to take DDs birthday money away?

[FishFace99]

DD had £6 left from her birthday money in her purse.I have a money box for pound coins in the kitchen and DD was using it with her sister as part of a game. I later moved her purse in her bedroom and it felt heavy so I looked and there was now £13 in there. I took all the money out and she only noticed this morning. She came storming in saying where's my money, someone's taken my money etc. I said 'it doesn't feel very nice when someone takes something from you, does it?' She looked ashamed but didn't apologise and we were then distracted by getting readyfor school.

Would you keep the money as a consequence or give it back if she apologises off her own back?

I think you're BU but I can totally understand why you'd go batshit and make a dodgy decision based on something like that. I think it's one of those fundamental no-no's that absolutely freaks you out as a parent when your child does it (and I think most try their luck at some point).

I'd sit her down when she gets home, ask her what happened and why and give her a serious talking to about trust. Perhaps add a punishment along the lines of no tech (or whatever she's into) for a few days but definitely give her the money back.

She definitely took it on purpose; the purse was hidden under her pillow and she didn't even try to deny she'd taken it. She hasn't asked for it back but nor has she apologised. Definitely going for the disappointed in you talk tomorrow.

You can't punish her for stealing by stealing her money. Much better to make the punishment fit the crime by making her do chores worth £7, or refusing to take her an outing that would have cost around that much.

She's 8. Why would you expect her to ask for it back? You are her parent and you took it away. It's a massive leap to expect her to realise you want her to ask for it back and that you're waiting for an apology. It's as though she has to jump through certain hoops but you're not telling her what the hoops are - that's quite an unsettling place for a child to be.

I don't understand why you didn't talk to her at the time or any time since. You've now let it drag on to another day. I've no idea what you expect to gain from delaying the conversation.

I don't think YABU as long as the intention is to return her money after a talk about how her behaviour wasn't acceptable.

Removing her money would have been a short, sharp shock when she discovered it was missing and chances are it will make her think twice before she tries something like that again because she'll remember how it feels to be on the receiving end.

I'd have the talk with her, return her money, and put the coin box out of reach for the time being.

OP you dont know that she stole the money. It may have been part of the game. And it may just even be she didnt think and just put the money in her purse. She should be given the benefit of the doubt.

But even if she did steal the money her punishment should involve a less confused form of punishment.

Did she maybe take it and forgot to put it back in the box of course you cant keep her money to teach her a lesson i would be fuming ifshe did nick the £ coins though, talk to her keep her money as she isnt really responsible to keep it and dont allow her to play with other peoples money personsal belongings she is maybe a that whats yours is hers stage.

I think it was perfectly ok for you to take her money but I also think that you should give it back at the same time as talking about why she shouldn't have taken the money box money. I think relating it to the Aesop's Fable is a good idea. Then I think the whole thing should be over. No extra punishment. I don't see the point of dragging these things out.

I can recall being that age and loving the sound and feel of coins in my purse to the extent I even filled it up with metal washers so I could rake around in it looking for change the way I'd seen grown ups do. There was just something so satisfying about the sound and feel of it.

I'm shocked that an 8 year old did this. My 4 year old might do it, but not my 8 year old.

I do not agree with the people saying that taking the money from her is just as bad, or 'stealing'.
What would happen if she got caught shoplifting or stealing? She would most likely have to pay a fine, along with other consequences.