To go out sometimes?

[CesareBorgiasUnicornMask]

DS is 14 months. Relevant details: still a fairly poor sleeper and still breastfed. I have never left him much - DH and I have left him with his Dad about twice, my Mum once and a hotel babysitter on our honeymoon. All for less than two hours. However, I have gone out a fair few times (probably less than ten) and left him with DH for an evening, and every time there is some kind of drama. He doesn't settle as well for DH (lack of boob) but he does take a bottle and go to sleep. It's just he's then not as easy to settle if he does wake again, and every time I go out DH has a terrible evening of screaming child. He gets very stressed by the not sleeping as well so I think they wind each other up. Basically I just feel guilty every time I go out. But AIBU to think that he should just deal with it? And also do so without whinging and ruining my night? I'd be home like a shot if there was an actual problem, but unsettled and.clingy child is just one of those things? It's probably only once every 8 weeks or so. And I deal with the baby on my own every evening he's at work (shifts) - but he seems to think because I have the magic boob it's no work at all as I can just nurse him back to sleep. Which is apart from anything else increasingly no longer the case as he's getting less and less interested in nursing. Anyway I'm currently on a train back from London after an evening out with friends, and when he'd asked me earlier when I'd be back I said 'certaibly not before 10.30, probably latter's. When he discovered I wouldn't actually be back til after midnight (earlier train cancelled) he yelled that I was irresponsible (I have work tomorrow -he doesn't) and that it's not fair as he will have to deal with a stressed, poorly slept baby all day tomorrow who will just want me.

Further info: he now looks after him on Mondays since I've returned to work,and they deem to be fine during the day. It's just evenings that are an issue.

Apologies that was mostly a rant...

And apologies for typos. Phone. Train.

I think you are doing brilliantly, and he needs to learn to trust himself to be a parent!

and you can tell him I said that!

Haha thank you! I think we may need to have a talk about this, and that phrase may be used!

To be serious, I think the first stages of a child's life sets up what the parent roles are. You get new mums who are ridiculously controlling (they don't think it but they are - I was too! it happens because we spend more time with them, particularly if they are breast fed), so the dad ends up handing over all responsibility.

New mums then turn round and complain it's all on them.

So, hard as it can be, (and not for you, I think) LET dad be a dad, even if he does if differently. Doesn't mean it's wrong.

And do parent together, even if it means doing things NOT "your" way.

You'll be the envy of everyone on the playground if you do.

Tiny example: I would ring up friends for a playdate. EVERY SINGLE dad who answered the phone would say "let me hand you over to DW". Except one. He would say "yes, I think she's free that day, but let me put you on to DW to confirm". Guess who my fav dad is!
We really should empower our men. Empowered men = better dads for our DC!

Yes I know what you mean. I have tried not to be too ridiculously controlling, and he has always been very hands-on - I was so knocked by the birth he did everything except feed DS for the first month or so. It's just he's hardly ever had to do massive chunks of time on his own. We're actually disagreeing seriously for the first time atm about sleep - he wants to sleep train and I don't yet, as I do feel he's gradually improving. But DH wants to sleep train which I think doesn't improve his temper with the wakings as he feels it could all be avoided if we sleep trained.