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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DS off nursery and not go to work?

24 replies

Eminybob · 14/09/2015 09:23

Ds is 14 mo and just started nursery last week. He had a cold last week but no temperature so I still sent him in. My first day back at work after mat leave was Friday and I was due to go in for my second day today.

DS was sick over night on Saturday night, and again just before bed last night. He's been mostly fine in himself, a bit off his food but his nappies have been very runny for a few days.

Nursery has the 48 rule so I haven't sent him in. It's the call to my boss that has prompted this thread.

I called her to let her know I couldn't come in, as I have no other childcare. I'm just doing reading/training at work as I can't do my actual job until I go on a course in November so it makes sense for me to stay off rather than DP who is needed in and has keys etc. MIL is the only other option but she is away for the weekend. Back sometime today but I'm not sure when and I can't get hold of her.

Anyway, my boss started questioning me about whether DS actually has a bug because "babies are sick a lot" when not actually ill. I guess she was implying that it wasn't necessary to keep him off nursery.

So it got me thinking, what is classed as D&V? Is it best to keep him off just in case? Would he have had other symptoms if he was contagious? And in summary should I have sent him in seeing as he was only sick twice and is well in himself?

He's very rarely sick so I may just be being PFB and he maybe should have gone in. But I don't want to risk passing a bug on, if he has one. I'm new to all this as you can tell!

OP posts:
5608Carrie · 14/09/2015 09:26

Flowers Trust your instinct. I remember those kind of phonecalls and they are crap. Don't feel guilty for loving your child and putting their welfare first.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 14/09/2015 09:27

You can't send him in within 48 hours of vomiting as these are the rules.

However I would try to sort out a back up plan (sitters dot com if nothing else) for future occasions as your work can't be expected to suck up multiple extra days off.

Duggee · 14/09/2015 09:27

You've done the right thing. A big will pass quickly around nursery. Hopefully other parents are just as vigilant as you are and their Los are kept off when ill too.

ConfusedInBath · 14/09/2015 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Eminybob · 14/09/2015 09:34

I would guess that if it is a bug he got if from nursery anyway. He has had a cold and now this in the week since starting! I believe that's quite common when just starting nursery though.

It shouldn't happen too regularly. I only work 3 days, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. MIL has him on a Wednesday so it's only Mondays and Fridays that he will be in nursery. And DP and I will take it in turns or MIL would generally be available.

I just feel terrible that I've only been back a day and already have to be off. It doesn't look great does it? But DS does come first.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eminybob · 14/09/2015 09:38

Why are you not surprised confused?

Do you think I should have sent him in? What back up plans do you have for your DC? As I say, I have no idea as I've not had to deal with this before.

OP posts:
FishWithABicycle · 14/09/2015 09:42

You don't have unlimited rights to take time off to look after sick dependents. You have the right to a reasonable amount of time to make arrangements for emergency childcare (agencies exist to provide this if all else fails).

Little ones do get ill a lot in the first few months after starting nursery as they get all the bugs going around and need to build up their immune system. If I was your boss I would be looking for evidence that you don't intend to take days off every time this happens but have backup plans in place. Expecting work to just deal with your absence every time would be taking the piss. Letting them know that normally in this circumstance your Mil will be on call would help get them off your back.

SurlyCue · 14/09/2015 09:43

Back up plan? Kids get sick, employers have to expect it an tolerate it. Should people have a nanny on full time stand by? Hmm

Yanbu OP. Vomitting and runny nappies means 48 hour rule. Hes probably picked something up at nursery, they tend to catch it all when they first start.

Lostthefairytale · 14/09/2015 09:44

I think our nursery has a 2 vomits (in a day) and your out policy for babies based on the fact that they can be sick quite regularly without it being a d&v bug. My DD used to quite often be sick with a cold as the mucus seemed to upset her stomach. That being said my 8 month old has only properly vomited once in his life so I probably would keep him off it your situation as I'd feel it was more likely to be a tummy bug. Speak to nursery about their policy as it may be more flexible for babies than a blanket 48 hour ban.

Original poster
Eminybob · 14/09/2015 09:49

I read my HR manual on the matter this morning. It states 2 days paid leave, then a reasonable amount of unpaid leave.

I have told my boss that I will try to make it in this afternoon if I can get hold of MIL, that MIL would normally be able to have him, or DP would stay off so I think she's fine about it.

What I was questioning however, is what is classed as D&V warranting keeping him off nursery? Does what I have described above give me ample reason to keep him off? Or would it be if he was vomiting more often, has a temperature etc? That's more my question. He's fine in himself at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eminybob · 14/09/2015 09:50

X post with last couple of posters sorry.

Thanks that's what I was wondering

OP posts:
Jw35 · 14/09/2015 09:54

YANBU you have to put your baby first. You can only be available to work in the capacity of being a mum to a baby so when they're sick you need to be at home. The timing is unfortunate but that's life!

Lostthefairytale · 14/09/2015 09:54

I think it's a question you are best places to answer given that he's your child and you know him best. I think it's probably just bad timing and your boss is worried this will be a weekly thing. Once he realises that isn't the case you will probably not be questioned in the same way.

Original poster
Eminybob · 14/09/2015 10:03

He's very rarely sick, as in vomiting. Even when he was tiny and breastfed he wasn't one for being sick or even possetting.

Which is why I kept him off, my immediate thought was bug.

Watching him now being running about like there's nothing wrong with him that I feel naughty like we are pulling a sicky!

Last night was horrific though. He was sick just as I was carrying him to his cot, and I had just given him a kiss and he actually threw up into my ear! Then projectiled all over his bedroom. It was everywhere. DP had to sort that out while the 2 of us jumped in the shower together. Fun.

OP posts:
PurpleHairAndPearls · 14/09/2015 10:13

If you have just returned from maternity leave, it's your second day in and you only work 3 days, I would asked my DP to take the time off. It makes you look a bit unprofessional, to be very honest.

I fully understand DC get ill Etc and people sometimes need leave, and at short notice. However, IMHO, if you don't have back up childcare, emergency dependent related leave should be divided equally between the two of you, and in this instance it should have been him.

It won't help towards getting equality in the workplace if men don't step up to assume their caring responsibilities. it always irritates me when women are assumed to be the default carers and their jobs aren't as important.

ConfusedInBath · 14/09/2015 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArendelleQueen · 14/09/2015 10:22

"Kids get sick, employers have to expect it an tolerate it."

There is no legal or moral duty for employers "tolerate it". Rightly, parents are protected to arrange childcare but certain people seem to think they have a sense of entitlement.

I don't think YABU, OP but I can see why your employer was Hmm if you've just returned.

Original poster
Eminybob · 14/09/2015 10:24

DP has keys to the safe, and there was no one else available to do his job while he's not there. I'm just reading manuals etc so no real loss to the business.

We both actually work for the same company (although do very different roles with different bosses) so my boss understands the reason I was the one to stay off. But yes I know it looks terrible it's not that I'm questioning as I had no choice. It's whether I should have kept him off nursery full stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
Eminybob · 14/09/2015 10:25

and I think the consensus is yes I should have.

OP posts:
NewBallsPlease00 · 14/09/2015 10:26

There is no back up for us other than me and do so we tag team; if it's a call out I go, I'm closest
If it's a full day not going in, she covers it as can sort of work from home (not possible with child but can work later)
If it's longer then I do next day etc
The only time this has caused issue was chicken pox needing a week- I did pick up, she did 2 days and I did 2 days hut worked in evenings and made up time
I have friends who have been ill themselves and not mentioned and sick dc...
I've also made a point of dragging myself into work (not contagious) when feeling awful so they can see I'm no lightweight
After 4 years of nursery they do toughen up
About toaster all over again with baby and praying it has a tough constitution...

PurpleHairAndPearls · 14/09/2015 10:33

OP, I would bear in mind that when they start nursery, they seem to pick up everything going. It might be worth casting around friends and family for a back up if possible and they're happy to take a poorly DC, as it will happen again (and it will always always be your work day!)

On one of my returns from maternity leave, 3 of my DC got chicken pox at the same time and DH (SAHD) injured his back badly. I had no choice but to take time off, it was literally the week I went back, typical timing!

SurlyCue · 14/09/2015 10:40

certain people seem to think they have a sense of entitlement.

A sense of entitlement to what? Time off to care for your own sick child? Hardly entitled

seaweed123 · 14/09/2015 10:56

I would always tend to take the day off (or DH would). If you sent him in today, and he was sick again or had a dodgy nappy, then you would need to pick him up and then it would be another 48 hours that he would need off (so my nursery would count that as off til Thursday). So safest to take the day off, IMO.

My work would be fine with that - though it would come out of annual leave, or be unpaid. If you don't have family nearby, there is not a lot you can do really, other than splitting it with DH as much as poss. Obviously, if I had a big deadline or something, then DH would cover it or vice versa. But companies do have to accept that people get sick, take holidays and have sick family on occasion.

Bejeena · 14/09/2015 13:18

You were not unreasonable to keep him off however for this case after just going back to work then child's father should have stayed off in my opinion. A child has 2 parents after all and he should have been prepared for it

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