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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off with regards to my dads priest?

7 replies

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 20/09/2015 15:47

My father has been a member of his parish church for 30 odd years, since moving down to England. He goes a few times a week and is very involved (alter serving, helping with the collection etc). My sister and I attended the attached school (just a brief history to try and outline how much the church means to him)

Anyway, the priest that's been there for the past year or so has changed things, and possibly a bit drastically. I thought I'd get some broad opinions as he's reluctant to raise issues further (although from talking with fellow parishioners he knows he's not alone in how he feels)

All the service times have been changed, which in itself is fine but it's to allow his sermons to go over an hour and a half or so, which, I guess is down to personal opinion if you find that to long but he's now trying to stop the attached schools Sunday football league as it means the children were leaving a few mins early to get to their games. As this is part of a league, the school itself can't dictate the match times so would have to withdraw. I find this really sad as these kids are still making the effort to go to church, and it's not their fault that the extended service times mean they have to leave early.

Also, he's banned all talking in the church before the service begins. Obviously I can see his point in it allows for quiet prayer, but it's not like people where shouting and screaming. for a lot of elderly people, it's the only time they see their friends and now, they're not really allowed to acknowledge them while find a seat.

What's bought this all up, is I was talking to my father and he was saying how pleasant mass had been as the priest is away for a few weeks, and he can talking to his friends before the service begins. I think it's so sad that he doesn't generally enjoy something that he usually gets so much out of. He's in his 70's and church is really his only thing (no golf or anything like that)

There are quite a few other similar points, but I've already gone on to long, and quite a few people have changed churches already.

My sister was saying that there are plently of other churches of this denomination that my father can attend, but it seems sad that he has to leave all his friends because this priest is bulldozing through with his authoritarian approach. I know church is about prayer, but it used to be so much more inclusive, and much more of a joyful place. He actually sits in the pews before mass to discipline people for talking!

OP posts:
mummytime · 20/09/2015 15:53

Is there anyone higher up you can approach? A bishop?

Personally I think if he is quite like this, there will be quite a few people leaving the Church.

For example not all talk before the service is gossip or chit chat - someone might be seeking prayer or whatever.

Feilin · 20/09/2015 15:54

Not unreasonable at all but as for how to approach the priest I'm not sure how to help as my experience has usually been they know best and don't like being told they are wrong , some priests I've encountered have been downright rude and never have time or respect for their elderly parishioners . Is there someone higher at the church that could maybe be approached? Or in the area?

MythicalKings · 20/09/2015 15:56

Yes, talk to the bishop, he may not know how unhappy the parishioners are.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 20/09/2015 15:57

Exactly! The church should be supportive, and the relationships you build there should be as important as the prayers you say. My dad's pretty 'old school' and reluctant to rock the boat. It's not my parish, as I moved away, and it's hard to do anything based on hearsay, but I think something should be done so it's not ruined.

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 20/09/2015 16:03

Can they organise an after church cup of tea or something, so that they get some fellowship time?

The football thing is simply unreasonable ans sounds deliberately obstructive; hopefully the parents will take it up with the head.

Not all clergy are nice people.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 20/09/2015 16:04

Dad's against my writing a letter to the bishop, but I might do it anyway, as its not just about him, it's everyone else. I think it's especially when hard for elderly people, as I think when they grew up especially, the priests where incredibly important people to be obeyed at all costs.

OP posts:
DarkRosaleen · 20/09/2015 16:44

A new priest often brings change.
We got a new priest in our parish about 6 years ago, after 20 years with the previous incumbent.
The new one was like a whirlwind through the parish. He seems to have changed everything and even more changes are afoot.
He moved the choir. He changed mass times. He built a new parochial centre. He is building a new extension. He has told us all to chat outside and pray inside. He is an utter dervish.
Now we all think he is brilliant. All his changes make sense. I want him to live forever being my parish priest.

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