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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm quite worried about this - very random/ unusual (I think?!) problem for son who has just started reception

22 replies

All41 · 14/09/2015 19:36

My DS1 is 4yrs old and just started school. when he was 2 he had his foreskin removed and an operation to fix hypospadias (hole under willy rather than at end). This was fixed, but left him with a rather small wee hole, so when he goes it is pretty powerful.. sorry this back story will make sense in a mo!!!
He is now worried about going to wee at school. They have small toilets and he is a very tall lad, he is worried he will miss the bowl and be in trouble. He is then also worried about doing 'sit down' wee wee's in case the other children laugh at him. He has been going to school for almost two weeks now and has only gone to toilet there once, when I was with him and encouraging him. Now it transpires in doing the longer days he has taken to not drinking much to ensure he can save up till the end of the day... every time I pick him up he complains of tummy ache, and then goes to wee and feels a bit better, but today it was really strong.
I mentioned this to the teacher last week and very briefly today, but with all the new parents she has a lot of people trying to talk to her.
I actually think this is quite an important issue to deal with now and don't think she has really realised he is not going at all and not drinking there. Tomorrow I will have a proper word, but I'm actually finding it quite distressing that he is so worried about this. I try and talk to him and took him to a place with little toilets at the weekend so he could practice (I didn't do this obviously btw!) .. :-(

OP posts:

DisappointedOne · 14/09/2015 19:37

Not wanting to use school toilets is incredibly common. DD was the same last year and now again in Reception.

DisappointedOne · 14/09/2015 19:38

DD did/does the not drinking thing too.

DevonFolk · 14/09/2015 19:40

Would it be easier for him to sit for a wee? You definitely need to speak to his teacher about it if he's holding it for a whole day.

JawannaDrink · 14/09/2015 19:41

How will the other children know if he's standing up or sitting down when he is alone in a cubicle? Lots of boys that age sit down anyway, I can't imagine anyone would mention it even if they did see him, which they won't.

whatdoIget · 14/09/2015 19:41

My ds sits down to wee and he's never mentioned it being a problem. He's now in juniors

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 14/09/2015 19:43

I had a similar thing with my DD. I emailed the teacher and the headteacher and requested that she was taken to the toilet every lunchtime and also someone to ensure she had a drink, to prevent UTI's. I had to be quite persistent, but got there in the end. Good luck

Misnomer · 14/09/2015 19:44

Poor thing!

Perhaps make an appointment to see the teacher after school rather than just trying to catch her at drop off/pick up? It's always a bit chaotic then and she may not be able to give it her full attention.

Original poster

All41 · 14/09/2015 19:45

I know they won't laugh and try to tell him this, and also have no idea where the idea of being laughed at has come from. We are very relaxed in our house and sometimes he will wee standing up here and sometimes sitting down, normally with the door wide open, chatting away to us. As far as I know he has never been laughed at, but he did start talking about it in nursery, not liking to go when the other boys were in the toilet, so I wonder if something happened once. I'll keep encouraging him. Just finding it worrying now, especially the not drinking.
Didn't realise it was a common problem though, that's more reassuring as teacher will probably have dealt with it before.

OP posts:

Pippin8 · 14/09/2015 19:45

I'd contact the school nurse & explain the situation. They can ensure that a proper plan is in place for your DS so that he's not singled out & doesn't end up with a uti.

School Nurse contact number shod be on your local healthcare trusts website.

Spartans · 14/09/2015 19:46

Rather than trying to speak to the teacher at pick up or drop off time can you arrange a time to go and speak to her? It very difficult to have a proper conversation when everyone else is there.

Really if he sits down for a wee he will be in a cubicle so no one would really know, I doubt the other kids would care either. But he probably doesn't see it that way.

You definitely need to raise it and explain fully what's happening.

cansu · 14/09/2015 19:47

Definitely make an appointment. Perhaps he could be reminded to go discreetly by teacher when other kids are busy doing something else. He also needs to know he won't be in trouble if he makes a mess and how to let staff know if he has an issue / accident.

Naicehamshop · 14/09/2015 19:52

Definitely speak to the teacher - she really won't mind and it is quite important for your DS. I work in a primary school and this sort of thing is quite common but don't let it drag on.

Original poster

All41 · 14/09/2015 19:55

Thanks all, obviously I am new to this whole school thing and really happy with how well he is settling socially wise and enjoying it. However need to sort this problem asap as he is 3/4 days at moment and full days from next week, so really will become a bigger problem.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 14/09/2015 19:57

Talk to the teacher. However, in the long term he will want to pee standing up so maybe get him to practise aiming? Dh and ds2 have the same condition (possibly in milder form cause neither have required surgery beyond circumcision) and it does make aiming more difficult. Ds2 finds urinals easier so maybe find out if any of the school toilets have them.

FiftyShadesOfSporn · 14/09/2015 20:05

There'll possibly be an enormous trough f it's anything like my ds's school - impossible to miss.

frumpet · 14/09/2015 20:06

Little boys wee all over the place , they have competitions to see how high up a wall they can wee and other unsavoury wee related business , tell him to try and aim for the hole , wipe any off the seat and I am sure all will be well

Flumplet · 15/09/2015 11:45

My ds is 4 and just started reception he always sits for a wee and doesn't see a problem with it. I'd encourage that as an interim measure. Good luck!

GloGirl · 15/09/2015 11:48

Can you email the teacher?

FiftyShadesOfSporn · 16/09/2015 08:35

If his teacher could say 'If there's a queue for the urinal boys, use the cubicles', he would have an out.

BlackeyedSusan · 16/09/2015 09:45

make an urgent appointment with the teacher and discuss. Also ask the school nurse for advice if you can.

MakeItACider · 16/09/2015 10:04

Do you think your relaxed attitude might actually be contributing? It may not have occurred to him that he COULD and SHOULD be closing the door in the toilet cubicle, and so feels the combination of the open door and children whose approval hes keen to get is what will lead to embarrasment.

Sazzle41 · 16/09/2015 13:08

As an ex primary teacher .. Do speak to the Teacher. if there is just a trough arrangement can he go into the cubicle every time & close the door ? Does he know people usually shut the door outside home for loo visits if you always have it open at home tho as per other posters have said? Regarding 'aim' .. you put cheerios in the loo bowl at home and he practices aiming at them!!

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