To not go to 40th birthday - feel like a shit bag

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

We have just returned from holiday. I have a 1 and a 2 year old and am 32 weeks pregnant. The holiday was Center Parcs so nice but not the most relaxing.

We are having extensive building work done and only have two habitable rooms (excluding kitchen) so I can't bloody find anything. Kid the builder has ripped out our two working bathrooms but not quite managed to finish installing then so we have no working shower or bath - will be finished tomorrow.

I look like shit and am exhausted. I can't find any clean clothes and think my make up bag is in the depths of our roof box

But...it is a friend's 40tg birthday tonight. She is having a big party - not an intimate soirée - and I accepted the invite a few months ago.

I really feel like I want to die and the party is in a glamorous bar. The only shoes I have are my uggs and some Birkenstocks. Plus I only have one clean maternity top that I can access and I've just noticed that it has a bleach stain on it.

Would it be awful not to go? I was thinking of texting and say I would take her out for afternoon tea (I'll have more suitable clean clothes as will have done washing by then and will send DH to the storage place to retrieve some better shoes) at a v posh hotel near us.

I just feel very bad at not going but the thought makes me want to burst into tears.

Don't go op, explain why, if shes a nice df she'll understand.

Sounds like a plan. Text her. Tell her you are just home and exhausted.
And will make it up to her when you feel better.

Don't go - celebrate another day, these things happen.

blame pregnancy hormones and promise you'll make it up to her at a later date.

V impressed you've got a builder to come out on a Sunday!

Have a stinky early night tonight!

Oh thank you for replying (and being nice!) - I just feel awful as I know it's really important to go to things if you've said you will.

I would totally understand and I think she will too. Just don't want her to think i'm a flake!

Totally understand how you feel - as long as you won't regret taking the opportunity to get away from the chaos!

Our builder is totally lovely. He's popping round tonight just to go through a few things too. He feels terrible they aren't finished but tiles were delayed. If anyone in the NW needs a builder, PM me!

I think he's really worried they will all be here when the baby is born!

I hope the afternoon tea (plus I have a present) will be nice and kind of extend the festivities

btw, just a word of warning (having seen the title of another thread). Just be warned that the party host is prob v nervous right now that her party won't go well, and will probably be having others cancel at the last minute. If she's snappy with you, put it down to her party nerves and don't take it personally!

fat - that's what's making me feel awful. I really dont want to do anything to spoil it for her. Not that my lack of presence would do that but texting her at the last minute

DH has suggested texting her a photo of what I look like. He's also pointed out that the only bag I have not in storage is the changing bag. Which looks like a changing bag.

I think what your DH suggested is good. You don't want to come across as can't be bothered.

Yabu. Hate bailers. What if all the guests couldn't be bothered? You feel bad because you should feel bad!

I think you should go. if you just got back from holidays it doesn't look very good, but like you can't be bothered. can't you go and make a brief appearance?

You should go, it would be nice to get out of your mess for an hour.

Just nip into Tesco en route and buy a couple of bits of cheap make up and wear your maternity top.

By all means it's ok to stay at home exhausted but don't go because you might look scruffy! Your friend doesn't care what you look like

I agree, go for an hour! I've a terror of holding a party and nobody showing up.