AIBU FIL and baby?

[Therewasanoldladywho]

Morning. When my 7 month old ds cries and it's high pitched, fil calls him a big girl, or a Jessie. This happened recently and I said he doesn't sound like a girl, he sounds like a baby. He carried on saying it.
He also does this to his other grandson, nearly 2 years old.

AIBU to really not like this and ask him not to say it or am I being precious and overreacting?

Thanks.

YANBU my FIL is hideous sexist and I always call him up on it. Doesn't seem to have any impact but I can't just leave it.

yanbu.

Bear in mind your FIL is from another generation, but no, it's not acceptable. I'd say outright that there is nothing wrong with crying, and why is sounding like a girl bad? What's wrong with girls, exactly?

He probably thinks you're being precious and over-reacting, but then he's from a generation where casual sexism is the norm. :(

Go for your life in asking him not to do it - if you don't challenge these "norms" they'll never change - but don't expect him to actually listen :(

I think what Home says is right.

You won't change your FIL, but by showing you disagree with him, you can offer an alternative perspective to the children involved.

God that would boil my piss

Pick him up on it every time, I'd say gosh you say that every time he cries ! Then look pointedly at him

I have a good death stare though

Yanbu! What is a Jessie? Wtf picking on a baby. Correct him firmly when he does it. Does he think your dh cried like a boy when he was a baby.

Oneday; I don't think he was around much when dh was a baby

Just want to add, dh has told me he agrees with me, but doesn't say anything.

Dh needs to step up here, he's doing it when they are babies what's it going to be like around him if they start crying for other reasons, nothing worse than when little boys especially are told off for showing their feelings, particularly in a disgusting sexist way.

PIL probably isn't that old, is he?

My dad's in his 80s & it's not a thing that he has ever said.

I remember it being said at school amongst peers iyswim.

Even if it wasn't sexist, it's still making fun of a baby!

It's not as if baby has any control over how or why he cries FFS!

Perhaps you should ask him to demonstrate what crying like a boy sounds like, eh? IME, babies all sound the same when they cry.

YANBU, it would annoy me too and it is casual sexism - but don't overreact. Pick your battles.

Thumb the point is he's not supposed to cry. He's a boy. They are not supposed to display emotion, except by hitting people

OP YANBU Your ds has a whole childhood of this ahead of him and personally I think many more people should challenge such damaging attitudes.

Oh I see. Well clearly a 7mo baby needs to be told not to cry, to man up etc., and he'll listen of course.

The man's barking.

Yanbu, can you ask mil or dh to also correct him? Sometimes it takes a concerted effort with these things, before they catch your drift

Tell him if he cant say nice things about grandson then dont say anything at all. 3 strikes and refuse to take him round to visit anymore. Harsh but once baby starts understanding him can cause confidence issues!!

Seconding contractor... your DH needs to step up and tell his father to knock it off.

My ex-partner has caused no end of emotional damage to our 11 year old DS by calling him things like "a big baby" when he's cried (the last time was after DS fell off his bike and damaged his knee cap... he was in agony, and frightened, and cried - as I think most of us would do, to be honest!).

For the sake of your DS' emotional health, he needs to be able to cry, and get cross, and all the rest of it, without being told that only girls and babies cry. Because if it's not knocked on the head now... that's what will happen, I'm afraid.