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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my best friend is using me

16 replies

Icklepickle101 · 16/09/2015 22:30

I'm not quite sure when it how it happened but me and my best friend haven't spoken as much the last couple of months, nothing has happened, no dramas, I just assumed we had both been busy.

Recently I have been seeing more and more of my best friend and another girl (friend B) on social media, no big deal as they are often going out drinking etc which doesn't float my boat being 5 months pregnant. Friend B is well known for causing drama and has made up vicious rumours about both myself and my best friend, resulting in friend A admitting she would never be close with this girl again and would also put our friendship first.

In the last 6 weeks I have spoken to friend A twice, once she asked me to pick her DC up from nursery and the other time was to ask for a lift for her and Friend B to London (50 trip each way) at 11 at night, which in the end I said no due to spd and general pregnancy tiredness.

She hasn't spoken to me since or replied to any messages.

AIBU to think friend is now all pally with Friend B she is just talking to me when she wants something?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 16/09/2015 22:34

She asked you to take her and friend B, who has made up vicious rumours about you, to London at 11pm?

She is no friend of yours!

Hassled · 16/09/2015 22:35

Yes, I think you're probably right. The London lift thing - that was just a bonkers request and I can't begin to imagine why she would have thought it was OK to ask. Friendships change - it's very sad when an old friendship dies a death, but it happens. Keep some distance and do what you can to make new friends, but maybe in time she'll grow up a bit and value you more.

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 16/09/2015 22:39

And now I'm sat here crying like an idiot because I felt bad for not taking them and apologised for being a shit friend because they had to get the train Sad

OP posts:
SoftKittyWarmKitty · 16/09/2015 22:40

YANBU. My first impression was you're being 'Wendied'. Don't do her any favours any more, she's taking the piss out of you.

Theoldcauliflower · 16/09/2015 22:46

Oh op please don't cry or feel like a bad friend you so aren't!
Your pregnant for gods sake I can't believe they would ask for a lift that time of nightShock
Please don't feel bad you haven't done anything wrong!

Your friend is being a cow I would distance myself for a while
Hope you feel better soon FlowersCake

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 16/09/2015 22:51

Just seen your update. Don't waste your tears on this user, and certainly don't apologise! You've got nothing to apologise for, but her ignoring you is obviously making you feel like you have. Her silence is her way of 'punishing' you for not doing her bidding. She wants you to repeatedly apologise because that makes you appear weak, while putting her in a position of power. Don't do it. It's not you who's being a shit friend, it's her.

If you don't mind me saying, you sound a bit low in general and clearly this situation is eroding your self-esteem (for instance, making you feel like you need to apologise when you've done nothing wrong). How is life in general? Are you ok?

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 16/09/2015 23:00

I kind of knew the answer but hoped you would all tell me the opposite!

Thank you cauliflower and kitty.

In regards to life I've always been one to put others and their happiness before my own, swim oceans for those that wouldn't step over puddles for me so to speak. I am happy with my life and excited about my future with dp and our pfb but did feel a bit sad when I sat down and realised I don't have that many friends anymore and then realised Friend A may not actually be a good person to have around me at the moment and definitely need to reconsider godparents for DC1 and my future head bridesmaid Sad

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 16/09/2015 23:02

They weren't inviting you to go with them, were they?

CrapBag · 16/09/2015 23:04

No she isn't a good person. Sounds like she isn't interested as you are settling down and having a baby but she wants to carry on partying. That London thing was outragious. I'd never have even considered saying yes!

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 16/09/2015 23:05

Definitely not, was a rave type event where I imagine drugs/drink were involved as they got home at 9:45am the next day.

Not sure me and my bump would have fitted in!!

OP posts:
pictish · 16/09/2015 23:07

resulting in friend A admitting she would never be close with this girl again and would also put our friendship first.

And you believed her? Only someone who will do anything but, would say such a childish thing.

I have experience of the very same, long time ago now. She is not your friend. I'm really sorry.

ImperialBlether · 16/09/2015 23:09

Even a taxi driver wouldn't have wanted to make that journey (as there'd be no fare back) - why would you want to do it? She's lost all sense of what's reasonable in a relationship. She's not your friend.

pictish · 16/09/2015 23:14

You know what...that you don't have many friends any more isn't necessarily a bad thing. I felt like that at one point in my life too. I made new ones...nice ones that were worthy of my time. I had learned my lesson and raised my standards accordingly.

You will meet lots of new people when your baby arrives, trust me on that. It's going to be ok. You'll look back on this, and her, in three years time and be glad you had the savvy to move on.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/09/2015 00:24

My goodness, nobody in their right mind, pregnant or not woukd make that trip, it was rude and selfish of her to ask you. Yes I agree, she is giving you the silent treatment to punish you. I would also wonder what they are saying about you behind your back. I woukd distance yourself, let them get on with it.

MrsToddsShortcut · 17/09/2015 00:35

I absolutely 100% promise you that it's possible to move on from old friends, go through a 'fallow' period where you feel like you have no friends and are a failure, and then meet loads of lovely new people who will bring you happiness and genuine friendship. It happened to me.

I had a bunch of historic friends since teen years who I'd been through a lot with but who weren't that good for my mental health! I did go through a phase where I felt very lonely and a bit lost but, through school/kids I've met some new friends who are lovely and I feel really happy and positive. Life throws good things and good opportunities you way when you least expect it. You are about to enter a new and really exciting phase in your life (and I suspect A may feel resentful/displaced) but once you have DC you will meet so many new amazing people - I promise.

I think your friendship has naturally run it's course and A is really being quite hideous (the life to London is just bonkers - don't you DARE feel guilty!) but I think you just have to let her go. I know it hurts, but much better things are around the corner Flowers

MrsToddsShortcut · 17/09/2015 00:36

Lift!

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