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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nearly hit a child, WIBU to tell her off?

56 replies

mileend2bermondsey · 13/09/2015 17:26

So I was travelling on a busy 30mph road crossing a T junction on a slight bend. There was a big gap between me and any cars infront so presumably the girl thought there was no cars coming so safe to cross. As I rounded the bend I see the girl on a scooter dart out across the road. I slammed my brakes on and stopped approx 10ft in front of her. Very scary for both parties. She moved to the middle of the road where there is a pedestrian island kind of thing and my window was already rolled down so I pulled closer to her and said in what I think was a sympathetic tone. 'Darling, you shouldn't cross the road untill the green light comes on (she was at a pedestrian crossing). Its very dangerous, you could have been hit by a car just then. You need to be more careful.' She just stared at me wide eyed I tink she was in a bit of shock and I carried on along the road.

This girl looked about 8 and there was no adults around, tbh I was shocked anyone would allow her to cross such a busy road alone.

I told my mum about it and she said I should have just driven away, that the poor girl was probably terrified about nearly being knocked over and I shouldn't have said anything to her. WIBU to say something to her?

OP posts:

TheCatsMother99 · 13/09/2015 19:44

YANBU.

Although I'm sure the incident itself shook her up anyway, I think the way in which you spoke to her was absolutely fine, you just reinforced the danger of the way she crossed, you weren't threatening or aggressive and hopefully it'll stick with her.

ohtheholidays · 13/09/2015 20:52

No,you did the right thing I'd hope if a child I knew hadn't crossed safely and had a near miss that someone would stop and speak to them about the way they'd crossed the road.

Hopefully it means the little girl will be more careful next tim.

johnImonlydancing · 13/09/2015 20:58

YANBU at all. If that was my child I would want the driver to do what you did, (though ideally to be a LOT sterner than you seem to have been, so he could really get it into his head what a crazy, dangerous thing he'd just done!). next time feel free to shout and swear a bit :)

johnImonlydancing · 13/09/2015 20:58

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/09/2015 21:03

Well thank god for your quick reflexes and that the child is ok. I think you did the right thing by speaking to her there and then OP. Your words will have had an impact and might keep her safe in the future.

MaxieMouse · 13/09/2015 21:12

Yanbu. I was about 10 when I was told off by a driver for crossing on red in front of his car in practically the same circumstances as yours. I don't remember being nearly ran over but 30 years on I still remember being told off.

Topseyt · 13/09/2015 21:16

You did the right thing. There was a point to be made, you made it. The girl learned a sharp lesson that she hopefully won't forget in a hurry.

Thankfully both she and you were OK.

Kids on those scooters zipping along roads are a pet hate of mine. They are just sooo unpredictable and it makes me nervous driving anywhere near them.

TheExMotherInLaw · 13/09/2015 21:26

YANBU. It sounds as if you only said what was necessary.
I once saw a child run out of a concealed alleyway right into an oncoming van. He bounced off the bonnet and ran off, later to be hospitalised with a broken leg. The driver was in a hell of a state, but was not held liable, as 2 of us had seen what happened - he had had absolutely no chance of stopping in time.

Silvercatowner · 13/09/2015 21:33

I nearly knocked my next door neighbours son off his bike. He just pulled to the right, across the road, straight in front of me. I was extremely shaken up and knocked on her door to let her know, suggest perhaps her son do some sort of extra training. She was really arsey with me and hasn't spoken to me since. :(

bearleftmonkeyright · 13/09/2015 21:34

My DS ran out in front of a car today in a car park. I thanked the man for slowing down he was really arsey with me but we had a long chat about not running in car parks . He is 7 and decided to run after his Dad who was further ahead. It is so easy for it to happen, whether you are a driver or a parent who takes their eye off their child for a second. I think you handled it as best you could. It certainly shakes you up though.

Pranmasghost · 13/09/2015 22:05

In Chorleywood in Hertfordshire there is a pedestrian crossing just beyond a blind bend after you come under a railway bridge. Some years ago a lady with a pushchair and a toddler was hit by a car going too fast round the bend and on to the crossing. The crossing is still there!

teeththief · 13/09/2015 22:55

Yanbu. And I say that as a parent who saw her 8 year DS almost knocked off his bike after not stopping to look before crossing the road outside our house. The lady got out of her car to yell at him and I left her to it, mainly because I was in shock from seeing it happen. He came in white as a sheet and shaking but has always been overly cautious since. I was glad she didn't just drive on

CrapBag · 13/09/2015 23:21

YANBU. I was knocked over as a child (just before 10th birthday) because I thought I could get across the road before the car got to me, I probably would have if I hadn't stopped midway having panicked and changed my mind. Hopefully it gave her scare enough to make her think more next time.

I absolutely drum road safety into mine but I still wouldn't trust them. DS is 7 and awful in cars parks. I keep them by me at all times when we are by roads.

Pseudonym99 · 13/09/2015 23:44

You stopped, didn't hit her. She learned a lesson. No damage done (except to your nerves). Its thirty for a reason - to give you time to react to things like this. You reacted in time. As it is supposed to happen.

kali110 · 14/09/2015 01:13

Yanbu at all op.
Maybe this will be a lesson she never forgets, hopefully.

If you had hit them how could you possibly be sued for it?
Incidentally i saw a similar case recently on one of those court room tv shows where people try to claim compensation.
The child ran out from between parked cars after their friends and was hit. The mom was trying to sue for damages.
ThEy lost.

ohtheholidays · 14/09/2015 08:33

Silver Cat that must have been horrendous for you and it was really good of you to go and tell your neighbor and your neighbor(the mother) sounds like a right arse.

Pranmas were they okay?I hope so.

MotherOfFlagons · 14/09/2015 08:41

I am always shocked at the number of parents who push buggies out between parked cars. A few years ago I was driving down a road with cars parked both sides so it was pretty narrow. A woman with a buggy just pushed it out right into the road ahead of her as she was waiting to cross the road and I had to brake hard to avoid hitting it. She then had the temerity to shout abuse at me because she put her own child in danger.

LoseLooseLucy · 14/09/2015 08:43

I'd rather someone shout at my child and shit the life out of them if they'd done that.
Frightening them would make them less likely to do it again.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 14/09/2015 08:44

Oh God yanbu! Thank goodness it was you and not some nasty person who might have shouted at her...I am sorry you've had a shock....terrifying....but as the mother of girls of similar age...you did the right thing!

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 14/09/2015 08:46

I would have slowed to 20mph for a bend.

You must be a delight to be behind - maybe you should take the bus if you're that nervous a driver....

Original poster

mileend2bermondsey · 14/09/2015 08:47

I'm glad the consensus is IWNBU, my mum threw me off a little.

My gut reaction was to shout my head off, probably from the shock/stress but when I saw her little face she was already so scared I thought a stern but sympathetic 'telling' was the best way to handle things. I'm not the greatest with children so glad that most parents seem to be happy with how I handled things.

OP posts:

Dixiechickonhols · 14/09/2015 08:55

Agree you didn't tell her off just spoke to her. I can imagine you were very shaken up so you did well not to shout. There is research that children under 10 or 11 can't properly judge traffic speed. If she was in school uniform I'd be tempted to contact school and explain and ask if they can mention it to juniors and reinforce need to use crossings. Not sure what road safety they do at school but I go to work past a 6th form. Most have little idea of basic road safety - there is a pedestrian crossing. I'm tempted to email college and ask if they will show one of those kids road safety film I watched at school in 80s. Crossing when on red, just walking across assuming car will stop, standing right in the edge of pavement then stepping into road.

gabsdot45 · 14/09/2015 08:59

When DS was quite small he got away from me and stepped onto the road in front of a car. The car stopped and I immediately grabbed him back but I got an awful fright. Then the car behind the one that had stopped also stopped and an old git man in the passenger seat started telling me off, said I should be more careful, not let the child run on to the road. I burst out crying. I was upset enough without some randomer interfering.

OP I think you dealt with the situation very well.

NoonAim · 14/09/2015 08:59

I was nearly hit by a car when I was 8 and riding my bike in the road. I did a u-turn right in front of an oncoming car.

The driver jumped out and yelled at me like no other adult had ever done to me before. It left a lasting impression and I took road safety very seriously after that.

Too many adults now are scared to say boo to children - takes a village and all that.

Lj8893 · 14/09/2015 09:00

You did the right thing.

I was driving through a village the other day (30mph) and a couple of boys about 10yrs were mucking about pushing each other. As I was coming up to them one got pushed out on to the road in front of my car!

Thankfully i managed to stop in time and he jumped back on the pavement but I shouted at the pair of them and told them not to be so stupid!

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