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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To suggest DH gets a taxi

52 replies

sleepy11 · 16/09/2015 17:57

DH has a minor op on Friday and has to be at hospital for 7am.
I need to be at home for getting kids ready for school so he asked his mother for a lift - this was before we knew the 7am arrival time.
I told her today that as it has to be 7am thay he will get a taxi as I don't think he should expect his mum to get up before 6am to give him a lift. He is now in a huff.
What the hell is wrong with a taxi? He's not ill or anything, it's a cyst removal!
Was I BU to tell her not to worry about the lift?

OP posts:

FantasticButtocks · 16/09/2015 18:50

You might be being considerate of your MIL but you are treating your husband like a child

nokidshere · 16/09/2015 18:58

I'd get up early to take a family member to an appointment if they asked me, and for friends too. If it was a problem I would say no. I'd also get the children up early and take dh before school if he had an appointment too.

Nothing wrong with being helpful and supportive of adults

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 16/09/2015 18:59

I agree, it wasn't your place to change the arrangements.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/09/2015 19:00

I would see it as being considerate to MIL at the expense of being considerate to your DH. Not a choice I would make.

OneDay103 · 16/09/2015 19:02

It wasn't your life place to butt in though. You were trying to be considerate but at the expense of your dh. You should have left them to sort it out.

Spartans · 16/09/2015 19:03

I agree with pp you were considerate to mil, but not your dh. That's the issue.

You obviously don't think ywbu though. So not sure what else to say really.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 16/09/2015 19:04

I wonder just when DH would have told her how early that lift was required. Let them sort it out. It seems a shame to get his mother up that early but, if she is happy to do so or collect him later it's really up to her. She knows now what time is involved and that you were trying to save her a crack of dawn start.

pictish · 16/09/2015 19:06

Sorry OP I agree with the others...you might have been well intentioned, but you meddled where it wasn't your place. I'd be furious if my husband took over and cancelled my travel plans with my mother because he reckoned he knew better, like you did.
Ywu.

DoJo · 16/09/2015 19:08

I agree with PPs that you should have left well alone and let your husband and his mum discuss it and come to an agreement over what to do.

I'm not happy to look as though I will happily take advantage of her!

Do you not think that her relationship with her own son is a little more robust than what she thinks of your role in their arrangements? I'm not sure how anyone could interpret this situation as you taking advantage of her, but if she did have cause for complaint then surely she'd bring it up with your husband?

Hassled · 16/09/2015 19:10

I don't think you were being unreasonable at all - if the DH has any medical anxiety/concerns about hospitals presumably the OP would have known and taken that into account.

Some people just seem to see taxis as some wildly extravagant last-ditch "only to be used when all other options have failed" thing, which is nuts. I have a friend who looks at me like I'm insane every time I've mentioned taxi-ing - she'd rather scab lifts/walk/do anything at all, and it's not a money issue.

pictish · 16/09/2015 19:10

I understand that you were being considerate to your mil, but your dh is her son and it was between them. If she's unhappy with the arrangements it's up to her to tell him so.
It was not your decision to make.

Housemum · 16/09/2015 19:11

He asked, she agreed - what's the problem? Blimey, is my SIL going to post a thread about me BU next week - going in for minor op, need to be there at 7.15 and DH will be getting kids to school so she is taking me. I asked and she said she would - if she'd said no i would have got a taxi.

Fine for you to ask in conversation, "DH's op is 7am, is that still ok or should he book a taxi?", telling her that as it's early he'll go by cab is none of your business!

amazonqueen · 16/09/2015 19:13

I think I would be out out if I had made an arrangement with my son and was then informed by his partner that it might be too early for me. If Ive agreed to help him then the time is irrelevant to me ( presuming I have the time to spare)

I wouldnt be happy at being pushed out of doing this small service for a grown up child.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 16/09/2015 19:15

Surely it's between him and his Mum? Let him sort it out himself.

pictish · 16/09/2015 19:16

I'm not happy to look as though I will happily take advantage of her!

"Do you not think that her relationship with her own son is a little more robust than what she thinks of your role in their arrangements?"

Absolutely. You are inserting yourself where you are not required there. You don't feature in this at all. They had their own relationship as mother and son before you came along you know.

pictish · 16/09/2015 19:17

He can take 'take advantage' of his mum if he likes. She can can say yay or nay as suits her. Why did you interfere?

wigglesrock · 16/09/2015 19:18

Christ, my dad ran me and my daughter down to the hospital at 6.45 one morning - I'd have been fuming if my husband had told my father it was too early. Your mil is a grown up - if it didn't suit her, she needs to say. I'm assuming your husband is a grown up too - it's not up to you to manage their arrangements.

NullaBore · 16/09/2015 19:22

I took the bus at 6 30 am for my surgical miscarriage management because it would have meant waking dd up at stupid o'clock.

Didn't even think to take a taxi.

BertrandRussell · 16/09/2015 19:29

Oh, come on, OP, admit it. You weren't trying to be considerate to your mil- you were trying to elbow her out. And Mumsnet sussed you! It's a fair cop- time to give in gracefully.

Topseyt · 16/09/2015 19:30

Your DH and your MIL are both adults, I presume.

They could easily have managed this between them with no need for you to become involved.

Not for you to say what either of them should or should not do, so it was unwise to jump in there. You should have left them to it.

If my DH tried to meddle in any arrangements I had made with my parents he would get very short shrift indeed. He knows better than to try.

goawayalready · 16/09/2015 19:30

so you spoke to her concerned it was a bit early and inconvenient for her and she agreed with you everyone is pissed off you actually had a conversation and a reasonable relationship with your mil

really this makes a change from my mil sucks thread

yanbu you're thinking of others and your dh should be too

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/09/2015 19:34

I'm with the 'you shouldnt have got involved' between your Dh and his mum, camp. I'd be miffed if Dh took it upon himself to cancel something I was doing with my mum on my behalf, when I didn't want her to be cancelled.

HomeHelpMeGawd · 16/09/2015 19:57

"She agreed that it was pretty early to be giving lifts."

I think a lot hinges on this line.

If the scenario was something like this:
you say "did you know DH's appointment is at 7?" and she says "No!" and you say "It's pretty early, isn't it?" and she says "Yes, it really is" and you say "Look, if it's too early for you, don't worry, DH will take a cab" and she says "thanks!"
then in my view YANBU

If, however, the scenario was more like this: you say "did you know DH's appointment is at 7?" and she says "No!" and you say "I can see that it's very early for you. DH will take a cab" and she says "It is very early, but I don't mind" and you say "Absolutely not! I'm not having you get up at that time"
then in my view YABU

If you were foisting your views on her, YWBU. If you were enabling her to get out of an obligation that she didn't want to keep to, YWNBU. Only you and she know the truth of that.

TheExMotherInLaw · 16/09/2015 20:12

It was kind of you to consider MIL, but a bit interfering to have reorganised it, but no big deal in the long run.
How old is MIL, btw - would she have an early morning then a day at work, or is she retired, and would be able to have a nap in the afternoon to recover? I've turned out at all times of day and night for my kids and their OH's, and been glad to help.

Osolea · 16/09/2015 20:16

Sorry, I agree with others. It was none of your business and you should have kept out of it.

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