:15

yup

slightlynervous · 21/09/2015 12:17

Everyone, on all your threads, is telling you to get rid of this manipulative, unpleasant man.

What are you going to do?

Cloppysow · 21/09/2015 12:17

Why have you posted this under different usernames on different boards?

MajesticWhine · 21/09/2015 12:18

I don't know your other examples, so I don't know if you can extrapolate based in this one. But yes, it's really annoying and sounds like he is making you jump through hoops to see just how important he is. Next time he pushes you with a request that doesn't really work for you, don't play ball just say no.
(My H makes a big baby fuss about his birthday and it is possibly the least attractive thing about him)

laffymeal · 21/09/2015 12:19

Perhaps the OP is hoping someone will say "Oh no OP, it's all in your head, marry this lovely man and everything will be tickety-boo and jim dandy".

It won't OP, end the relationship while you still have the strength to do it.

specialsubject · 21/09/2015 12:20

is this sulky, moaning whinger the best you can do?

of course he isn't.

belt up, dump and move on.

Investmentspaidout · 21/09/2015 12:24

Dump him very quickly.

BMW6 · 21/09/2015 12:53

Seriously, run a mile in the opposite direction from him. Remember OP - this is as good as it's ever going to be. If he's this shitty now he'll only get shittier as time goes on.

Do yourself a huge favour and get rid fast. Even if you luuuuuurve him. He is a massive wanker and you deserve much better that him.

Aussiemum78 · 21/09/2015 12:54

You are young and starting a career. Your life is ahead of you. Don't get attached to a guy who will drag you down. There are better guys out there...supportive guys who understand you are starting a career and their birthday isn't centre of the universe.

Flip