To hate eating with my dc

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Feel terrible saying it, but the whole experience is unpleasant, they whine, complain, analyse every forkful in case there's onion in it, say they hate it before even trying, constantly ask, "is this enough?" And "what can I have after?" I make kid friendly meals like lasagne, pasta carbonara, chicken casserole etc, it's not like I'm serving up peppers stuffed with cous cous.

Does anyone have the perfect balance? I don't want them to feel they must clean their plates, but I do want them to eat until they feel full, which they can't possibly after two mouthfuls! I don't want to create an issue around food by forcing them to eat but I don't want them to think they can bypass a healthy dinner and just have something else half an hour later instead. Is this normal mealtime behaviour for DC age 9 and 6? I honestly feel like just putting their food in front of them and leaving them to it, and eating my own dinner in peace later!

It's like eating with John Torode and Greg Wallace here. The food gets scored as well, although they do eat it...
But no YANBU to leave them to it sometimes. We always eat a roast together but some days it works better for them to eat earlier, and me later.
Stick to your guns on eating dinner and not demanding a snack later.
Although mine clear their plates and still demand snacks. Grrr

I honestly feel like just putting their food in front of them and leaving them to it, and eating my own dinner in peace later!

That sounds like a good solution to me.

Not at 9 and 6, if they were younger I'd pander with toast later but not at that age.

I'd put it in bowls in the middle and tell them to help themselves but that there'd be no more later of anything.

Obviously excluding genuine fussiness, allergies, sensitivities or other shit. But I'm an 'eat it or starve' provider.

You don't have to eat with them every day, on days when you know it's going to be crap don't go for mother of the year and just plate yours up to eat with wine later

Rule here has always been 'a good try at everything on your plate'... And only I decide whether it's a good enough try! If they choose not to eat their dinner, there is nothing else on offer until the next meal, except water to drink, of course!

And if your dc are suspicious of onions, grate the onions rather than chopping them (easier in a processor, admittedly)

A revolution in our house has been 'you don't have to eat it' based on advice on MN. With the pressure off, he eats far more of a wider range of things than he would otherwise and my mealtime life has got better. The only real rule (apart from table manners etc) is that you don't get pudding if you don't eat at least some (kid-friendly) vegetables.

Also, cut-up finger foods make a perfectly good meal and tend to go down really well with tired kids who don't want to be hassled with big production meals. Only feel comfortable doing this on days which have featured a proper cooked lunch already, but today for example, DS had lasagne at school and cheese in pitta bread at wraparound care, and was knackered, so his tea was ham, bread and apple slices on a chopping board, eaten with fingers and without protest.

There's a whole philosophy about being able to control what goes in your body and with some kids a good chunk of table rebellion is actually kicking against interventions that don't allow them to respond to their own instincts (not saying this what yours are doing though) - certainly was in DS's case.

Leaving children alone with food is not exactly going to help all these problems.

What would help everyone, including the mum/ main carer is if more than one adult ate with the children.

It's crap, one adult and 1+ child/ren being lonely together at the dinner table!

At that age can they help with the cooking -,boil the veg, boil pasta / boil in bag rice/ noodles/cous cous etc and let them choose together (compromise) and cook with your help.

If I'm eating alone with the kids I just have a snack meal and a beer (tends to only be weekends) and tell them I'm eating later when dad gets home.

As painful as it is I would suggest to keep at it. I think kids learn table manners and such like from their parents so it would be beneficial for everyone in the long run. Have you tried alternating between meals they like and ones they're not so keen on? I agree about acting nonchalant if they moan and pick otherwise they sense that they have the power to get under your skin, the little cherubs!

Sorry didn't finish that thought!
I'd they choose and cook would it limit the moaning?

The food gets scored as well, although they do eat it...

Mine are 7 and 5 and have seen one too many masterchef's.

Any plate of food they eat gets scores out of ten for presentation and taste. It's funny watching them do it sometimes, they take so much care over justifying it...'mummy, I'm afraid I can only give you an 8 out of ten for taste because the broccoli seems a little overcooked'. They're like little old men.

I'd be telling them how rude they were - you've cooked them a tasty balanced meal and they're being rude about it! That would make me cross.

I'd get the kids involved in cooking! They can chop up veg, pitta bread, put dips and crudites out, and make easy things like pasta dishes. Then let them criticise the food.

If they're too tired to eat nicely, agree with giving them a snacky tea in front of the TV they can eat with their fingers. This is a treat for my dc. (and me!)

Surely you don't encourage this though. Mine are smaller so its not something. I've experienced yet but it sounds annoying and rude.

I wouldn't describe any of those meals in OP as kid friendly as they are all mixed up food. Mine eat those now at 10 and 12 but when they were 6 we had much more success with separate food eg grilled chicken, veg cooked on its own. Healthy but dull. Bowls in the middle of the table worked well. Leftovers used in soup or random pasta bakes which DH would reheat at work for lunch the next day.

Also I write the menu up on a whiteboard so that DD could whine internally / out of cook's earshot in advance. It was her idea years ago and it certainly helped cut down on the at table moaning).

I rarely eat with mine at home. Only at weekends in the evening. All they want to do is scoff it as fast as possible and get back to playing out. The hassle sets my IBS off so it's not worth it.

Eating out is fine though, love it. I feel like a competent single mum when mine are in restaurants chatting happily and trying different food.

I eat separately but I sit with them and have a cup of tea and a chat. I think I only ate dinner with my mum and dad as a teenager tbh, not sure if is a cultural thing- adults in our family eat about 8 .30 and kids about 4.30

It might help to have some simple rules perhaps? Eg we can chat while we eat but not moan and complain about the meal. Explain they don't have to eat it but there won't be an alternative on offer. Even if finished eating you must sit at the table for X period ( so they don't leg it after 3 mins leaving full plates!)

At 9 and 6, saying they don't like it and whining is bad manners they are old enough to control.

I did a range of things: had a Good Manners competition for one meal at a time , offering points for eating tidily, helping other people, asking nicely and commenting the food, and losing points for an array of bad manners.

I would also lay down some ground rules, no saying 'yuk', no complaining about any food behind 'no thank you' , and I would ask them to leave the table and leave the kitchen if broken. Slice of toast and butter before bed if necessary .

Alongside this I would allow them control, make no fuss if they don't eat and just clear the plate. And I wouldn't then be serving sugary deserts, just fruit and cheese.

And have some topics of conversation to distract them through all this: what would win a race, a dolphin, a shark or a whale, which teachers at school would you pick for a football team, if you were trapped in a building which Superhero would be best to rescue you ...

They have created an irritating drama around meals, and probably deliberately winding you up with it.

Thanks all, lots of things to try. I don't eat with them every night, but try to during the week, maybe I will try the plainer food, i think the meals taste lovely so I suppose I expect them to as well. Glad I'm not the only one who has issues but I agree at their age they should be better mannered about the whole thing and probably are enjoying winding me up!