To think the British education system attempts to totally disempowers parents...

[ArcUp]

I write this as a mother whose DC1 has just started school. I was expecting some feeling of handing my child over a to a 'system' but have been shocked by the force of that. It is as if the parent suddenly becomes the second fiddle in the child's life. These tests and decisions made by schools and professionals are somewhat overwhelming and there has been an influx of advice on how to parent, on how to teach my child to spell, what I should and should not read to him, what I should and should not feed him, how I should discipline etc. And then he has all day, 5 days a week where I have no say or no input into what or how he learns, suddenly this 'system' knows what is best for my child, apparently over me. And very little about this day is shared with me, apart from snippets at the school gate or small bits of information from dc. I find the whole thing very over-powering and disempowering. And I say all of this from a view point where my son is going to a very good village school. I don't think it is the school at all, just the general approach of education as majority of my friends with similar aged children seem to feel the same way. Parents (or main care givers) are, and will always be, the biggest influence in a child's life, I would expect the education system to embrace that rather than try to replace it.

May well be some pfb for me and struggling to let go. We've had a rough ride with dc1 health wise and nearly lost him a couple of times. He is doing brilliantly now and very much thriving. I will have to reflect on some of these comments.
I have thought about home schooling many times but I am the main wage earner and dh not confident with this approach so not sure its a viable option. And I am happy with the school, just the whole school/ education/ testing thing I struggle with. Had a letter saying he'll be weighed and measured soon and I know he's underweight and that just annoyed me even more, I don't need telling he's under weight, I know and I know why and we're following a close diet to correct it!

^ so when you receive the height/weight results from the healthcare team - you read them and throw in bin. Job done.
Remember that school has had many new reception children through the doors and knows how to teach, develop and work with them - the teachers have the children's best interests at heart as do you.

Yes, you may be aware, but there are many thousands of parents who think their child is gone, when they are actually considerably overweight. I don't understand why you can't see these interventions are not aimed at you personally. Expect an eye and dental check soon, too, just to forewarn you!

Arc, while you may find the weighing/measuring thing irritating, just consider a moment that there may be kids with inadequate parents who really do need the 'system' to do these things. So, they have to do the same for all, and quite rightly inform the parents. Would you really prefer that they didn't bother with basic health checks, or that they didn't inform you?

Yes, just learn to smile sweetly about the bollocks and enjoy it.

I must admit I sometimes long for the more remote world of secondary though.

Thankyou katie , that's reassuring, dc is loving it and very happy, so I don't think my anxiety affects him and I always am very positive about school with him etc.

YADNBU. It's one of the reasons we don't live in the UK DS is only a toddler at the moment but having lived and been educated all over the world the UK system isn't what we wanted for him.

So don't get him weighed and measured. It's not compulsory. Same with eye tests - my DC were already wearing glasses, so we opted out. But for many many children, it will be the first time anyone has picked up issues.

As for spelling... he will be taught to read using synthetic phonics (whether that is appropriate is a whole other thread) and writing and spelling are part of that system. It's reasonable of the school to assume that parents aren't fully familiar with the need to pronounce phonemes in a very particular precise way for spelling, and to give out advice or even instructions on how to do it.

Sorry, but it's another you are BU from me, based on all the excellent posts above. But I'm glad that you're taking what they're saying on board and thinking about it (even if you end up not agreeing with them).

I'm afraid I can't tell if you are being unreasonable as my dd is just a toddler, but I do share the same concerns as you. Reading pp I either need to get over myself and embrace the little boxes on the hillside or seriously look into homeschooling though given my struggling as a sahm I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a home educator

I don't think you are being unreasonable and you are entitled to reflect on the care/education your children receive. But don't forget that the teachers are following a curriculum that is dictated by the government/dept of education and that they in turn were voted in by people!

Parents want the teachers to be accountable and as a consequence the policies that they follow are somewhat dictatorial and this therefore gets passed down to parents.

I think I would read the suggestion and advice and make own mind up about what to follow and what to ignore as an adult you are able to do that.
I am sure many of the teachers find the things they have to pass on to parents slightly ridiculous but this is the system we have.

When my first child started (she is now ten) I felt the same and I think that that is ok. I would say that it does not get any easier in fact some of the things get worse when you see unfairness within the class, politics with other parents and children, continual testing and many other things.

I think someone has already said this but the choice is stay within the system, or reject the system and pay for alternatives or school yourself.

You can of course try to see the broader cause of the problems you highlight, I understand how you feel and I don't think you are being unreasonable.
Try to be measured in your responses and fight the things you really despise and find positives wherever you can find them!

YABU. What did you expect? To go into the classroom and sit and hold DC hand? Let the teacher teach for goodness sake

I think the main complaints are being told how to support feed and discipline your child outside of school- perhaps to fit the school mould?

I do think there is a nanny state drive, that began way before this government to "protect" children by removing parenting from parents and transitioning it to state providers. That is an extreme view of mine I know but you can see it in many areas. Some parents may find it empowering, some irritating.

I think if the school seems OT about it, then maybe it is the school and you would feel more comfortable at a different school? That said I agree with a previous poster, you have 3 choices, state funded education, privately funded education and home education. Has your DH explored Home Ed groups?

All in all though, if this is working for your family life and if your son is happy opt out of the weights and measures, feed him what you like, tell him off how you like, help with home learning in the way you feel fits your son best and just encourage him to enjoy his school days.

Yanbu, and i don't think you are being pfb either to be honest.

The uk system is a one size fits all affair, you are going to get some kids who are left behind or just don't fit with the system. They do their best to make sure every child 'gets by' with the knowledge they get from school. But I think its perfectly natural as a parent to want something more for your child and question how good the system is for them.

We don't want our child to learn enough to just get by, and we don't want to be lectured or nurse-maided by school staff about how to raise our child. We are lucky we can home school.

See I read some responses and think may be I am being pfb and unreasonable, them I read others and they resonate so strongly with me.... I wish we could home school but I don't think it work for our famoly life, and I genuinely like the school. I don't think the teacher is a bad teacher, not at all, I think she is very good, but I do think she is working in a very bad system that drives a nanny state and an assumption that the state knows better. Of course for some particularly vulnerable families this may be the case, but not for the majority. Lots to think about.... I am a thinker and will reflect lots on it all!!

I think perhaps when you have experience of education in other countries, it makes you question things a bit more, rather than just accepting them, and that's no bad thing at all.

I do remember the transition for me was a shock..From a full run down of my DS's day to nothing except what my DS told me was a shock.

I have had my Ds come back talking about healthy eating and then needed to redress it and explain that healthy eating was about eating a balanced diet esp as he is on the lower side of Healthy weight.

You do learn to deal with the system..Ignore the stuff that doesn't apply..If you are needing to follow a diet to gain weight these comments are not directed at you. They don't have the right to sensor what you read to your child so carry on.

The other thing I have learnt along the way is knowing what is going on at school does not change how anything is dealt with.

The children do get independent so quickly and soon are able to resolve issues.

Actually, as a teacher, I think lots of people have no idea how dysfunctional many families are and how harmful a home environment can be for children. Not necessarily through intentional harm being done, but just through parents having no good role models or even knowing what good parenting looks like.

Now thats a question ego!! I shoild probably should say I am a researcher in social welfare, mainly around homelessness, I disagree largely with a system driven mass consumerism and capitalism, which builds an ideal of conformity and success judged by wage or financial output. I would have a society that is built more on need, and respecting individual contribution, than trying to get everyone alike. Far too little time to really expand on it, but I would have greater investment in education, children not starting school until 6 or 7, and a curriculum led by teachers, not dictated by a state that generally is led by privately educated individuals. I would have smaller classes and more outdoor learning, and less testing. But this is my utopian ideal... not the reality. I have to live in the reality!!

The UK is a nanny state - no doubt about that - elf and safety gone mad.