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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to post the contact order in 6 inch caps through his door?

11 replies

foolonthehill · 15/09/2015 14:50

Argh...got to get this out somewhere. EXDH was and is an abusive twat...5 years separated 1 year divorced. We have the tightest,most detailed contact order for the DC in the world and still he texts and emails constantly with "misunderstandings", "clarifications", rebuttals and accusations that I am manipulating it.

Seriously I want this man out of my head.....and my in box
argh

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheep · 15/09/2015 14:56

Just don't respond

starlight2007 · 15/09/2015 14:59

I agree with pp it is part of his game.

LadySheherazade · 15/09/2015 15:04

Set up a Rule on your email that anything from him goes into a different folder. Peruse at your leisure (or not at all).

I'm not sure if you can set the same up for text messages, but might be worth looking into!

BestZebbie · 15/09/2015 15:29

Can you get the text of the contact order saved on your computer, and then whenever he texts with a bogus 'query', just email back with a cut and paste of the relevant sections and no other communication (or just very terse bullet-pointed facts about dates and pickup locations).

It is rather patronising to turn to the text equivalent of the Supernanny returning-them-to-bed technique, but he is doing the equivalent of claiming he 'just needs one more drink of water' here to intrude on you and get your attention spent on him.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 15/09/2015 15:33

Every question simply gets the same response...

You pick them up from here on Saturday at 10. You feed them dinner. You supply bed clothes and bed. You feed them tea. You give them breakfast on Sunday. Yo give them clean clothes. And breakfast. And dinner. You bring them back 5:00 Sunday night.

Eventually, he might learn. Or the kids will be big enough to choose not to go...

Set up a shortcut if you can in your phone, so you type in 3 letters and get the whole paragraph.

GloGirl · 15/09/2015 15:35

I agree just repeat the full contact order at every question.

Original poster

foolonthehill · 15/09/2015 15:46

you are right...it's all the same.

DC1 and 2 already see the game and choose not to go

DC3 and 4 get used and lots of EA...that's the trouble if I fail to respond or stone wall they get "messages" to bring home eg" mummy why do you not like daddy, you don't answer his questions", "mummy, daddy says he would have picked us up but you didn't tell him he had to" (just from last weekend) and "mummy daddy was crying because you tll DC1 and DC2 not to go to him".....

he has no shame, no sense of decency, and is the quintessential manipulative man child ....evidenced by the many friends who rush to do his bidding and support his non-earning, non-involved life. Whilst the world reckons I am the evil witch woman who took all his money (laughs) his kids and has the life of riley....bitter moi??????

OP posts:

Auntpetunia2015 · 15/09/2015 18:01

Don't know how but my friend set up and auto response to her ex knobhead with the contact order as an attachment the body of the email said see attached. It seemed to do the trick

Original poster

foolonthehill · 15/09/2015 20:22

sensible woman....

still have trouble acting like this as it seems the 2 younger DC always get caught in the cross fire...which is, of course, why he is still pushing my buttons.

OP posts:

Original poster

foolonthehill · 15/09/2015 20:24

glad to be able to let the frustrations out on here though...i am ice queen around him in RL (at least until the door shuts)

OP posts:

Unreasonablebetty · 15/09/2015 20:40

Op, he sounds v similar to the father of my daughter, who wanted nothing but to cause trouble and upset, when he became aware that he was no longer going to cause trouble he disappeared.
I would say, get another phone, allow him to have a number which you can be contactable on from him, but Monday to Friday morning- that phone is off, it's your time with your children away from his stress - my ex and his f2f would text me up to 5 times a day.

Daughters father was always deemed too irresponsible by the courts to be able to get any longer than 12-5 with our daughter, and he was told not to contact me unless it was to arrange contact- ie if he was late, or couldn't make it but he figured out ways that the could get around this, texting my partner or calling him, or using his girlfriend's phone to contact me.

I remember he even got his court order out to show me that the court order statedi would drop Dd to him- because my partner dropped her with him. Same place and time mind !!
Though I brought up he had done the same with his partner, which was why I thought it was ok to work that day, apparently this was me being controlling to them.

They caused so much trouble I quite literally cracked under the pressure. I was turned into a wreck but it got to the point where I had a solicitor write a letter that said they were contacting us far too much, they were verging on the edge of harrassment and the police would be called if it happened further. He soon got the hint and soon decided to stop paying csa and stopped all contact with Dr

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