I think I need the brutal candour of AIBU to tel me to get a grip.
As background my husband and I have previously argued about how much he goes out. He was going out every Friday night as well as working late and doing sporting activities on other nights. Saturday night he wouldn't go out but would be knackered. We came to a compromise that he could go out on Friday nights but Saturday nights we'd have a date night and having one night a week that was just us took priority over a Friday night out if the other nights were busy.
Sorry, I hope I'm not being too long-winded.
This evening my son lost his beast quest cards, I rang my husband to see if he knew where they were and he didn't answer.
At home, for some inexplicable reason, all hell broke loose, my 7 year old said he wanted to run away, my five year old said other things and the two year old screamed. my friend popped over and the five year old let the dog into the road and my 7 year old departed for a long-planned sleepover. I rescued the dog and then my husband rang, just as the hullabaloo ended.
I asked him where he had been - perhaps accusingly, I didn't mean it that way but I was mega frazzled. He said he'd been in a meeting. He got home, was angry that I'd doubted him, said that I ruined his fun, he has plans to go out with the fathers so was only going to be back for half an hour. I found out that actually he had been in the pub. (He didn't tel me this), he says that although he's been a dickhead for lying about the meeting he's angry with me still for ruining his night and sulked a bit and said he wasn't going to go out. I told him he had to as he'd said he would, he agreed but asked why if been so accusatory on the phone, I really don't think I had been too too bad but said that itched been a tough day he said that I hadn't actually had that hard a day. He's really pissed off with me.
When i found out he had been in the pub (I was using his phone to check cinema listings for tomorrow and saw the internet page saying 'does coke hide alcohol breath?) I just laughed. I have tried to be really upbeat.
But I don't know, I actually feel really upset. He said that I shouldn't have asked him where he was like that, I said he usually texted to say when he was coming home and that was why I had. (The texting to say what time he expects to be home is something I asked him to do as it varies so much).
He's really cagey about his phone. I'd asked to borrow it to check listings and he just hang around all the time and dos the pin himself instead of telling me it - it has changed. How do I get is back on an even track, have we both behaved really badly? Or is he actually being a twat. I've tried to give a fairly even-handed account.
Sorry for such a long post.