To be annoyed at PIL

[Memyselfandthatotherperson]

Who look after ds (2) Friday once a fortnight and won't let him sleep.

He usually sleeps after lunch for 1-2 hours but when PIL have him he's lucky to get 30 mins and not til late afternoon. And then they proudly say 'he'll sleep well tonight'. No - he bloody won't. He'll be grumpy and overtired and it will ruin our Saturday together.

We've given advice on how to get him to sleep but (and I've seen them do this) as soon as he stirs slightly they excitedly say hello and wake him up. They want to play again.

Last night it took from 630 to 8pm go get him to sleep and he's been agitated all night.

AIBU to think they should put his needs ahead of their own and accept that a good chunk of their one day a fortnight with him will be boring.

No yanbu I'm not sure what else you can do though assuming you have explained to them how it affects his sleep at night

Can he stay over that night or come to yours to baby sit so they can see the effect it has?

They should follow your guidance but in 6mts or so it will be a non issue when he fully drops his nap. So I'd let it go.

Ay the moment he clearly needs the sleep. In six months time he wont. So until then Id collect him just before nap time and bring him home for a sleep.

My DM didnt understand that good sleep in the day = good sleep at night at that age, and it took a few days of her seeing how shattered I was after broken nights sleep to understand (she is a CM so minded my DD).

Can't they see him more often? They obviously treasure every moment with him and for that reason alone I can't condemn their actions regarding his sleeping or lack of it.

Why can't you condemn them Quite? They're being selfish idiots by putting their own needs above those of the child they're caring for. Just because they want to play doesn't mean they get to. They're being dicks.

My grandparents look after my son 1 day a week and we have exactly the same battle. They also let him get away with murder so he comes home full of mischief.
As irritating as it is we know they only do it out of love so we just get on with it, like pp said, it won't be forever (although the spoiling might be ).

Is there any chance you could swap to a midweek day to limit damage done to your Saturday family time?

Well stop sending him there then. That'll learn 'em.

But seriously, your husband should be on this one, reiterating ds' routine.

This is going to sound so sanctimonious and I don't mean it to... But that's what happens when you enlist free child care. On the plus side, you don't have to pay them (presumably)...

I think that's a rather sweeping generalisation, Dowager. DM looks after my DD while I'm at work (she offered and won't accept any money) and she is very careful to stick to the routine DH and I follow rather than doing what she thinks is right. It's not about money, it's a question of respect.

Apologies, I worded it incorrectly. It's not 'what happens'; rather the danger is - when you enlist free childcare via family members it can be difficult to rectify it because a). it's awkward to have that conversation, and b). they're doing you a massive favour, so it's very difficult to put stipulations in place in the way you would, if it was a more formal, paid arrangement.

If you want to ensure your DC adheres to a strict schedule, then you either need to have a difficult conversation with your PIL, or you need to consider alternative childcare.

Or, the third option ... carry on seething, and saying nothing.

This is the downside of free family childcare.

Either pay for care where you can stipulate the routine or accept that free care isn't always delivered how you'd prefer.

I agree with the dowager.

I am a nanny and my bosses can stipulate rules etc to me and in this case can say make sure DC naps for 2 hours in the cot at 12.

However we have all agreed that on the days that grandparents have the dc that naps are out of the window - if they manage to get dc to nap at th right time or place thats a bonus - generally its in the pram 2 hours later than usual. However - we agreed that actually for 1 day a fortnight it didnt matter and it was more about the relationship between them all - and they had to deal with those circumstances.

Thanks for the replies.

It certainly is awkward to have that conversation. I left it to my DH as coming from me it would sound like an attack.

They have helped us out with covering childcare, although sometimes, like yesterday, I could have had the time off work but they wanted to see him. They would definitely do it more, but they live 1.5 hrs away and are enjoying golf and bridge in their retirement

I just want my pfb to be happy and healthy