to think SIL is a bit OTT

[RyanORiley]

SIL has been badgering me about whether me and DH are trying for a family for a while. Checking whether I am drinking alcohol at family gatherings, asking a lot in her (frequent) emails, that kind of thing. Finally mumbled something about well we've stopped trying to avoid me getting pregnant" at the weekend.

Yesterday she drove an 80 mile round trip to PILs house to get DH's childhood toys out of the lift for her DD. Not her own childhood toys, DH's.

I'm now foreseeing a future of lots of pushy-shovieness over things like kid's birthday parties and babysitting by PILS. AIBU to think this might just be the start of some sort of weird sibling/cousin rivalry nonsense?

After I got married, a rather thick forward colleague kept asking whether me and DH were 'trying for a baby'. We were, and unbeknown to her I had had 2 miscarriages. She would go on and on about it, even bringing in a fertility doll for me to put under my bed .

The last time she enquired I replied "let me get this straight, are you actually asking me if me and my husband are having sex with or without contraception? Do you really want to know if he is ejaculating inside my vagina?" She just looked stunned (as did everyone else in the staffroom) but funnily enough she didn't ever ask again...

Theycallme she called them "DHname's toys" in her email. And mentioned how much he loved the donkey when he was little and learning to walk, that he went everywhere with it.

Thinking about it, it occurs to me she is trying to draw me into a fight over this. It could be that she is just so devoted to DD that she doesn't see past that. But I am getting the feeling she might be trying to goad me into something.

Just Wow

Abesaidyes she could be, she has told me they want to have more at some point.

Wendy oh my god.

Squishy She does, he is lovely and adores her. Stable job.

I think I maybe know where some of this is coming from though. My mum died not long before I met DH. SIL has made some remarks along the lines of "well you've got my mum instead now". So I did think at the time "maybe she feels a bit threatened that I'll try to make MIL a mum substitute"?

That's not going to happen though and hasn't happened so far. I don't want a replacement for my mum, I loved her very much and she was a pretty unique kind of person. I can't imagine two people much more different than my mum and MIL. Not in a bad way, just really, really different people.

But I do try to relate to MIL as a person/friend, not in a mum role. DH says it brings out a side he's not seen in his mum before. I try to notice what's she's interested in, speak to her about that/buy presents along those lines. Partly because that's how I am with most people but also maybe because I've been trying to avoid making her a mum replacement, both for my sake and for SIL's.

But maybe SIL feels a bit insecure because of that. Either because MIL is different with me, or because SIL isn't the focus of my attention?

This is getting a bit too complicated for me tbh.

Theycallme they are very defined about possession btw. Everyone has their own mug at everyone else's house kind of thing, that only gets used when they visit.

I'm thinking about this too much now. I think I just need to keep it simple and keep a healthy distance.

She sounds exactly like my Sil!!! Started off lovely and has gradually become very nosey and a pita.

My advice is keep her at arms length starting from now. My sil had a baby a few months before me but now thinks she is a parenting expert. She harassed my DP when I was in labour about visiting us and now keeps giving me 'advice' and making comments/passive aggressive shows which allude to me not breastfeeding and looking after my dd properly. She had me in tears last weekend and I've now had to tell me DP that I'm not willing to go to a family do next month because of her.

Also sil is becoming competitive with our children. She noticed my dd smile at her at 7 weeks. I said she'd been smiling for a couple of weeks so she told me that it was wind as babies never smile before 6 weeks and her child smiled at 6 weeks on the dot. It's all very very weird

Next time she makes a comment about your not having kids (whether it's by choice or not is irrelevant, it is just as rude and inappropriate either way), ask her when she last had an orgasm or how regular her shits are. When she acts horrified, say, "Oh, goodness. Was that an incredibly rude, intrusive and presumptuous comment that I had no right to make? Wow. I am so embarrassed."

Thanks Sheba I'm saving that for future use, I never know what to say to people!

Ryan your SIL sounds like a PITA! I think the less you can get drawn into it, the better, although I can imagine that's easier said than done when she's being so goady.