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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think friend was justified in not lending clothes?

63 replies

INeedACheeseSlicer · 15/09/2015 12:11

Recently met up with friends and their preschool DC for a day out.
Friend A's son is potty training currently. (Friend B's son, and my own Dd have been trained over a year - this is relevant!)
Friend A's son had 3 accidents needing a change of clothes before lunch. Then after lunch, B's son wet himself, and B didn't have any spare clothes. B asked A if she had any spares, and she said she only had one set left, so wanted to keep them in case her Ds had another accident (bearing in mind he'd had 3 already). B was v taken aback and a bit pissed off.
Then I managed to find an old pair of spare knickers and blue flowery leggings of Dd's that I must have been carrying around crumpled at the bottom of my bag for the past year and offered those.
B refused them because they were for girls and she wouldn't ever do that to her DS. She said A should take them "just in case" and lend her (B) her boy's clothes. A wasn't keen, and said she'd rather just keep her own clothes.

B went home early as her son had no clothes to wear, and later posted a PA Facebook status about knowing who your real friends are.

I reckon A was justified in hanging on to her Ds's clothes.
But I don't think a 3 year old will be that scarred by wearing some flowery leggings for an afternoon, so I think one of them should have taken them, rather than B having to go home, so I think if I had been A I would have just taken them to keep the peace!

OP posts:

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 15/09/2015 12:48

B is a twat

ShadowLine · 15/09/2015 12:51

Friend B is being an idiot.

OurBlanche · 15/09/2015 13:00

And what did you and A reply to her PA fb post? Something equally PA I hope

KurriKurri · 15/09/2015 13:01

B 'wouldn't do that to her son' as in put him in flowery leggings, but what she would do is let him wear wet wee'd in clothes and underwear (very uncomfortable) until she got him home, and she was also happy to let him miss a nice afternoon out with friends. What an idiot, poor wee boy.

Irrelevant but my DS would have been very chuffed to wear flowery leggings at 3yrs, and thought he was the bees knees, he certainly wouldn't have wanted to go home and miss the fun.

magoria · 15/09/2015 13:01

I think A was right and B is being a cow.

But...

If A's DS is having so many accidents I am not sure he is ready for potty training yet.

Mrscog · 15/09/2015 13:03

I am with A and think B is being ridiculous. Although I think A was a bit silly to go out while her DC was still having loads of accidents.

Tiggeryoubastard · 15/09/2015 13:06

B sounds a complete tit. Dump her.

Original poster

INeedACheeseSlicer · 15/09/2015 13:09

Kevin you are probably right, I should be more assertive .

I think A was upset that her son was expected to wear clothes that weren't deemed good enough for B's - she's normally very pragmatic and doesn't care about gendered clothes - in fact she's actively against them. Maybe that's why B thought it would be OK.

B has always been a bit opinionated and hard work, but we have been friends since we were all pregnant together, so it is a shame to fall out. Though I agree the falling out is totally B's fault.

OP posts:

notaprincessbutaqueen · 15/09/2015 13:11

Friend A was in the right. Friend B is an idiot. she would really insist her ds sat in wet clothes then put on a pair of leggings with flowers on? how rude!
my 3 year old ds had an accident at playschool just before the summer hols, he was changed into very girly socks as i had forgotten to put spare socks in his bag (bad mummy!). he thought they were the best thing ever and was so proud of these socks. i had to sneak them back to the playschool without him seeing as he would have happily kept them. kids don't care x

ChunkyPickle · 15/09/2015 13:17

Team A.

DS1 has been trained for 3 years, and I still carry a spare set of clothes around just in case (Generally ones that are a touch small on him, so they double up as spares for little brother too)

Another DS who would have been very taken with the idea of flowery leggings, but would have refused the pants - he's very particular about loaned pants.

ENormaSnob · 15/09/2015 13:20

B is a nob

sleeponeday · 15/09/2015 13:23

I think you should be grateful this happened. Parents like this are a pain when the kids are all tiny - they get a damn sight worse when they are old enough for disputes to happen, and B expects all sides to defer to her snowflake's stellar superbness in all things. It can get really messy, and the kids are involved at that point.

Bin her off and be glad she showed her true colours so harmlessly and fast. The selfish degree of entitlement plus the facebook twattery mean she's advertised her own avoidability suitability for you.

RaspberryOverload · 15/09/2015 13:27

B is the idiot here.

Leaving her DS in wet clothes rather than use the offered leggings, even if they were flowery, is such a stupid thing to do.

hibbleddible · 15/09/2015 13:37

I agree b is wrong to leave her ds in wet clothes rather than flowery leggings. I know which one would be more comfortable for the boy.

Esmeismyhero · 15/09/2015 13:41

Team A!

I boils my piss when people say 'boys can't wear pink' blah blah blah

ArcheryAnnie · 15/09/2015 13:45

Team A here.

B was rude to both the OP and A, and ridiculous in her refusal to put a pair of leggings on her wet DS, while expecting A to.

LittleMissIntrovert · 15/09/2015 13:48

I still carry spare clothes now if we go out for the day, as my kids are so messy! (They are 7 and 9)

I'm with A on this one. And I would have done the same, even though I wouldn't mind putting my boys in girls stuff, it's the principle that B wouldn't! So I wouldn't lend my stuff.

I would be tempted to reply on FB saying something equally PA too!

Floralnomad · 15/09/2015 13:53

I agree with everyone else that friend A was completely justified , but I must ask did her DS have another accident and need his clothes during the afternoon ( I'm just nosey)

IamlovedbyG · 15/09/2015 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EddieStobbart · 15/09/2015 13:57

Even if there was any ambiguity about who was in the wrong before the FB part (and there wasn't), the idiotic status business would have blown that out of the water. I just wouldn't be comfortable with a "friend" who thought that kind of behaviour was acceptable.

CrohnicallyAspie · 15/09/2015 14:26

DD was very taken with the blue car pants she wore after she had an accident at nursery and I had forgotten to restock her bag with spares. I was just grateful that they had something clean, dry and that vaguely fitted to put her into.

If I'm out and about and someone needs spares I will always lend them unless I am down to my last set. Even though DD is potty trained now, you never know if she might be caught short, fall in something, spill food or drink down herself, or even randomly vomit, as has happened on a couple of occasions. Though if no one else had anything at all to lend, I might split the set eg lend out leggings and suggest other child goes commando, and DD can wear just dress and pants if need be.

Original poster

INeedACheeseSlicer · 16/09/2015 14:50

Floral yes he did have another accident , but only just, so actually only needed clean pants, not trousers.

We were supposed to be meeting up again this week, but B has just cancelled . I mean honestly, what an idiotic thing to lose friendships over!

OP posts:

lushilaoshi · 16/09/2015 14:52

Team A.

EduCated · 16/09/2015 14:54

B is utterly ridiculous.

Lucked · 16/09/2015 14:59

Bearing in mind A didn't know about the leggings initially I can't imagine having dry clothes and leaving a child in wet clothes even if it was just for a journey home so I would have given them over but would have been annoyed as it would meaning having to go home ourselves.

Both friends were being a bit twatish about the girls clothes.

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