To be annoyed with ds friends mum

[dingit]

ds went round friends house after school, not pre arranged, but he texted me which was fine. Went to pick him up to find he had climbed the scaffolding with his mate ( they are having loft conversion). Not only that, it was tipping it down making it even more unsafe. Me being me didn't say anything, but I did question ds stupidity afterwards ( he's 14)

14? If he's stupid enough to climb scaffolding in the rain its hardly the mother's fault.

Did she know about it? Im sure she would have told them to get down if she had.

Why are you annoyed with the mum?

I'd be spitting chips at my son and his friend. Fools

Hmm, he's only just turned 14, is very immature, and a bit of a daredevil. Sorry but if they were at my house I would feel responsible for their safety.

Why would you be disappointed with the mum? Do you think he asked her permission or she encouraged him? At 14 he should have more sense and would be telling him this firmly too.

sorry, but if my child was daft enough to do that, I would be questioning MYSELF and my parenting only.
even if egged on by the friend, I would hope my kids have the sense not to be so stupid, and to know they are alowed to say 'no' to things.

They're hardly small children who need supervision while playing. Was she actually aware of what they were doing?

was his mum there?

Not her fault at all. Unless she was stood at the bottom cheering them on, which would have been odd!

Yes she was there, one got stuck, so she helped him down. I've just told dh who wasn't surprised and said he would have done the same at the age. He said some things it's better not to know.

YABU. You should be cross with your son.

I'd have done exactly the same at 14.

I'd have a word about it not being the safest idea he's ever had but, hey, he survived. Not sure why you're cross with the mum though? At 14 he should be taking responsibility for his own actions...

I feel responsibility for boys - even 14 year old boys - who come into my home. That was dangerous, so i'd have said not on my watch.

YANBU (but have a sharp word with your son because he needs to start making good decisions soon)

So are you saying she allowed it?

Or just that she discovered it after the fact?

I would not expect two 14 year olds to climb scaffolding and maybe she didn't either. She'll know better now

I'd have done the same at that age.

Actually I did and fell off and broke my back. At 14 it was own fault for being and idiot and showing off.

Sharp word already had, sigh, but he's like a cat with nine lives. I always keep watch as both the other boys are on autistic spectrum, both lovely boys but a handful between the three of them.

They're fools! Fancy blaming the mother at their age!

I would never allow them to do that. You can't expect 14 year olds to be responsible in peer situations (whatever you tell them, the reality is that you can't) and the other mother should have had some basic common sense.

If he'd fallen and seriously hurt himself, and she had been in the house at the time and not intervened, then there would very possibly be liability for any resulting injury.

I'd be very angry indeed with my DS, but also unimpressed by the friend's mother.

If she discovered after fact, though, it's not her fault any more than it is yours. She wasn't to know. Blame is only reasonable if she knew beforehand and didn't intervene.

I'm with your DH, sorry.

You need to speak to your son

Sounds fun-

14? He made his own choice. Not a wise one, but his own. It isn't the friend's mother's fault.

YANBU. She needed to afford some kind of supervision. Even if she trusted her own child she was still the adult in the situation.

Different context entirely but as a teacher that would be curtains if that happened while they were under your responsibility.

Obviously though your son was also at fault.