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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why support a convicted rapist?

22 replies

YellowTulips · 11/09/2015 20:54

Apologies - its a daily fail. www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3231010/Army-captain-raped-house-guest-fianc-e-slept-room-jailed-seven-years.html

I really just don't get this. Actually beyond speechless that "you" would support a man like this.

What women "stand by" men like this? I want to weep Sad

OP posts:
cremeeggboycotter · 11/09/2015 21:13

Ched Evans fianc??e stood by him and he admitted to rape! I think she's a weak woman who can't fathom her husband cheating (how she sees it) or (blatantly from her dad's input into it all) has gone from being controlled by dad to her husband doing it.

Delusional is the word for this woman. He admitted to sharing DNA and he's been found guilty of rape. They can't surely believe she nicked his sex toy? Delusions. Big time. Likely the only way they can cope with knowing he's a rapist. Sooner or later, the delusion will crumble...

I remember a case in the Us. A child, 12 or 13 was gang raped and the parents/partners and community rallied around the 'poor boys' and were horrible to the victim rather then admit they knew a rapist.

It is a shock when you find out someone is a rapist. When I realised I went through anger, denial, fury and deep upset. I wasn't delusional though, I accepted the truth and went NC.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 11/09/2015 21:16

creme I remember that US case. I'm pretty sure the victim and her family ended up having to move because of the abuse she got. Disgusting.

cremeeggboycotter · 11/09/2015 21:19

PaulAnkaTheDog I remember it made me really upset. I signed a petition to get those rapists arrested and charged but surprise surprise rich families of the rapists, they got off. I was hoping for a good outcome but there was never an update, save 'they're being defended and getting away with it because their families are rich.'

Andrewofgg · 11/09/2015 21:22

What would any of us, male or female, do if it was our own DS?

We just have to hope we never find out. That's a nightmare scenario for every parent of a male.

Cerseirys · 11/09/2015 21:23

I can't read the article as I can't copy and paste links on my iPad but bloody hell how depressing. It's like the rapist Ched Evans' deluded fianc??e, who, I think, is now pregnant to him.

cremeeggboycotter · 11/09/2015 21:25

Andrewofgg Or anyone who is married to one, related to one or friends with one...

The one I knew was a parent. Thankfully no longer.

Andrewofgg · 11/09/2015 21:28

cremeeggboycotter For a man the thought of it being your son is the worst of these nightmares - I see that for a woman the thought of it being her husband or partner might be even more horrible. May we all be spared the knowledge.

cremeeggboycotter · 11/09/2015 21:38

I very much hope so Andrew. That's a horror no one wants.

Nanny0gg · 12/09/2015 15:00

What would any of us, male or female, do if it was our own DS?

Stand by them, but not obviously in any way condone, or excuse I would hope.

But stay married to one?

Hell would freeze over first.

And I don't know if I got the timeline wrong, but were they engaged at the time of the rape, so got married whilst waiting for the court case?

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/09/2015 15:26

Has ched evans admitting to rape? I thought that he was still denying it.

But in answer to your post, I have no idea why someone would support a convidted rapist.

OneDay103 · 12/09/2015 15:33

She's a stupid, stupid woman, I have no respect for her. What an idiot.

ImperialBlether · 12/09/2015 15:34

Ched Evans has never admitted he raped that girl. He said she consented because she agreed to sleep with his mate so obviously she didn't mind sleeping with him, either.

scarlets · 12/09/2015 15:35

Ched Evans' fianc??e is convinced of his innocence, which is how she probably rationalises it.

RomComPhooey · 12/09/2015 15:39

Here's the story on the Mirror, for those of you who don't want the Daily Mail counting your click: www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/army-captain-jailed-raping-house-6427854

LilacSpunkMonkey · 12/09/2015 15:41

No, the Convicted Rapist Ched Evans (as I always think of him, thanks to the phenomenal FWR board here) has never admitted he raped that girl. And his idiot of a girlfriend has been brainwashed by him and her family.

Shame on all of them.

Andrewofgg · 12/09/2015 16:08

Somehow I can't feel as badly about parents or siblings of a convicted rapist being supportive of him as I do about RCE's twat of a GF/fiancee. whichever she is now. Your own kin are your own kin.

In the magistrates' courts we see men accused of d.v. and awaiting trial or sentence being bailed to Mum's address. She will shelter him, whatever he's done, even if he's pleaded to it, rather than see him go to prison. And TBH it seems natural to me.

sashh · 12/09/2015 18:15

Has ched evans admitting to rape? I thought that he was still denying it.

He has never claimed he didn't have sex with her, I believe he has also admitted he did not have consent from her, but he doesn't realise that's rape.

Cerseirys · 12/09/2015 19:02

What I don't get about Ched Evans' fiancee and her father is that at worst he's a rapist and at best he's cheated on her in a fairly grim manner. Why would you stand by that sort of man, and encourage your daughter to stand by him? Shouldn't you encourage her to have a bit more self-respect?

Ilovefluffysheep · 12/09/2015 19:22

I'm sure I read ched Evans fianc??e is pregnant? May have made that up as been on a lot of drugs recently thanks to surgery!

Andrewofgg · 12/09/2015 20:21

Indeed Cerseirys and daddy is wealthy in his own right so she's not even just thinking of the money he used to make but will probably never make again. I don't understand her or her father; but I have some understanding for his mother and his sister.

As for the baby s/he's got a rapist for a father and a moron for a mother. What a start in life.

Cerseirys · 12/09/2015 21:13

Yes fluffy, www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/rapist-footballer-ched-evans-become-6006049

I have no sympathy for his fiancee, given that she led a campaign of harassment against his victim. And what sort of father doesn't want to beat several shades of shit out of a guy who's cheated on his daughter?

IWentThroughThis · 12/09/2015 21:47

Name changed for obvious reasons.

I went through something similar to this with an ex-partner who was arrested for a serious crime. The shock and denial to begin with were huge and I did spend a while trying to think up some kind of explanation because no-one wants to admit to it. I thought of him as my family as I'd known him a long time and I didn't know what to do. I ended the relationship straight away but my ex was a master manipulator and a nasty piece of work afterwards - he was threatening suicide, gaslighting etc. I'm ashamed to admit that I did half heartedly go back to him for a short while (only after he'd given me a particularly nasty ultimatum though) but then ended it again. Even after someone told me they thought he was dangerously abusive to me, I told myself they were over reacting.

To cut a long story short, I did manage to get out completely but took a fair while. From my understanding of that article, she married him before he received a conviction so I expect he's told her some sob story about how she was either making it up or she seduced him. People who are capable of this sort of crime are very good at being manipulative so who knows what he's been saying to her. Having said that, I would never in a million years have married my ex after what he'd done!

In a way, I just feel sympathy and pity for her. How bad does her life have to be for her to feel she's not capable or worth being out of this relationship. I did feel sorry for Ched Evans' wife to begin with until I found out she'd been harassing his poor victim - that is completely disgusting and inexcusable and I hope this woman doesn't share the same attitude. As much as I can empathise with their position because I've been through it, I can't imagine how slapped in the face their victims must have felt seeing these men's fiancees stand by them.

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