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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asking this of DD's primary school? And how should I handle it...

31 replies

whiteblankpage · 17/09/2015 09:36

DD(10) has turned out to be quite musically talented. She isn't setting the world on fire or anything, but she started piano and singing lessons a couple of years ago and has flown through a few grades. She really enjoys it, works very hard at it and I think it teaches her some brilliant skills (practice makes perfect, hard work equals good results etc).
For her birthday, she asked if she could take up a string instrument which I have also encouraged as she then gets to be social with it, orchestras and such. She's been playing six months, doing well but obviously still learning the basics of technique.
She's just gone into year five, and the school has a session once a week that the year 5's learn a string instrument. Her cello teacher has explained that at this stage it would be a terrible idea for her to essentially have two teachers, so could she not take part for the time being.
I spoke to her teacher this morning, and explained the situation and was told as it is a whole year group session they have no where to send DD, and why do I not want her taking part? I explained (again) I was paying for private tuition and that at this stage it would be very confusing for her. I did say I was happy for her to join in maybe in another six months, and she was more than welcome to send home pieces for DD to practice. The teacher has said she will have to speak to the music coordinator. The teacher was abrupt and rude, and fwiw I kept smiling, explained myself calmly and politely and left with an "ok, let's see what we can come up with".
Tbh, I'm struggling to understand how they can even teach 60 kids a string instrument all at once, in one hour, but that's their logistical nightmare, not mine. I don't want to fall out with the teacher (DD loves her), or the school, I will have three DC's there at some points, but I really really don't want them, for want of a better phrase, to cock up something I'm paying for to enrich DD's life.
AIBU to ask them to excuse her from this? And how should I handle it from here?
Please be gentle, first AIBU!

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 17/09/2015 09:40

I think YABU actually. I also question the fact that it would be so confusing/damaging for her to take part. My ds1 learns an instrument which he then plays in a windband and with a jazz band - so 3 different 'teachers' and its fine. Lots of children do this in fact.

honeysucklejasmine · 17/09/2015 09:42

I'd also question the logistics of teaching that many kids at once. But equally, I don't think it will do her much harm really, its not like she's going to get individual feedback.

Keeptrudging · 17/09/2015 09:43

I think both you and the private music tutor ABU. The thing at school us part of the school music lessons. It's not something that warrants withdrawal from the class. In fact, it generally wouldn't be allowed. My daughter is very musical. She has 3 different tutors and is in 2 different bands. All that means is she gets more time playing music. None of her teachers have ever (dared) suggest that she should only learn with them. They would get short shrift from me if they did. School will think you are being extremely precious. I would apologise, retract and let her take part.

herderofcats · 17/09/2015 09:43

What exactly would be confusing for her, in an hour's practice with the school. I don't understand that?

Floggingmolly · 17/09/2015 09:43

Her current teacher is talking rubbish; there is zero problem with learning from various sources; ask any tutor...

AttitcusFinchIsMyFather · 17/09/2015 09:44

I have never heard of this being an issue before! I therfore think YABU. Your child is not a special snowflake.

dodobookends · 17/09/2015 09:45

If there are that many of them all being taught in a group together, then the teacher isn't going to have time to give anyone enough individual attention for them to become confused over technique. I'd just let her join in to be honest.

TamaraLamara · 17/09/2015 09:46

Her cello teacher has explained that at this stage it would be a terrible idea for her to essentially have two teachers

Of course s/he thinks that - you're paying them for private lessons. They're protecting their income.

I learned to play several instruments in earlier life, but I can't see that a superficial school lesson is going to 'uninstall' any progress made with her private teacher.

What would she do for the duration of the school music session if she was not attending? And is she happy to be made a 'special case' in front of her peers?

Original poster

whiteblankpage · 17/09/2015 09:46

Brilliant, thank you all for your responses.
I will indeed apologise, glad you put it in perspective
You're right, I expect she'll enjoy playing with her friends as well.
Thanks all.

OP posts:

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 17/09/2015 09:48

My eldest did all class brass lessons at school and they were brilliant. Not only did they teach them the instruments themselves but loads of music theory. And they were such good fun. Once a term they invited us in to watch and it was really clear how much the whole class was enjoying themselves.

So I think YABU and a bit precious. Also, as already mentioned, this would be really tricky for the school to handle practically, as there will be noone to look after one non-participating child.

DisappointedOne · 17/09/2015 09:48

Bet that lesson sounds like cats getting skinned alive anyway!

School lessons aren't often up to much somI really wouldn't be pulling her out of them.

Trufflethewuffle · 17/09/2015 09:48

I can't see that it will do her any harm. When DD was younger her school did whole class violin lessons although smaller numbers in the class. DD and her friend had private violin lessons and the school music teacher used to get the two of them to help demonstrate things and they were very useful in keeping things together when the class played in assemblies or concerts.

I would think it would actually be a positive thing.

greenfolder · 17/09/2015 09:49

Let her join, she can help out her friends as she will have more knowledge than them. I'm sure that your daughter will be fine. Private tutor poss concerned that you might swap to school lessons?

Ihateigglepiggle · 17/09/2015 09:55

Hi, I'm a music teacher and completely understand and appreciate that you are taking the advice of your private teacher seriously.

However, every minute your child spends playing her instrument will help her improve. Even if she is playing under her usual standard with a group of 60.

The private teacher doesn't know the experience or the lesson structure that the class teacher plans to use - for example, your daughter might be permitted to do her own work, she might be given extension work, or she might be asked to assist with the beginners which will be great for her ear and confidence.

Your daughter will learn in this environment and she might really enjoy working with her classmates.

Just tell the private teacher that the school refused.

AnnaBegins · 17/09/2015 10:04

The only thing I would add is just ask her private teacher to watch out for any bad habits she may pick up from playing in a group of 60, as it will be impossible for one teacher to pick up on every child's technique in that setting!

Seems odd though, group music lessons when I were a lass were 6 kids...

Keeptrudging · 17/09/2015 10:07

I would question how confident the private tutor is in their own teaching ability. It seems as if they don't want another professional to see your daughter playing. Any music teachers/tutors I know would be delighted that a pupil was doing more music.

MidniteScribbler · 17/09/2015 10:12

Bear in mind also that the music class time will likely be the time planning time allocated to the classroom teacher. So the class goes off to a specialist for that time. By demanding that she not participate you are also expecting the classroom teacher to give up their planning time to supervise her which is a valid reason for the school refusing your request to excuse her from the activity.

Tophat90 · 17/09/2015 10:12

In my experience, any private music teacher would be delighted for a child to play more, whatever the reason. It's like playing in an Orchestra. No one looks at your technique there, but there is no better place to learn to sight read.

But, 60 children hacking away at a string instrument they have never played (assuming your daughter is in the minority as a musician) for an hour? My ears hurt just thinking about it!!

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 17/09/2015 10:16

DD learned cello in year 5. Her friend who had been learning since year 2 was used to demonstrate and lead things. Extra practice for her!

Original poster

whiteblankpage · 17/09/2015 10:19

Some really good points that I hadn't thought of, thank you - especially for building her confidence and fine tuning her ear.
The private tutor has no problem with her joining groups and orchestras etc at all, in fact is actively encouraging it - he just wanted her to wait a little longer, maybe a couple more months, so she has a really good handle on her bow hold, finger positions etc. I am not worried about his ability at all.
Will see the teacher at pick up tonight and will just say I've thought again and she is right, DD will benefit.

Haha never been precious before I don't think! Loving the idea of DD as a snowflake...

ihate Thanks for your comments, was starting to feel a bit of a dick

OP posts:

Original poster

whiteblankpage · 17/09/2015 10:20

tophat I know, how is that ever going to sound good?? Apparently there's an end of year concert so I shall be especially looking forward to that

OP posts:

Paperthin · 17/09/2015 10:25

I think YABU but understand that you have taken the advice of the private tutor to come to the decision. I agree with what others have said, your DD should participate in the group lesson too. In my area they do these whole year group music lessons too - the children have fun, learning the instrument but also learning rhythm, singing together and respect for the instruments themselves, at the end of the year there is a concert (and whilst ear plugs might be needed) they are great entertainment. I would also be thinking about changing the private tutor, they seem very precious about their role, and as your child grows and develops her music she needs the freedom to develop.

MidniteScribbler · 17/09/2015 10:25

There is a reason that when the budget discussions were being held, that soundproofing the music room was unanimously voted for.

Keeptrudging · 17/09/2015 10:28

I dread the 'Junior Strings Band' section of my DDs concerts. It's horrific, and these are children who have played for years. I have a strong urge to put my fingers in my ears. It's only twice a year, but yes to cats being murdered !

HeteronormativeHaybales · 17/09/2015 10:31

I haven't RTFT thoroughly but I would say YABU (and see you've come to that conclusion too :) ). This group session, it seems to me, isn't really so much about 'teaching' strings in the precise sense as giving the children a chance to experience them - which will improve all their general musical awareness/ear etc and perhaps encourage some to take it up in more depth. I don't see this as hugely different from my bilingual dc attending primary-school English lessons (not in the UK) - of course they are not getting anything out of it in the way of new knowledge, but they are participating and on occasion getting a chance an an 'expert' role. And I agree with the poster who said all the time spent with her instrument will help her improve.

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