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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think its okay to take this money from sister

28 replies

lakia · 14/09/2015 16:10

I clean my sisters house once a week and she pays me £10 a week she offered this.
My sister suffers from depression and a complete lack of motivation and she feels this helps her a keep on top of things as she also works mostly part time sometimes full time and having me come in is a weight off her shoulders.
Our mother thinks it is wrong to take the money from her as my sister doesn't have a massive income and frequently runs out of money and sometimes struggles. I myself don't work but get by on benefits and I do sort of okay but like anyone else I am always in need of extra cash.
Our mom said it wouldn't hurt for me to help her out without been paid as I am her sister. Do you think AIBU.

OP posts:

HunterHearstHelmsley · 14/09/2015 16:21

I think it's fine.

If your mum isn't happy with the arrangement she could do it.. £10 is a bloody good price. Oh, or she could keep her nose out.

Original poster

lakia · 14/09/2015 16:24

OP posts:

HSMMaCM · 14/09/2015 16:26

I think it's fine. If your mum's bothered perhaps she'd like to do the cleaning ?

MaxPepsi · 14/09/2015 16:26

I don't think yabu.

I suspect that you are there longer than an hour if you only go once a week. Most cleaners charge £10ph minimum. My friend has a cleaner and she pays her £40 a week if not more!

I can see your mums point about helping out etc and if it was a one off clean once or twice a year to help her out then I'd say yeah, do it for free.

M00nUnit · 14/09/2015 16:28

I think you're being really kind to do that for only £10 a week. It's none of your mother's business anyway.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/09/2015 16:29

Your mum is quite wrong here.

Think about if you were cleaning your sister's place for free, how would that make her feel? Probably as if she'd lost control of her home.

By paying you, she is in control of the cleanliness of her house, deciding how clean she wants it to be and taking the steps to make it so - employing a cleaner. That the cleaner is her sister is neither here nor there. The relationship between you if one of equals, exchanging services for cash. By paying for the service she owes you no favours, does not feel beholden to you.

But, if her sister comes round and cleans "to help her out" what does that feel like? I would imagine it would feel like she is being criticised for not doing it herself, that her family considers her to be incapable of looking after herself - it would really impact on her self-esteem. The relationship would be changed, to you being the carer and her being infantilised.

It wouldn't hurt you to help her out without being paid, but it would most likely hurt your sister.

Original poster

lakia · 14/09/2015 16:29

I am there about 2 hours I thought £10 was very reasonable actually and I don't expect any more because of her situation.

OP posts:

starfishmummy · 14/09/2015 16:30

Well you have said your sister often struggles and runs out of money. Is she getting into bigger debt, or does your Mum have to bail her out? - Maybe that is why she is concerned.

RB68 · 14/09/2015 16:31

you are helping her out by doing it for a good price - as someone else has said anyone else would charge 10 an hr.

Tell your Mum its a token you appreciate and your sister offered. Just because your sister is feckless with money doesn't mean you should be penalised. If that doesn't cut the mustard then I would be going down the route of "well you could always do it for her for free"

sisterofmercy · 14/09/2015 16:31

If your sister is happy with it then it is fine. Your sister may prefer it as then you are getting something in return in a standard transaction and she doesn't have to feel like she is inadequate.and if you did it for nothing your sister may feel like she is a little kid again or something.

catfordbetty · 14/09/2015 16:31

I think your mother is wrong. The £10 probably stops your sister feeling as though she is exploiting the family connection.

Original poster

lakia · 14/09/2015 16:34

My sister has even said herself that she doesn't think its enough but I said its fine.

OP posts:

Original poster

lakia · 14/09/2015 16:36

I know that she wouldn't expect this for nothing as she is like that

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/09/2015 16:38

It's a regular arrangement and for two hours' work sounds good value. I take it your DM isn't offering a free service? Unless you think your DM is speaking on your sister's behalf I'd carry on.

FizzlePops · 14/09/2015 16:41

I think its one of those things where the person paying might not feel comfortable having this work done if its not being paid for, even a token amount.
As a pp mentioned, it probably makes her feel more in control of her own home.

scarlets · 14/09/2015 16:48

I think that it's probably important to your sister's self-esteem that you accept payment.

Not that it's any of your mother's business anyway.

FantasticButtocks · 14/09/2015 17:02

Your DM needs to keep her beak out stop interfering in arrangements between you and your sister as you are both adults.

colley · 14/09/2015 17:10

I am always a bit aghast at people who charge family members for help.

Rafflesway · 14/09/2015 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 14/09/2015 17:16

Whereyouleftit said it really well. This way, it's not charity, it's s mutually beneficial arrangement. Depression can destroy your self esteem so I imagine you doing it for free to help her out cause she can't cope would just make her feel worse. It was her idea, you didn't ask, and it's very reasonable. DM should keep her nose out.

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 14/09/2015 19:03

I couldn't charge family to help out, we do mutual favours for each other all the time.

I'd be a little if my child charged a sibling for help whilst they battled depression and continue to work when they were home all day anyway not working.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 14/09/2015 19:08

As an aside, is it possible to be 'a bit aghast'?

MatildaTheCat · 14/09/2015 19:11

Is you sister then asking your DM for financial help at the end of the week when she runs out of money? Maybe that's why she's not so keen.

Maybe you could do a bit of budgeting with your sis whilst helping with practical chores?

FishWithABicycle · 14/09/2015 19:18

if you and your sister are happy then your mum should butt out.

of course sisters help each other out but that covers emergencies and unusual situations not week-in-week-out employment. I doubt there is anyone on mumsnet who goes to a sibling's house every week to do housework unless that sibling is seriously ill/disabled.

Optimist1 · 14/09/2015 19:20

For you and your sister the current arrangement is win/win... she gets a clean house for a fraction of the going rate and you get a bit of extra cash and the satisfaction of knowing you're helping your sister out. There's dignity in both your positions. Your mother should mind her own business.

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