Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To force dd to start brownies?

43 replies

Bogeybrains · 12/09/2015 22:23

DD painfully shy and has major SEN issues. Am desperately trying to think of ways to help. DD is so shy, she never wants to do anything out of her comfort zone. I was told brownies might do her good so I literally forced her to go despite her saying she really didn't want to. She made no effort to join in, just sat on the verge of tears watching despite the leader's coaxing. Some of the things they do would be really hard for her to do too even she did make an effort. The leader told me to bring her again and that she will end up loving it. She's already crying at the prospect of going again. I think it would do her good if she were to join in and enjoy it. If she goes, she will probably scream the place down. She is adamant she is not going. The next session is on Monday so I really need to make my mind up.Would you force her to go?

OP posts:

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 13/09/2015 05:40

No to brownies for now, it's not for everyone (and all my female family but me are owls and I was part of the organisation til I was 15). I agree with riding, look up rda near you? Also (I bang on about it) Special Olympics. It's for people who have additional needs and your dd can be social or not, but will be in a supportive environment, both coaches and athletes, in my experience. There are loads of sports, and your dd can be as serious or not as she likes in terms of competition.

BathshebaDarkstone · 13/09/2015 05:53

Sorry to hijack: I have a similar problem with DD 8. DA wants me to force her to join choir club at school. I think I should let her join whichever club she wants. What would your DD like to do?

Justanotherday1 · 13/09/2015 05:57

I agree with what the majority have said, please don't force her to go.
I loved rainbows but hated brownies and I wasn't a shy child it just wasn't for me.
Is there anything her friends do or her cousin that she can go to or something they could join together. It might make it easier if she has someone to go with. My little girl started dance with a friend. She now goes on her own but it made the first couple of lessons easier for her.

Spartans · 13/09/2015 08:57

I wouldn't my dd hated the idea of brownies. But loved the idea of kick boxing. I though brownies would be better, because she was quite a nervous child and kick boxing involves sparing. I thought she would hate it.

I was wrong she loves it and can see now brownies wasn't for her. As you said, you have managed to get her to like other things it just take time.

Maybe you need to do something and take it slowly. If you join her up to something else, speak to the leaders and take her but leave after a few minutes and build up how long she is there. I imagine being thrown in for a full session very daunting for her.

How did you coax her ino going o theme parks and The cinema?

Purplepoodle · 13/09/2015 10:50

I hated brownies but loved guides later on. I'd try more 1-1 that can then be used to widen her circle like horseriding, private swimming lessons. I really like the badgers at St John's ambulance, u can join at 5 so she wouldn't be the youngest and might give her more confidence

TwmSionCati · 13/09/2015 10:53

no don't make her go, it just doesn't suit everyone.
Put yourself in her shoes.

hibbleddible · 13/09/2015 10:57

Yes ywbu to force her to go again.

I'm all for persuading a child to try one session of an activity, to see if they end up enjoying it. Two sessions would be too much, especially as your dd has SEN and this is so difficult for her.

Maybe look for an extracurricular activity in a smaller/quieter group that would suit her? Brownies is too much of a jump from the sounds of it.

TwmSionCati · 13/09/2015 11:02

oooh riding lessons, I see someone has mentioned.
You say she has 'major SEN issues' - could you join an RDA group? or just take her along for lead rein lessons at your local riding centre (if you still have one, so many have closed down).
Years ago a group of SEN kids would come along to our riding school once a week, and we helpers enjoyed it as much as they did. It did so much for their confidence.

SideOrderofChips · 13/09/2015 12:05

Im another one that will suggest riding lessons, especially one on one lessons.

Horses are extremely theraputic and good for the shy child.

ShiningWhite · 13/09/2015 12:19

Does she want to be more social? Or is it that you want her to be? Perhaps she is happy with her three friends and home life and doesn't need to be pushed to do new things all the time?

Annwfyn · 13/09/2015 13:13

Oh poor thing. Don't force her to go. My mother made me go to Brownies despite my hating it, and I think the experience 1 was really bad for me. I still shudder at the memory.

I was a very shy child but loved horse riding, ballet class and ice skating. Stuff where it was okay to be quiet and I then could reach out and get to know people when I was ready.

FuckOffJeffrey · 13/09/2015 13:55

I wouldn't force her to go if she hates it, but I understand you may be reluctant to give up her space if you have been on a waiting list for ages. My DD is very shy but loves rainbows (she likes earning badges and doing crafts). She doesn't really speak much to the other children and she says is too noisy sometimes, if she said she hated it then I wouldn't force her to go.

I was also going to suggest horse riding as an alternative for her. She will meet other children at lessons but it more of a 1-1 with the horse rather than a group thing. Other ideas would be group music lessons or an art club as these tend tone smaller class sizes. Somewhere she can express herself without feeling overwhelmed by a large group of noisy children with already established friendship groups.

FuckOffJeffrey · 13/09/2015 14:19

to be not tone

PennyPants · 13/09/2015 15:54

Why would it "do her good'?
DD packed up brownies to go horse riding and has never looked back. rainbow's was great but when she moved up to brownies all they ever did was colouring and go to the park. Plus the leaders were very shouty.

autumnintheair · 13/09/2015 17:16

Could you try a different pack? They can be very different, I'm involved in two Brownie packs, very different atmospheres

How do we do that? I would love my dd to try another pack but ours are all so busy with long waiting lists, I was met with funny looks when I suggested it as DD not fitting in that well.

As a marker, after 9 months she doesnt know any of the girls names and when they go on outside trips, she has no one to pair with.

Surely after 9 months this is a little lame.

autumnintheair · 13/09/2015 17:18

op I would ask her to try one more lesson then if she doesnt like it she doesnt have to go back.

brokenhearted55a · 13/09/2015 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 13/09/2015 19:02

Brownie leader here.

I agree, don't force her. Maybe in a year or six months or whatever try again with a different pack.
To the PP who asked about moving packs, does dd have school friends who go to a different brownie group? Mine tend to start off in groups of school friends and mix more as time goes by especially with trips and pack holidays where they get to know the others better.

If there are waiting lists, moving may not be as easy, but I would much prefer girls to stay in guidibg by moving to a pack that better suits them than quit altogether. Can you get contact details for your district commissioner? They will usually have a sense of the feel of each group, and may be able to help

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread