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To finish maternity leave early in order to escape my toddler?

18 replies

HackerFucker22 · 15/09/2015 19:11

It's been a bad day, on the back of a bad few weeks so I am probably a bit more fraught than normal but my toddler is driving me to distraction.

I am due back in a few months (DP is taking over childcare) but I am sorely tempted to go back early just to have a fucking break not even from the baby who is 7.5 month

My toddler seems to get harder every day. Alongside the usual tantrums / boundary pushing / general misbehaviour / stubbornness we also have a few other issues - mainly that he is a fussy eater and this in term means he suffers constipation and this means he is nowhere near ready to be potty trained and his nursery wont accept him until he is dry. So no respite with his free hours just yet.

I feel like every waking moment is a battle. Toddler wakes up and had a tantrum before he is even out of bed. He shouts, lashes out, throws things and is actually quite horrible.

We went out for the day today, I spent best part of £40 on the day and all he did was moan, tantrum, shout and quite frankly embarrass me.

If my poor baby would take a bottle I'd go back to work tomorrow. Am due to make contact with work and confirm start date.... What to do?

OP posts:

SpendSpendSpend · 15/09/2015 19:19

My dd is almost three. I only have the one and by god she is hard work!!!!

Many many mothers go to work for a break. There is no shame in it if you want to go back to work earlier than planned.

I take it its a pre school that your son is going to and thats why there is a toilet trained rule.

If you think it may be awhile before he is trained then it may be worth while getting him a private nursery that goes from birth to four


autumnintheair · 15/09/2015 19:36

most people I know say they work to get a break and escape.

do it.


StarlingMurmuration · 15/09/2015 19:45

I believe it's illegal for your nursery to refuse to accept your DS because he's not dry yet. Check out the ERIC website.

Flowers Hope you feel better able to cope soon - I toyed with going back early from my first maternity leave because I struggled to cope quite a lot due to PND.


Hellocampers · 15/09/2015 19:57

You are soooo not alone feeling this way op.

I remember praying for appendicitis when mine were little to get a break in hospital. Wink

Honestly they get nicer as they get older.


NotMyMonkey · 15/09/2015 20:55

Toddlers are hard work, I couldn't wait to get back to work when ds2 turned 2. Do it if it saves your sanity.


Fluffy24 · 15/09/2015 21:03


I had been dreading going back to work when DS was 7 months but I've actually been really happy being back, so I totally get it!


TheOddity · 15/09/2015 21:13

Yanbu! Toddlers are it easy!


Purplepoodle · 15/09/2015 22:06

Gym creche is your friend lol. (Even if u go for sneaky coffee in coffee area).

I wouldn't be spending big money. I used to go to toddler groups three mornings a week - not my idea of fun but kept tiny terrors entertained for a couple of quid


Purplepoodle · 15/09/2015 22:08

Could u not use your free hours at a private daycare?


HazleNutt · 15/09/2015 22:09

Do it. And at 7.5 months, your baby can eat enough food to manage while you work (I had a bottle-refuser as well). Toddlers are hard work!


rainpouringrainbows · 15/09/2015 22:20

I am a SAHM and can only say 1 thing: a happy mummy means a happy child. If you need to escape, do not feel guilty. It's about quality time, not quantity.

I don't understand about the nursery/ nappies. How old is your toddler? Preschools here (South East) accept kids from 2, and not potty trained.

Fussy eater: most of them are. Someone told me that it was easier to bin a jar than home-made food you slaved on for hours. It makes sense, so I relax and try to give a lot of fresh fruit juices if everything else has failed. (apple/ carrot/ oranges looks really bright for example).

Tantrums.. just try to remember how small that little person is, and how brave to stand up to big adults like us. (or just close the door and have a breather for 5 minutes). If you see me looking at you when he's having a tantrum, I am actually thinking: OK, that one too, so I am not the worst mother in the world after all.

Good luck!


LadySheherazade · 15/09/2015 22:23

I aimed to take a year during both my maternity leaves.

I took 8 months both times.

Make of that what you will!



Writerwannabe83 · 15/09/2015 22:29

I intended to take 12 months off when I had DS but I actually went back when he was 9.5 months because I was going stir crazy stuck at home everyday. I definitely saw work as "having a break."

In your situation I would say go for it!!!!


Moopsboopsmum · 16/09/2015 00:23

Has he been to the docs for his constipation? He could be withholding which really affects behaviour and mood. Maybe go and get some Movicol and see if helping him poo more improves his behaviour. I've been there it is not easy. Flowers


HackerFucker22 · 16/09/2015 07:55

Thanks all.

Touch wood today will be a batter day.

Toddler is under GP regarding his constipation and we've had Movicol (toddler won't touch it, even in yoghurt / drinks) and we've also been prescribed Senna and suppositories as it got so bad. It is diet related though so not much more the GP can do if child is refusing vast amounts of foods thay help with regulating bowel movement.

Fussy eating has been going on for over a year. Toddler is getting worse by the day. Half the time I barely get 2 of his 5 a day in him. I am keen not to make food an issue but it's a pretty dire situation. I was an incredibly fussy eater and only got better in my 20's

The nursery issue is slightly complicated but it's non negotiable for a few reasons - it's the best local nursery, it's attached the school I want DS to attend plus the idea is for DP to go back to work as well when baby is a year- and a family member will be providing wrap around care and her children attend this school. Plus the place is confirmed and DS is due to start in a matter of weeks.

OP posts:

HackerFucker22 · 16/09/2015 07:56

  • better day!!.
OP posts:

Snossidge · 16/09/2015 08:07

Have a meeting with the nursery, explain that he has medical issues that mean he won't be potty trained. They can't withdraw his place for that, it's discriminatory.


LieselVonTwat · 16/09/2015 08:49

Yanbu, but I might just send him to the preschool anyway and say he's not fully trained due to health issues.

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