Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

(995 Posts)
FightingBed2014 Mon 13-Apr-15 18:49:20

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

FightingBed2014 Mon 13-Apr-15 18:57:40

It's lovely to see that we have a third thread helping each other! & I actually managed to do the links right today grin

MrsMargoLeadbetter Mon 13-Apr-15 19:12:28

Thank you fighting thanks

AssistanceRequired Mon 13-Apr-15 19:49:54

Thank you Fighting! I only just joined but already had some great insight and help in the last 10 messages of the old thread.

DuskyDolphin Mon 13-Apr-15 20:18:39

Thank you for our shiny new thread, fighting. I hope you're soon feeling better. Also, I found the nakd bars and the Kinnerton chocolate on Sainsburys website, so I'll add some to my next grocery delivery.

sleep interesting what you were saying about biochemistry. My therapist said that from looking at my monitoring sheets - I gave her two recent weeks plus all my old ones I'd half heartedly completed - that it seems that most of my triggers are actually not emotional things. So she's focusing on balancing my biochemistry to help my recovery initially, and then we'll deal with the emotional stuff later. Bear with me, anything scientific goes right over my head so I'm trying to explain what she's told me grin

Hi to Assistance.

Haven't binged today but I did overeat at lunch time. I'd eaten bread and then had massive cravings and the desire for more and more food. I may have to cut out bread completely for now and reintroduce much further down the line. We'll see.

AssistanceRequired Mon 13-Apr-15 20:42:00

Hi Dusky smile

Interesting that you say your triggers aren't emotional - so how does that affect you when you try to avoid trigger foods? When I think I should avoid a certain food that just increases the temptation! In fact imposing any sort of rule magnifies every issue around food for me and means I think about it even more.

I've been thinking about the advice I had earlier from sleep about removing the 'parent' voice and just allowing my 'teenager' voice to be free so that I remove the need to rebel. I'm interested in that in theory but worried that it'll give me free reign to just go mad without restraint. How do I achieve any kind of balance? I am considerably overweight and can't risk going even further!! Has anyone got any experience with such a strategy?

teacoffeesomethingsweet Mon 13-Apr-15 21:05:13

Can I just share my tiny little success. I managed not to binge today. I'm planning to have an early night to avoid any opportunity to empty the fridge when everybody is sleeping.
First day in weeks months

AssistanceRequired Mon 13-Apr-15 21:08:32

Well done! That's brilliant - something I aspire to! Haven't had one of those days in a long long time...maybe tomorrow...

teacoffeesomethingsweet Mon 13-Apr-15 21:20:55

Thank you. It certainly helped that OH apologised for being an absolute arsehole recently and DS was just the cutest at bedtime, we were leaving the room and he was waving at us saying "see you later" and "cheerio" - hilarious when a 2 year old says it.
I find that I can only try and handle one meal at a time. No planning on being good later. The more I think about it, the more it stresses me out.
So tomorrow I'll have a small breakfast. And hopefully this will make me more confident when choosing a small healthy lunch.

AssistanceRequired Mon 13-Apr-15 21:28:39

Ds sounds lovely :-) that's very cute.
Good luck for another good day tomorrow.

BadNavyWife Mon 13-Apr-15 21:50:55

Newbie here, saw this in active threads and went "oo"! DH-to-be pointed out my "disordered eating" when we moved in last year. I flip between good weeks and bad weeks, worse when DF is on patrol with the Navy and I'm on my lonesome. 17 weeks till the wedding seems like a good excuse to try to "stabilise" it all...

sleepwhenidie Mon 13-Apr-15 22:45:17

Welcome Navy, tell us some more about yourself smile

Tea I understand where you are coming from with the need to control food/weight, it's a very common compulsion. But appetite isn't there to be controlled, any more than the urge to sleep or breathe, it is an amazing biological function that can work perfectly when we listen to it. The trouble is, repeated diets, labelling different foods as good or bad and long periods of restriction make us lose touch with it so we have to relearn how to gauge it and respond to it, whilst keeping a sensible balance between not banning anything with what we know about nutrition and what our bodies need for health. I also believe that if we address the things in life that we need to pay attention to, our eating and bodies will follow - unfortunately it doesn't work the other way around smile.

Assistance, if you read through the previous threads, you'll see that letting go of dieting mindset and restricting is something that everyone struggles with. There is a huge fear that you'll consume bottomless cupboards full of food and gain weight rapidly. But for those who have managed it (Fighting and Margo for example), that hasn't been the case, I think Margo is stable and Fighting has lost weight. To help you take the plunge, remind yourself where dieting has got you so far - how many times have you tried the same strategy only for it to fail. It's not you that's failing, it's the strategy, so surely it's time for a different one? Also think of it as a limited experiment, for a week, a fortnight, a month (the longer you feel comfortable committing to the better), just to see what happens and how you feel about it?

BadNavyWife Mon 13-Apr-15 22:56:46

I put on a lot of weight at uni, then lost it all within a year of dating DBF. Since then it's been up and down, I think I'm enjoy people telling me I look slimmer. Mum was a serial dieter and I'm ultra competitive so it's a bit of a "win". Then as soon as the winning buzz wears off, even for a second, I'm head first into a cupboard. Not even junk, I could finish a bag of carrots if that's what's in, Found that food shopping sensibly rather than stocking up for the apocalypse helps. I'm better on weekends too when I'm not working from home/ sat within 20 feet of a vending machine...
It was a bit of a family joke that I could never stop at just one biscuit/crisp/chocolate raisin, I think BF was worried at how emotionally driven it was, and how devastated / disappointed I was immediately after.
Honestly thought it was just a thing I'd always do though until I read the old posts and saw people "recovered". I've genuinely never thought of it as a recoverable thing...

DuskyDolphin Mon 13-Apr-15 22:57:15

Interesting that you say your triggers aren't emotional - so how does that affect you when you try to avoid trigger foods? When I think I should avoid a certain food that just increases the temptation! In fact imposing any sort of rule magnifies every issue around food for me and means I think about it even more.

Assistance, I'm at the beginning of recovery, but I don't try to avoid trigger foods. That's a recipe for disaster for me too. For me, restriction like that does lead to increased bingeing. I'm working on eating more natural food, limiting processed foods, but nothing is banned altogether.
That said, I'm noticing, from keeping basic food diaries each day, that bread is a real problem for me. I'm thinking I may have to cut it out for now and reintroduce at a later time. But I need to discuss it with my ED counsellor first to get her opinion on how to manage it.

Hello navy smile

teacoffeesomethingsweet Mon 13-Apr-15 23:01:33

Sleep I kind of know that food itself is not the source of my issues. But I seem to be stuck in a vicious circle. I'll give you an example: I've been feeling a bit lonely and miserable recently. There's a night out planned with my friends but I'm seriously considering not going. I'll be the only fat and fugly one, sticking out like a sore thumb. Then, if I don't go, I'll spend the whole night eating. I need to somehow stop this.

AssistanceRequired Mon 13-Apr-15 23:15:56

I hope you didn't mind me asking, Dusky. I'm just in awe of anyone at the moment who can employ any sort of strategy to help when I just feel so powerless.

I'm interested to know how people feel whilst in recovery - how it feels to have more resolve or have the willpower to act on what they know is for the best. Not sure if that makes sense! I feel like I fail literally every meal time as I've lost the plot on what is 'right' to have or if I do have something reasonable i know that's just a precursor to compensate for it later on by 'rewarding' myself by going off the rails. So complicated. I think I understand the things I'm feeling but lack faith in myself to change things. Will start tomorrow one step at a time trying just to make reasonable choices with no link to what will come later on.

sleepwhenidie Mon 13-Apr-15 23:16:31

Dusky I think lots of us have trigger foods. I've never had an issue with binges as such but I know that if I have one or two crisps I find it very difficult to stop and I don't even really like the damn things smile. Also it's a little known fact that often we get a little bit of a high from foods we are actually intolerant/mildly allergic to - do you notice any similar effect to bread with other wheat based foods? I'd be interested to see what your therapist advises but I think if be going with your instinct that perhaps a period of elimination would be worth trying.

Tea sometimes we need to force ourselves to do the thing we fear, the situation you describe - not going to meet friends - leads to an ever shrinking inner world where all your focus is on food and weight sad. In a similar way to assistance and her inner teenager, can you characterise the voice that is telling you to stay home? If she was a good friend or your DD, what would you tell her? Treat yourself the same way...with love and compassion and perhaps a gentle boot in the bum?

DuskyDolphin Mon 13-Apr-15 23:26:28

Assistance no I don't mind at all, but bear in mind I'm still getting my head round it all at the moment as it's new to me. I've tried so many different ways to beat this thing, and came to the realisation that I had to stop dieting first. That's very difficult for me because I'm at least 5st overweight now, have high BP, bad knees and achy hips and under pressure from GP to lose some weight.

sleep yep, bread bloats me horribly. All I have to do is eat a small slice and my waistband is suddenly digging in and I look about 5 months pregnant. Can't attribute it to the Chorleywood process as it was happening when I was making my own bread at home. Pasta also bloats me, but it doesn't seem to trigger me in the same way as bread does. So I do think there may be an issue with wheat, like you mention. I haven't been tested for coeliac disease, and have no reason to think I may have it, but I certainly think I'm intolerant at the very least.

IronMaggie Tue 14-Apr-15 09:35:12

Yay new thread! Hello to all the new people who've joined in the last few days, we've had quite a flurry of messages recently!

Dusky you've made incredible progress since you first posted, it's so brilliant that you're getting help and seeing the rewards.

And to the others who are struggling, I hope it helps to see that recovery is possible, with some work and support. The brilliant ladies here have been such a huge help to me over the last few months, and although I still struggle, I've had more good days than bad recently.

I weighed myself this morning after a month's break and although my instinct was to be disappointed at the number on the scale, rationally I know it doesn't matter and that my recovery and strength is the priority. I'm going to be super-vigilant over the course of the day to make sure I don't rebound from that.

Have a healthy and happy day everyone!

DuskyDolphin Tue 14-Apr-15 11:23:08

Hi Maggie.
The scale is so challenging! It's good that you're so aware of it and are planning to be super-vigilant today as a result.
As you say, recovery is more important than weight for us right now. Wishing you a good healthy day too!

FightingBed2014 Tue 14-Apr-15 13:26:24

Hi all, sorry I couldn't come back on last night.

To answer a question further up (assistance I think it was yours) When I first started chatting with others, inc the lovely sleep, the idea of moving away from diets and restrictions was so scary. My mind needed structure and if I didn't try to control what I ate, well I'd be out of control and gain more weight. I absolutely didn't want to risk my health by gaining more weight.

It didn't happen over night, instead it took months but each small change was a step towards recovery. Added up they have made me a different person.

I found Dr Fairburn highlighting my 'All or nothing' approach as detrimental like a light bulb moment. I saw that I put myself under that pressure and resolved to change it. I practiced fake it till you make it, repeating and looking for positives in my own actions. Being on the thread and seeing others do the same helped massively as I can praise others and see their achievements easily. I had to learn to treat myself the same way and realise I was worth it.

Daily I would remind myself that there was no dealine, no event or occasion I had to do this for if it took a year, two or more that was ok. That alone was freeing as there was always a 'when I'm slimmer I can do this' approach to my life. By flipping it over and doing nice things because I simply can was liberating and helped me to see just how much of my life I was holding off.

Even now the layers are still being removed and I realise that a particular thought I have or action isn't right. The difference being I can do something about it now.

As sleep said I have lost some weight. This was after about 10 months, I guess as my body got used to me eating regular blanced meals. There wasn't a period of gaining, Dr Fairburn showed me by weighing once a week that actually my weight was stable. I maintained those 10 months of not restricting, my fears were just that, fears. Tackling the causes of this has been the best thing I have ever done. Whilst I'm not recovered, I am most definitely on my way. Mentally I am stronger now than ever. The more I work on that the less food will be an issue in my life. I can recognise how I feel and deal with my emotions now so I am sorting my health as if I hadn't tried I would have continued to gain weight and develop problems.

I know now that the one thing I was certain I had to have in my life, diets, was in fact making me gain weight and doing the exact opposite of what I punished myself for for years. Sharing and talking has helped remove that and I will never diet again. The parent voice was all the 'I should' negativity and the teenager for me is all the positive, relaxed and laid back approach. The latter is where happiness isthanks.

DuskyDolphin Tue 14-Apr-15 13:46:10

Wonderful post, Fighting .
Thank you ! flowers

FightingBed2014 Tue 14-Apr-15 17:05:13

Evening ladiesthanks

Finally had chance to catch up with all the posts from yesterdaysmile. I can relate to the rewarding with food, as a few of you mentioned, using it for any emotion really. I would and still do at times plan out where I can get food into family outings etc. I managed to trace that back to how I felt happy as a child. In a turbulent home, visiting relatives was a safe place and lots of food we didn't have. The high I got then still exists now, although I am learning to dampen it.

In older years I would eat out all the time (oh the joy of earning enough back thengrin ) I was treating myself to the food and environment. I no longer have the urge to eat out and it has lost its appeal completely now, one on the list of achievements.

FightingBed2014 Tue 14-Apr-15 17:41:51

On the topic of starting the journey / getting going, these are some things that I discovered and you may wish to do too (in no particular order)

1. Get your feelings out past & present. Talk, write, blog anything. Find what works for you and do it all the time especially when you feel crap!

2. Replace the binges with a new structure. Not restrictions like a diet but an idea of where you wish to go on your journey and select an area to work on for a while. ie Fairburn steps is one. Think of it as scaffolding not a straight jacket!

3. Accept it will take time, you cannot change a lifetime of habits in a week. Years to create = years to undo. No pressure to achieve will make you so much happier. Its kindness not weaknessthanks.

4. Start looking for your good points, yes you have them! Look at friends and imagine how you would feel if they hated themselves, how would you talk to them? Now say those things to yourself each day. After time it will sink in, you're worth the effort. If you need to fake it til you make it.

5. Accept binges will happen, do not berate yourself, acceptance will help shorten their hold. An afternoon binge doesn't make a bad day or week, you still had a positive morning and a very positive week. Switch how you describe things, strive to make statements about yourself positive!

6. Restrictions and diets will lead to binges, without exception. They do not serve you well, blow them off.

7. Rewards are for now, for how awesome you already are! Start doing them as often as possible. Saving them for being slimmer or 'when I do this...' is self defeatist. Like a carrot on a stick senario, you will get fed up and snap that bloody stick eventuallygrin. Buying that face mask or getting a haircut is much more fun!

8. When you look in the mirror each day, find one thing you like and aknowledge it and then go about your day. Do not let it be a time for pulling apart how you should be.

9. Be comfortable! with summer coming up the heat makes it harder. Hiding in lots of clothes will be hot and sweaty. Find something that fits well and you really like. Comfortable makes us much happier and that shows.

10. Eat things you know will be what your body needs. We all eat crap and can see 'healthy eating' as living on fruit and veg till we can't look at it anymore or something we must do. Make it something you add in because it gives you vitamins etc. Start small one meal a week if needs be. Build up when ready. Soon it will become an uplifting experience because you're looking after your health.

11. Read up how our bodies fluctuate with hydration. Understanding the science could help change the way you see the scales.

Above all remember these are tips that may work for you too, don't make them rulesthanks thanks

teacoffeesomethingsweet Tue 14-Apr-15 17:49:39

Fighting such wonderful posts, thank you flowers
I actually have something in my eye now, like an idiot, on the bus. I have always been punishing myself for being fat and unhealthy and postponing everything until I'm slim.
No one has ever expressed this better.

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