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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not answer this email? (Bday party related)

15 replies

ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 19/09/2015 10:25

DS1 is having his 4th bday party today.

When asked who he wanted to invite he said A and B. After encouragement I got a few more names and a month ago I emailed the parents of 10 children with the invitation.

6 accepted, 4 declined (including best friend A unfortunately).

B's mum accepted which thrilled DS. They were in the same class last year (not uk) and aren't this year but always play together in the playground.

Last night B's mum emails me and says they can't accept the invitation (Hmm she already has) because B's godmother is visiting tomorrow and sorry for the late notice.

I'm Pissed off and sad for DS who will be really disappointed. Normally I'd politely reply that it doesn't matter but it does. It's only a two hour party in our flat and the local park. I'd have happily accommodated B coming for only part of it. Her email was cold and formal and I don't feel inclined to reply. AIBU?

OP posts:
minionmothaa · 19/09/2015 10:29

I completely understand, quite poor behaviour on her part I think!

In your shoes OP I would probably send a very brief message back - maybe even just "ok. [name]"

It is rude of her but you will be taking the moral high ground if you send something back I think

SouthWesterlyWinds · 19/09/2015 10:29

As you emailed, I don't know if the mum had your number to contact you on? The problem with emails and texts is that a voice can be read into it in different ways. Cold, rushed, the fact that B's mum might be peeved with the last minute change with plans. Just quickly email back saying thank you for letting you know and you hope B has a lovely day with his godmother. You've got a busy enough day ahead and hopefully your DS will be too busy to notice.

BarbarianMum · 19/09/2015 10:31

Probably, but I think I'd struggle to come up with anything appropriate too. As ignoring is better than responding "You're right, it is short notice, isn't it?" I'd go with that.

On a positive note, your ds may mind less than you think when he's caught up in the excitement. Maybe tell him just as the party starts.

AlisonWunderland · 19/09/2015 10:35

At 4, I would assume some mums would stay during the party. Why not suggest that godmother is welcome to come along too.
It's only 2 hours- she might enjoy it

WorraLiberty · 19/09/2015 10:35

If you're happy to accommodate him for part of it, why not reply and let her know that?

Or offer to pick up/drop off if that's possible?

It might just be the practicalities of it that she's having trouble with?

KoalaDownUnder · 19/09/2015 10:36

I would reply nothing more than 'Thanks for letting us know, Spidersman'.

My usual thing is to say no problem, hope he has a lovely day with his godmother, yadda yadda, but I'm kind of over that. It is a problem to disappoint a child at the last minute for such a pathetic reason. I'm sick of telling people their rudeness is fine! Angry

Original poster
ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 19/09/2015 10:38

Good point worra

I Put my phone number at the bottom of all my emails so she could have rung.

I think I will say he's welcome to come to part if he wants. I Would feel rude saying DS will be disappointed which is true.

OP posts:
Original poster
ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 19/09/2015 10:38

Oh and here parties are drop and run even aged 4

OP posts:
Original poster
ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 19/09/2015 10:43

Totally agree koala. It stinks of we have a better offer.

I'd have preferred her to lie and say he's ill.

They live 5-10 minutes walk from us.

OP posts:
OddlyLogical · 19/09/2015 11:09

I would reply to say 'that is a real shame, DS will be so disappointed'

OneDay103 · 19/09/2015 11:14

I wouldn't put any PA responses because you don't know how often he sees the GM or if there is a specifi reason she's visiting. Things come up, that's life!

I would however say something like, 'if he wants to pop around even for a little bit to see DS that wouldn't be a problem.'

Grapejuicerocks · 19/09/2015 11:29

I'd say "that's a shame' ds will be so disappointed. Please feel free to pop in for only part of it, if you are able to.

maddening · 19/09/2015 11:35

I would reply - no worries, but if godmother wants to come along too we have plenty of tea and biscuits for the grown ups :) ds would be over the moon is B could make it, if not we can arrange a play date another time, if I don't see you before have a lovely day x

Trills · 19/09/2015 11:48

You're more likely to get a better outcome for your DS if you do reply.

I don't think it sounds like "we have a better offer", I think it sounds like "someone who is not often around has surprised us with a visit".

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/09/2015 11:55

I'd say what Grapejuice suggests, tbh. Let her know that her rudeness WILL have an impact on your DS.

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