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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask what your 8 yo is like?

9 replies

FishFace99 · 17/09/2015 23:45

My 8 yo daughter seems to have changed dramatically in the last couple of months. Usually she is so happy and independent but she has become whiny, almost depressed, clingy and completely over emotional. She hates her new junior school, apparently, and complains about getting ready and has to be nagged at length. She is horrid to her siblings and totally jealous and resentful. She has never been much of a crier or a needy child but suddenly she wants to be touching me at all times and cries if I withdraw, she burst into tears tonight because I told her she could brush her own hair and has cried more in the past two months than the last five years for no real reason.

She gets 1:1 time but I honestly don't feel like spending time with her when she cannot be pleasant to us all the rest of the time. She is downright cruel to her 3 yo sister at times imo. My 3 yo has ASC and my 8 yo will purposely do things she knows will cause her great upset/discomfort then grumble about how dd takes up my time and is my favourite.

I praise lots and ignore what I can, I have consistent boundaries and consequences but I honestly am struggling to like her very much at the moment. Her siblings adore her but she is nothing but rude and mean to them. I spend time with her, arrange activities and play dates and most of the time she still looks at me like I'm something she's stepped in. The household is so so much happier when she's at school and though I greet her cheerfully she's just miserable and rude immediately.

Could it be hormones this early on? What's your 8 yo like? Any tips for coping? Besides wine which I can't do because I'm breastfeeding Angry

OP posts:
Fatmomma99 · 17/09/2015 23:52

You are already doing all the parenting things I would normally recommend except one. Which is asking her and listening to her answers, and looking for clues about what's really bothering her.

What changed 2 months ago? (which was summer holidays). Is she anxious about junior school? Is she now hating it? What is going on for her?

You sound like a great parent. What is your child trying to tell you?

FishFace99 · 18/09/2015 00:00

I have asked and listened. She either shrugs and grunts or makes up a silly reason for being upset. I don't think she knows why she's moody a lot of the time which made me think it could be hormonal.

She was excited about starting junior school but isn't enjoying it at all. She can't explain why, though Hmm

OP posts:
DragonsCanHop · 18/09/2015 00:04

Does she have older siblings?

I'm finding my youngest (8yrs) difficult because she is feeding off of the hormones from her older siblings.

FishFace99 · 18/09/2015 00:12

No, she is the eldest.

OP posts:
christinarossetti · 18/09/2015 00:15

My dd turned 8 six months ago, and she was like Harry Enfield's 'Kevin the Teenager'. Door slamming, being rude and unpleasant, picking arguments etc.

My dd has always been very attached to me, clingy, needy and her stropiness seems to be related to becoming more independent.

I wonder if your dd's clinginess and emotionality is something about realising that she's becoming more independent and older and having mixed feelings about it?

I think there's definitely something a bit hormonal going on with my dd.

Hopefully school will settle down for yours soon.

esmeralda1234 · 18/09/2015 00:28

My much younger DSis was a nightmare aged eight. Her upset seemed to manifest as anger, constantly fighting with my DM and her little brother. From what my mum has said she made the house quite a horrid place to be at the time, everyone on edge and waiting for the next outburst (she is the eldest child in the house so I guess probably a similar dynamic) she was visibly unhappy for a few months, but then just seemed to settle.

I dont think anything was bothering her, she would usually come to me to discuss any personal issues; perhaps its just a phase? Either way my DSis grew out of it and is now the most kind and caring young person!

Does she have any older females around her other than you? for my Dsis I think having a girl who isn't a parent to talk to about problems really helps. As the eldest I wish I had it then! For my DD she will have my Dsis thankfully.

esmeralda1234 · 18/09/2015 00:30

"she's becoming more independent and older and having mixed feelings about it?"

christina - I think you have hit the nail on the head with that one.

FishFace99 · 18/09/2015 07:19

She loves any independence I give her but is still very naive and immature so not particularly thinking about growing up. She just seems annoyed with us all all the time and as if she does things specifically to goad us into moaning so she can complain that we're moaning!

OP posts:
PitBlackwell · 18/09/2015 07:47

My eldest is like this. It's almost always related to anxiety. I read something online that made sense. It said that when they bottle up their worries, their body produces fight or flight hormones and they can't deal with the feeling, so they pick fights (or the other one!).

It took me ages to get through to her, because she'd deny anything was wrong and just continue being bloody awful and rude. I cannot bear rudeness, so we're not always a good combo. I will react to the rudeness. She's 10 now and still bloody hard work and I know exactly what you refer to, but we have made progress. Her sibling is very often her first port of call. It's a shame because she really is a lovely girl, but at times, very hard to be with. Fingers crossed it will pass. Please let it pass.

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