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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Difficult situation with neighbour

25 replies

Susaroo · 18/09/2015 16:40

Hi all,
I am having some issues with my neighbour. This is a bit long winded, sorry, but i am quite upset and hurt and could do with some constructive feedback.

Here's some background on the neighbour: My neighbour and I became friends after dhe moved in and our kids (now 5) started playing together in the communal garden. She does not drive, so over the 2 years i would take her food shopping, to town shopping, take ids on days out, doctors appointments, etc.
For a while, she would also have her daughter knock my door and pretty much stay for the day whilst she showered, dreesed, cleaned, watch tv, etc. sometimes she would come in for a cuppa but then they would both stay the whole day and even expected to get fed lunch and dinner. My husband would some times suprise with a take away if he had a good week in work but got fed up of coming home and finding them sat there, refusing to leave and watching us eat our dinner with her daughter nagging for our food and mum saying no but not leaving. So he said something and she got the hint and did it less.
Her daughter also aggrevated our son and would not let him play with his own toys...she'd kick up a fuss saying he wouldn't share when he had only just picked it up. I also caught her lying a few times about my son to get him in trouble. So i stopped them hanging out so much and eventually they'd only see each other in the garden.

About a month ago, we walked out the block on our way to a farm to meet some friends and her daughter was sat on the playing and starting talking to us. She told me she didnt want to be left alone or dragged around the flats as her mum cleaned the flats (shes the cleaner for the communal areas). So i spoke to her mum and offered to take her to the farm but she said she already had plans but maybe have a cuppa later. I left it at that. The following weeks i went away and got caught up with work and didnt see her. Then one day i realise she has actually been avoiding me and ignoring my texts. Even if i bumped into her i'd say hi and she'd reply whilst rushing off. I had no idea why so i left it and thought she'd let me know when she was ready.

Then 2 days ago i go out into the garden to pack away all the toys and chairs to find the mini bouncy castle i had left on the communal washing line (let the rain wash off the dirt) had been thrown on the grass and the washing line has been put down. It was ruined and gross. I wasn't happy. I put a wendy house and toys in the garden for my son but told everyone they are welcome to use it any time but please look after it and let me know if anything gets damaged. I thought that was fair. I stupidly, put a status on facebook saying i was basically annoyed that no one told me it was rotting on the ground but were happy to use everything ( i know, i know
Please domt focus on my stupid moment). This was not aimed at anyone in particular since i had no idea who did it and there are a few ppl who use the stuff in the garden.

I then get a s*ty text from this neighbour. I try to be reasonable but she keeps having the a go and i snap and call her out on her recent behaviour (some attitude included). She really doesnt like that. She wont sort this face to face either and sticks to text!!! I wind up telling her it was nice knowing her and take care as i've had a gutsfull of the texts.

The following day she corners my husband expecting him to back her up but is instead shocked to find out my husband knows everything and agrees with his wife. He even tells her she has been ignoring us for weeks, so she starts shouting (other neighbours present for audience effect) " i feel like a victim in my own home, i shouldn't be made to feel this way".

After everything, i feel used by her. I still have no idea why she decided to ignore us in the first place.

How do i handle the situation??

Thanks

OP posts:
Fatmomma99 · 18/09/2015 16:45

It's difficult because you live so close and there are communal areas, but I would go for icy politeness towards her. Certainly no more offers of help or driving her anywhere.

With regards to the children, if you think your children enjoy playing with hers, then allow it (maybe just in the communal areas, not in your home) and if not, then just don't encourage it.

She doesn't sound like much of a loss.

Also suggest you defriend from FB, but I'm not a big FB user, so not sure if that's good advice or not.

Hope this is helpful.

bigbuttons · 18/09/2015 16:47

I would just let it go tbh. Upsetting, yes, but from what you have described there was no gain for you in this relationship. She used you and her child upset yours.

ThereIsIron · 18/09/2015 16:47

Cut her off and ignore

SubUrbaneFox · 18/09/2015 16:50

Agree, be polite but not more.

If she suggests leaving her dd with you, say your mother is coming over. Is she suggest going somewhere, say you've got a headache. She will fade away.

YouBastardSockBalls · 18/09/2015 16:50

Just detach and be civil.
You used to be good friends, not you're just acquaintances who now politely in the corridor.

Doesn't sound like much of a loss anyway.

BumWad · 18/09/2015 16:52

And breathe!

Just leave it. She sounds like hard work.

Duggee · 18/09/2015 16:57

I think your Facebook comment was rude. Why can't you look after your own toys? Why should they have told you when you didn't realise yourself? No wonder she got her back up.

Duggee · 18/09/2015 16:58

I think you've fuelled this just as much to be honest:

Susaroo · 18/09/2015 17:03

Duggee...i do look after the toys. Hence why i was cleaning them to put away for winter. I leave the garden toys in the wendy house during the summer and have no problem with other children using them but have simply asked the neighbours to let me know if anything happens to them when im not out there. I was under the impression thats a neighburly thing to do.
I asked for constructive feedback. You're just being rude.

OP posts:
SillyStuffBiting · 18/09/2015 17:06

Did the washing line not just snap or something+?

Susaroo · 18/09/2015 17:07

Thank you all for the advice. I have asked her to be civil if we bump into each other, especially in front of the kids. She shouted at my husband after that :/
I think i will just leave it and try to stop worrying about her shouting at any of us if we bump into her

OP posts:
Susaroo · 18/09/2015 17:09

Sillystuffbiting....no i did check. The bouncy castle is a mini one and not that heavy. It's not even a castle really just a base with 4 posts. I have no idea who took it off.

OP posts:
pluck · 18/09/2015 18:13

Well, she finally started ignoring you, so I guess the ideal would be to get back to that.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 18/09/2015 18:34

This is why I keep my neighbours at arms length

spatchcock · 18/09/2015 18:59

Just act cool and unruffled, friendly but slightly aloof. She will make herself look unreasonable with anymore shouty behaviour.

And definitely ditch her from FB.

SoupDragon · 18/09/2015 19:10

Honestly, I don't think either if you are coming out of this smelling of roses.

If the bouncy thing had been down long enough to be "rotting on the ground" you had left it there too long. It was on a communal washing line, it shouldn't have been ke there for any time at all.

All the texting and accusations of ignoring/avoiding etc etc all seems very school playground.

Just keep your distance.

amarmai · 18/09/2015 19:15

users always hook up with givers. Sometimes they are more sensible/less greedy and try to keep the giver sweet enuf to keep on giving. This user is also a loser and stupid and greedy. Now you know what she is like. Stand up for yourself-she's also a bully.And learn to say NO.

Muckogy · 18/09/2015 19:19

Another user. How dreadful that she and her daughter sat there watching you eating your dinner. that's outrageous. had this female no home to go to? who does that?

thank your lucky stars this has happened and just be polite and stay away.

tigermoth · 18/09/2015 19:27

It's probably a good idea not to leave any more toys in the communal playground next summer unless you don't care if they get damaged. It's possible this neighbour didn't damage them but whatever, don't give her or anyone else the opportunity to upset you.

Agree with the others, just be polite and nothing more. Let your child play with her child in the communal gardens if they both want to. It doesn't mean you have to be super friendly with the mother.

You've spent a lot of time on her and her child, now is te time to back off.

pictish · 18/09/2015 19:38

I think your line probably just snapped by itself, depositing the toy on the ground, so I think your fb post was a bit misguided.

As regards your neighbour, just stay out of her way. She has a poor sense of boundary and as you found out, people with a poor sense of boundary end up being hard work.
This will blow over. You have stated your case, now just leave it alone.

If you see her simply give a polite hello.

Susaroo · 18/09/2015 20:40

Thanks all..
-washing line did not snap i opened it to check in case i had to repair it.
-The washing line is communal and no one was using it as it was raining. So i dont see why it shouldnt have been there at all.
-it was out there for a few days but where it gathered the rain water it stained and stank.
-and yes avoiding/ignoring/texting is very playground, especially when they are sending 2 blooming essays at a time. But i can't force some one to talk to me face to face and sort it out.

I agree that this does seem to be a blessing in disguise. I just had a take away without being stared at. I must say it was lovely hehe

OP posts:
Susaroo · 18/09/2015 20:41

Also, this isn't just about a bouncy castle. That's not the main issue

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 18/09/2015 20:49

But did you intend to leave the castle for days in the rain?? It doesn't seem very neighbourly to take up the communal washing line!

Whatever the cause or reason, she sounds like a pain in the arse so you're well shot. Just don't have anything to do with her. If the kids play in communal areas that's fair enough.

Susaroo · 18/09/2015 21:13

No i did not intend to leave it for days. I did want the rain to wash off some of the dirt off the bottom where it had been touching the ground when inflated. And spiders. I intended on grabbing it the next day. I got caught up on charity work that took up more time than intended. It is a long story. It was not intentionally left. It wasn't just that, my washing basket seemed to turn into the bottomless pit over a few days as well :/
The line also has 4 sides, i took up one side and its been raining and the neighbours dont usually use it when it rains.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 18/09/2015 21:29

You've done nothing wrong,your neighbor has being using you and doesn't like the fact that you won't let her use you any longer.We've had a couple of neighbors like that.

I'd remove her from your facebook and if she's texting you block her number,if she trys to shout at you or start an argument whilst your outside just ignore her,your neighbors will soon see for themselves that she's the one with the problem not you.

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