To not tutor my DD

[Toooldforthat]

I have just about recovered from tutoring DS successfully for the 11+ at independent schools, he made it through to a great school and we are really pleased. His 2 younger sisters are in a all through school that caters for mixed ability, perfect for DD1 as she gets really stressed, but I think DD2 could succeed the 11+ if I was to invest the same time, effort and money that I did for DS. I feel somehow that if I don't I might be letting her down, but the 11+ journey is not for the faint hearted. I mean it is a big effort.

I think if she wants to do it then it would be unfair to not give her the same chance as her brother.

I agree. If you have done it for the first and can actually afford it for the second, I think it's a bit feeble to say "It's too much faff."

How old is she? Can you start in some tutoring now, and then see how it goes? See how she responds to it?

Even if she does not get through the 11+, she will still benefit from doing extra work at primary level.

It would be unfair to not tutor DD2 if a selective school would be likely to suit her better and that is what she wants, given you did that for DS (unless of course a change in circumstances means you can't afford it).

However, my opinion is that if you have to tutor her intensively to get her in then it probably means it's not the right school for her, and it sounds like her current school is anyway a good one. DD is in the middle of the 11+ for a state grammar, and we got her doing some practice tests and questions, but nothing intensive and no outside tutoring. If she gets in without intensive tutoring then it is the right school for her as it will actually mean she is brighter than those who get similar scores after lots of help. If she got tutored and scraped in then actually she would probably be better of near the top of our local (good) comprehensive than at the bottom of the selective school. If the alternative schools were rubbish however I might think differently.

I agree that you don't want to scrape a place in a selective school and feel like a failure for 7 years. For DS, we entered him in the QE exam as they give feedback early, even if the school was 2h away and not really an option, thinking that he was allowed to apply, he had the calibre to enjoy the rigour and demands of an academic school. I am not aware of such possibilities for girls, but I might need to check in the Sutton area.

I have to say if a child needs that much extra tutoring is a selective school suitable for them? Are they going to need extra support when at that school which the school won't provide or will they get left behind? I did my 11+ (and passed) with minimal tutoring, beyond exam paper examples and I found the work at school demanding at times, and as you are expected to be at a certain level those schools struggle to support some of the weaker children at times.