Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When you meet up with old friends and all they talk about is their kids..

61 replies

BrendaandEddie · 19/09/2015 07:07

the type of mate you have known for years, but who are SO invested in their kids school and exam results/love life that it is their only topic of covo,,,

How do you move it to more interesting things? ( Once you have done the basic = are they alright kind of stuff?)

OP posts:
MagicMojito · 19/09/2015 13:20

Having friends is a minefeild! Threads like this make me very glad I fly solo.

MagicMojito · 19/09/2015 13:22

*minefield

ilovesooty · 19/09/2015 13:24

panda I'd pull out and I'd tell them exactly why.

ScarletRuby · 19/09/2015 13:26

I don't have kids (but I do work with them so at least I can get the jist) and I met up with 5 old school friends the other day. Between us we had 8 degrees, two of us have had Managing Director level roles and 3 of us have lived abroad. As a group we struggled to bade a conversation about anything but children. It was so demoralising.

ScarletRuby · 19/09/2015 13:27
  • struggled to have.
JimmyGreavesMoustache · 19/09/2015 13:30

only one of my old school mates has kids, apart from me, so luckily I am spared all of this.

the child free ones always politely ask to see a recent photo and then go back to talking about horrendous work faux pas or holidays or other normal stuff.

squoosh · 19/09/2015 13:31

My core group of friends rarely talk about kid stuff when we get together.

DinosaursRoar · 19/09/2015 13:37

panda - to be fair, if they are still in the baby stage, then it is a bit all consuming to begin with, particularly if you have a non-sleeper... (which the sleep pattern obsession might be an indicator of!) Most woman 'snap back' into the real world after their DCs get to toddling about - but those who don't tend to be the sort who'd bang on about their work before. (It might not have been as noticable if you knew them through work or they did something interesting, so it was interesting to you to talk about.)

pandarific · 19/09/2015 13:55

Thanks ilovesooty. Unfortunately they're not actually my friends - I'm the girlfriend of one of their old male friends of long standing, so I am invited along to things as 'one of the girls'. So I can't really refuse, as to refuse makes it awkward for OH as essentially his girlfriend is saying 'I don't like you and I can't be arsed.' It's a bigger group though and no babies along this time so hopefully won't be too bad. TBH I'm picky about my friends anyway and kind of resent being co-opted into a group I don't really want to be in the first place (one particular irritant is a UKIP voter who got annoyed about gay marriage...). I tend to just grit my teeth and go and seethe internally with resentment / guilt.

Oh I totally get that DinosaursRoar but they were being so blatant! I was chatting away and trying to interject, but it was just SO blatant that I was being completely ignored that I got pissed off. I ended up playing a game with a 6 year old on a mobile phone because there was literally no-one else to talk to. WHAT AN EXCELLENT DAY OUT. Hmm

Original poster
BrendaandEddie · 19/09/2015 15:54

I've only known her as a mum. But tiny kids you do. Older kids surely it wears off? Please. She is funny and clever. It doesn't need to all be about schools.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrendaandEddie · 19/09/2015 15:58

What Dino said. Little babies you do. Older kids noooo

OP posts:
laffymeal · 19/09/2015 16:05

The ones that go on about their teenagers social lives drive me insane. I have two teenagers and would never dream of listing their diaries to middle aged women but some of my friends appear to believe I'll be endlessly fascinated to know jack went to Michael's party and then on to a club and oh how popular and sought after her dcs are. Grrr. Grin

thegiddylimit · 19/09/2015 16:08

With LOs it's inevitable, I remember having a friend round when DD2 was small (so DD1 was still under 2) and I was shattered and I just thought to myself 'I have absolutely nothing to talk about except my children'. I found it quite depressing TBH. Nowadays I always think children tend to be a fairly easy conversation, I love my job but talking about your friends at work to your friends outside work is a bit boring as well isn't it so I don't often talk about work to e.g. my family. DH and I bore each other stupid talking about our work but that's different Grin.

catslife · 19/09/2015 16:14

Introduce them to MN, I am sure they will take great pleasure at all the threads on here about schools and exam results!
As parent to teenagers it does get a bit better and it's nice to give mums of babies and toddlers a reminder that the stage of sleepness nights and weaning don't last forever. (It's really wondeful having a teenager who lies in till 10am at weekends for example). The schools talk still occurs but the primary school we used (that ended up in Special measures and parents thought we were mad not moving our child) is now one of the best in the area so remind them that schools can change.
It doesn't end totally though as now i'm being asked which uni my child will go to...........! Facebook posts of former school friends dcs receiving top grades aren't that helpful either!

laffymeal · 19/09/2015 16:23

I've genuinely found it worse with teenagers, particularly exam results, uni places, driving lessons, jobs, campa-fucking-merica, boyfriend /girlfriend, 18th birthday party outdoing each other not so stealth boasts, it's not interesting, it's not.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 19/09/2015 16:36

I have a 22 month old and an EBF 10 week old. I have literally nothing else to talk about.

emotionsecho · 19/09/2015 16:44

Irrespective of those mothers being sleep deprived or sleep obsessed they were damn rude pandarific, I would have got up and joined the men and been quite clear as to why if asked. Did you say anything to your OH pandarific?

I guess your friend is unaware that you are glazing over with boredom, OP, which is usually the case with those who are so limited in their focus whether that is children, work, or any other topic. If you want to keep her as a friend then point it out to her gently that although you are interested in her children you would rather the entire conversation was not solely about them.

pandarific · 19/09/2015 17:21

I would have done emotionsecho but honestly I couldn't be arsed. They were standing up and we were sitting down and I am lazy Grin, and their conversation looked equally boring (an x-box game).

I did complain A LOT to OH basically as soon as we were out of earshot, and he had noticed. I've asked him to come and sit next to me if we're ever in that situation again, but it's odd - this particular group often splits itself down gender lines. All the men go and talk, and all the women go and talk about weddings, and babies. It's weird - I've never had a social group that do that before.

Original poster
BrendaandEddie · 19/09/2015 17:40

SO AGREE laffy
who know who snogged who etc. We just don't talk about this

OP posts:
Getyercoat · 19/09/2015 18:08

People going on and on about any specific subject are tedious.
I'm conscious of not nattering about my kids with my oldest, childfree friend, but she goes on and on about her boss and her job. It's hard to stay engaged in one-way rants about her work, which even she would concede is boring!

laffymeal · 19/09/2015 18:26

I have a normally lovely friend I meet for a dog walk every week and her dd has just started high school and I now could tell you the names and addresses of all her new classmates and their parents occupations, it sucks Brenda it really does Grin

emotionsecho · 19/09/2015 19:33

Oh dear pandarific, I also don't know social groups that split like that, it sounds terribly old fashioned, best of luck for the next outing!

WorldsBiggest do you not have opinions and interests in anything else, I find it hard to believe that you have literally nothing else you could talk about.

ShouldHavenotOf · 19/09/2015 20:54

My really close mates and I have children ranging from 10 up to 17. We give them a cursory mention, but then talk about anything but.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 20/09/2015 03:39

Emotion yes of course I have interests, I just don't have time to follow them at the moment. DH is out the house 12 hours a day at work, I'm either entertaining a toddler or breastfeeding a newborn. I haven't even watched the news since the baby was born. I am very, very boring at the moment. Of course, i don't even get chance to see my friends at the moment so the situation where I would only talk about my children doesn't arise, thankfully! Hopefully by the time I have chance to socialise again I'll hopefully have something else to talk about.

claraschu · 20/09/2015 04:19

Here are some topics which I find more boring than hearing people talk about their children: horses, home improvements/ renovations, shopping, holidays.

An interesting person could hold my attention on any of these subjects, except horses.

Children are actually pretty interesting in the hands of a skilled conversationalist.