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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Children in park exposing themselves

55 replies

Yepyep333 · 19/09/2015 20:19

My daughter and her friend are both 12, they were in the park this evening and 2 girls and 3 boys came into the park, aged between 9-13 (they recognised one of the girls from school) the boys then took there trousers down to just above there knees and started going on all the equipment and laughing hysterically, my daughter and her friend moved, the boys then went over to them saying 'hi, it's a lovely day etc' (whilst standing with his trousers pulled down) I feel furious Is this what young children have to put up with now? I want to report it but to who I don't know!

OP posts:

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 20/09/2015 08:56

If any of my dcs were there, they would have been waiting for the lowered trouser boys to trip over their trousers. Even the toddler knows how trousers work!
Age-wise, they are probably Larkin around, being idiots. If your dd knows their names, you can email all the local schools. They might get a lecture in assembly.
Hygiene-wise, bare bums on things is a bit minging. I hope they wipe properly!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 20/09/2015 08:56

Catsize
Whether or not their motive was sexual and like you I have some doubts. They were using exposing themselves as a way of intimidating and harassing the OP's DD and that is more than being daft.

OP I would ring 101. It's better the police have a word now and stop it for the boys sake too. If it is just juvenile stupidity then the police can spell out the potentially serious consequences if they get caught doing it again.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 20/09/2015 09:10

They are doing it specifically to intimidate girls. Whether the motive is sexual or not, that is the intent. To the posters who said its just "being silly" would you be happy if your child was exposed to that?
And OP, well done on raising strong young women.

Catsize · 20/09/2015 10:22

What makes you think it was to intimidate or harass? They were 'laughing hysterically'. One made a comment about the weather (whilst not exposing himself in anyway) and the high jinks continued. I am prepared to give them the benefit of the doubt. Kids do stupid things. Let's let them be kids and not turn them into sex offenders. I will give them the benefit of the doubt for now. Can we not suggest the OP tries to speak to one of their parents first, before going running to the police??
And before anyone comes on with examples of people committing sexual offences whilst laughing etc., I am still prepared to give the benefit of the doubt, as the prime motive seems to have been the hilarity of going on slides and struggling up climbing frames with trousers at knee height, rather than an intention to intimidate or harass the girls present - either the girl they arrived with or the OP's DD and friend.

VintageTrouble · 20/09/2015 10:32

They were showing off in front of their friends, stupid but not sexual imo

OneDay103 · 20/09/2015 10:37

Catsize so these idiots are excused because they are just doing it for laughs? What happens as no one challenges them and they keep taking it a step further? It's stupid attitudes like this that allow children to get away with so much that's inappropriate.

Fatmomma99 · 20/09/2015 10:40

I'd def vote for reporting to community police. Not sure about school though, unless you know for sure which school it was. I'm not sure a school would consider what happens in a park on a Saturday night anything to do with them.

Crazypetlady · 20/09/2015 11:01

I think if it was a little girl doing this they wouldn't just be described as larking around. It's nothing to do with boys will be boys it's wrong.

Rainuntilseptember15 · 20/09/2015 11:11

My 8 year old regularly pulls down his trousers as bottoms and willies are just so hilarious. He is not trying to intimidate me. He knows it is "rude" and it is funny (to him). If he ever did it in public I would certainly want to know so I could put an immediate stop to it, but I hope it would not go to the police. As he is tall for his age others might think he was 9 or 10 but he is not.

MischiefInTheWind · 20/09/2015 11:14

Is he doing it in the privacy of his own home, with family, Rain?
Or in the middle of the supermarket, or at school?
If the former, then he knows where you are setting the boundaries and is keeping to them.

Brioche201 · 20/09/2015 11:19

They were not behaving appropriately (for their own or other children's protection), but clearly this was silliness not intended intimidation.I would agree withreporting it to the community police who will have a word with them.

margeys · 20/09/2015 11:28

Sounds like intended intimidation to me. Some of you see 9 or 10 year olds through the innocent eyes of a 5 year old.

OurBlanche · 20/09/2015 11:31

Oh dear. So, some boys were acting like idiots, been rude to provoke a reaction, testing their own bravura, and meeting some pretty good steel in the OPs DD by the sound of it.

We had another thread where many (including me) said that this has ever been the norm, a variation on I'll Show You Mine... the boys were being daft, stupid. But it doesn't sounds as though they intended actual harm.

These days, given the immediate leap to criminalise such actions, what do parents do when this happens? Well, it is simple. You do what people have always done, you phone your local bobby. A PCSO really can be trusted to throw a good scare into them.

Then they will have been punished, satisfying those who want to see a criminal sex act. They will be identifed by the local police, allowing for future action to be taken should any of the boys continue with this behaviour. Or, if they were doing it for a giggle they won't do it again as a good telling off and explanation of possible consequences will remove the fun factor.

In all cases more young women will be saved the sight of bare bums! Job jobbed and no further angst needed.

margeys · 20/09/2015 11:40

They were between 9 and 13 year olds. If you think boys of this age exposing themselves to girls in a public place, and following girls around exposing themselves is just larks, then I despair.
And no, this view is not some modern phenomena. Many years ago when I was a child, the chances are a father of one of the girls would have come out and whalloped the boys. Not the right reaction, but this would never have been okay.

StayWithMe · 20/09/2015 11:47

So at what age will the boys be before we stop saying "boys will be boys" and making excuses for them? I be we'll not see a mother coming on here and saying that their son was exposed to by girls in the park.

I would phone the non emergency number and report it OP. Why should you have to worry about your girls going to the park and what if it progresses? They've exposed themselves and got away with it so how will they up the anti next time? They need told NOW that this behaviour is not acceptable, rather than being left to think this is ok. Tbh at that age they are old enough to already know that. Why are people on here more concerned about these three boys rather than the girls? Your daughter needs to know that thus is not acceptable and that you will take steps to protect her from unwanted behaviour while she's young. You want to bring up a young woman that knows she has the right not to be harassed by men. You need to install that while she's still young.

thegiddylimit · 20/09/2015 12:00

Boys and men need to be told the things they do for 'larks' are intimidating and offensive for other people. Absolutely report to the non-emergency police line. If they are just being 'silly' then a stern telling off will stop them doing this or worse in the future.

Worst case scenario a child exposing themselves inappropriately is often a sign that that child themselves has been exposed to abuse, maybe a few reports of this kind of behaviour can help identify a boy who is doing this because he himself is being abused.

mrstweefromtweesville · 20/09/2015 12:07

Police.

They might just be pratting about but if they'd been pratting about in a shop by shoplifting, that would be a police matter too. Just because you're an idiot (even a temporary one because you're young) doesn't mean you can do anything that comes to mind.

OurBlanche · 20/09/2015 12:36

margeys - just in case your post was referring to mine - I agree that the boys need to be reprimanded, that behaviour was never OK, and yes, a clip round the ear would have been administered swiftly in my day too . I just disagree with the kneejerk reaction that they need to be criminalised, that they must have been intending to sexually abuse.

Bunbaker · 20/09/2015 12:39

I'm not sure that it is the school's responsibility to deal with this.

brokenhearted55a · 20/09/2015 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catsize · 20/09/2015 12:42

Of interest OP, do you know how the two girls they went to the park with reacted?

specialsubject · 20/09/2015 12:45

report. Intimidation and bullying. Also a possible sign of something wrong at home.

ALassUnparalleled · 20/09/2015 12:45

They were between 9 and 13 year olds. If you think boys of this age exposing themselves to girls in a public place, and following girls around exposing themselves is just larks, then I despair

A 13 year old is more than old enough to understand the sexual implications of exposing his penis.

StayWithMe · 20/09/2015 13:32

Of interest OP, do you know how the two girls they went to the park with reacted?

What difference does how the girls reacted make? Little girls are still taught not to make a fuss, so they may have tried to laugh it of so that the boys didn't see that they were upset. How many times have we all reacted in a certain way then kicked ourselves later?

Although maybe not intentioned, this sounds like going down the path of victim blaming.

They didn't act frightened so it can't have been that bad.
They didn't cry so the poor wee boys didn't realise they were upset.
They laughed so it's ok, because they practically encouraged it.

ALassUnparalleled · 20/09/2015 13:50

Very good points StayWithMe

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