To Wonder if I Should Maybe Complain...

[RockinHippy]

about how DD was spoken to by a young staff member in our hospital pharmacy - particularly the obvious assumption that as she is currently in a wheelchair, she must therefore be mentally lacking in some way & therefore speaking to her like a 2 year old is acceptable - it's still bothering me a week later - would I be justified in complaining or am I being over sensitive

DD is soon to be 13, but looks much older - I was getting her prescription having just seen her specialist. DD had money to spend & wanted to look at lip balms that she was interested in buying.

No testers on the display, but she buys for the smell/taste, so she took the lid of one to smell it to make sure it was the one she wanted, she didn't touch the product at all - it wasn't sealed, I probably would have said don't - but she didn't really do any harm & didn't deserve the reaction she got.

Young girl who was behind the counter I was at, not much older than DD by the look of her, loudly proclaimed "she shouldn't be using the lip balms" I tried to say that she wouldn't be, she knows better, but the girl glared at me, rolled her eyes & had stormed out from behind the counter, rushed over & grabbed the tin off DD, with DD politely trying to protest that she was only checking the scent of it, she wanted to buy it & hadn't touched it. Girl then held tin up to the light to check for finger marks - in front of a shop full of people, which embarrassed DD & she didn't buy it because of the way she was treat.

In DDs words "she presumed because I'm sat here, I'm an idiot & don't know how to behave" I think it was even more embarrassing for DD because it was a young girl who did this.

I didn't say any more as DD is struggling with anything that draws attention to her at the moment & we just left, but it's still bothering me

AIBU ??

You don't open things in shops!

You just dont

My life is made so difficult at work due to this kind of thing.

Blimey. Do people on here really never open something to see what it smells like before buying?! Obviously I don't if it's sealed, but shower gels? Bubble baths? Body lotions? Where the most important thing is the smell? Seriously, no one else ever pops the cap to have a quick sniff?!

If the shop don't provide testers, what do they expect? To a 13 year old girl, the smell of the lip balm is the most important thing. The shop was BU not to provide testers if they're that angsty about people wanting to make sure their lips aren't going to smell/taste disgusting.

3cheekylittlemonkeys, it's just a small point but people don't always have to actually mention the fact that you're in a wheelchair when they are discriminating.

I've said I think op is BU already but I think a lot of people who don't live with the constant insinuations and life being harder in general, don't really get how wearing it can be. It's a surprise to find out people do actuslly act like the cliche of does she take sugar. In a restaurant once when we were waiting to be seated, the waiter said to DH "does she want a chair or prefer to stay in the wheelchair" does she

They probably did provide testers, it could have been misplaced or even stolen. That's really common, finding a product in the wrong place. It doesn't mean that they haven't provided it. The op said her dd knew about testers, so she still went ahead.

RockinHippy I am sorry your dd is upset. the sales assistant was rude. But I do not think it was about your dd being in a wheel chair at all.

In your shoes, if it bothers you so much, I would stop by and give a comment or send a note. Either that or let it go, decide now and move on.

But really, I think it was an over zealous shop assistant and nothing more.

(Plus I think lip balms should be sealed!)

I always wonder whether the "tamper" people buy stuff from delis and from pick and mix stalls. Or fresh bread that's unwrapped. Or potatoes loose from the rack. Or a cake from the school fair.
There are plenty of things that we buy that could have been tampered with. Unless you aim for a life in shrink wrap, you just accept the risks - there but fairly minor.

Thanks everyone - this was very useful & those of you who picked up on it ARE right - I am pretty shocked & generally getting really fed up at how DD is suddenly invisible or even at times perceived brainless, simply because she can't walk at the moment. So I do admit to being sensitive to it - hence why I asked

We've even had it from friends with similar age kids, it's almost like DD is a toddler again & they don't engage with her at all or talk about her as if she isn't there, even though they would sit & chat with her normally - like the one I bumped into in the street yesterday, who has known DD since she was born, has a DD 4 yrs older, stopped to speak to me & didn't even nod to DD, let alone talk to her.

Thank you NKfell & Seamstress I'm loving those replies - like yourselves & Purples DD does need to cultivate a few responses like this as I'm realising being invisible is par for the course - we've had cafe/restaurant staff do similar too

I hadn't thought of it as discrimination, but I suppose thinking on it, after reading the replies here, it is really, though I certainly wasn't planning on complaining by shouting disability discrimination - more that the girls tone was wrong & she handled it very badly & really embarrassed DD, who struggles to go out because she already feels so embarrassed by the situation.

& to clarify - I DID tell DD she shouldn't have opened it, I would have stopped her had I been next to her, though she did make a good point in that she wanted to buy it, there was no tester & no seal on it - she also said she was checking for finger prints as she didn't want to buy a used one as there was no seal on the tin.

Also, I don't actually know if the staff girl realised I was with DD, I'm not sure if it was more of a FFS out loud to everyone statement when she exclaimed "she shouldn't be using The lip balms" - I would have agreed with her straight away if she had said she shouldn't be opening them, as I do understand the hygiene implications - it was her bad attitude more than anything that bugged me & the fact that she really embarrassed DD

Thanks again

Blimey. Do people on here really never open something to see what it smells like before buying?! Obviously I don't if it's sealed, but shower gels? Bubble baths? Body lotions? Where the most important thing is the smell? Seriously, no one else ever pops the cap to have a quick sniff?!

That's why they usually have testers, and if they don't, then there's usually a label with a description of a smell. It's a smelly product, not a bloody party dress - you don't need to try before you buy . Most people know what they like in terms of general smells - I don't like banana or cherries for example. I'm not going to open a bottle up and go "oh yes, that certainly coconut, I like that it doesn't smell like vanilla".

Shops might run out of testers, but usually it's an outside company that brings them in - you can't just use a bottle that's for sale as a new tester, you have to wait for the company's stockist to come in and replace it for you. It's a bloody faff, but doesn't give anyone the right to decided to open things themselves. You don't open milk or bread just to make sure it's the right one, just because you can open a lid on a lotion, doesn't mean you should!

It's entitled views like that, that makes working in cosmetic aisles so difficult. Sprays are the worst, especially if teenagers have been around. Seeing a group of them walk away, knowing the collective smell of Lynx and Impulse is about to haunt your nose for the next hour, having to tidy the shevles in the midst of a bloody stinky teen mustard bomb... and then having their parents moan about you when you get annoyed about the selfish behaviour is just Coconut Infused Cherry on top of the cake .

You say the sales assistant looked very young, so perhaps she's just getting used to dealing with the public and hasn't got it right yet.

Isn't the point here that the comments were not aimed at the person opening the lip balms but the person with her, ergo, people in wheelchairs won't understand English?

YANBU, OP.

Blimey MrsGently, this a subject that gets on your wick a little?!

Don't think I've ever been called entitled for wanting to know what a deodorant will smell like before I commit to wearing it for weeks!

Personally I dont open products and have a sniff before I buy them. I doubt I am unusual.

OP I am sorry some people have been terrible when dealing with your dd and I can see how your dd may be quite sensitive to it. But, honestly, I really think this girl was just rude (maybe unsure in how to handle it and came over rude) and would have been just as rude if your dd was not in a wheelchair.

I remember when I was heavily pg with my fires child having to go to the hospital as I was losing blood and the MW kept talking to DH as though I wasn't there. Saying things like 'there is much we can do for her at the moment' and 'we will send her home and see how she goes'.

Tbh, I ended up having a go at her. After which I got an apology. It's not ok to treat people that way. I am sorry you and your dd are going through this.

Just a bit, Gwenci. As a customer I know you want your product. However, as I said, most have no consideration as to what they open in a cosmetic aisle, as they would any other shopping. I do feel that's entitled behaviour. What is it about that aisle that makes adults who should know better about opening items they haven't paid for, suddenly regress into overly inquisitive children? I can understand about expensive perfume, that's a different matter of course (hence why it's locked up, obviously). But a shower gel or deodrant? No need to mess around with it.

I think there's a difference between someone smelling conditioner or shower gel, and opening up a lip balm. The latter (obviously) goes on your lips/close to your mouth. A conditioner doesn't bring the same hygiene issues. I don't recall seeing testers for regular-old lip balms very often. It's not like buying a perfume.

I watched a woman old enough to know better open lots of eye shadows, eye shadows and other cosmetics in Boots one day.
I was amazed than no one challenged her and how few products were actually sealed. And there were samples available for most not that she bothered.
I now will only buy sealed items.

Mascara too

I used to work in a clothes store, I asked a teenager to not try on the earrings for hygiene purposes and her mother accused me of being racist (they were Asian).

No, I would have asked anybody to stop trying on earrings! Your skin colour makes no difference to how unhygienic it is!

I think you were being slightly over sensitive op, but can understand that if you are so used to people speaking to you over your dd.

YABU and rather chippy

Gosh, yes, complain.
Awful.

I think yabu.
I think she was right to stop her touching lip balms that weren't testers.

yabvu you cant open them if not a tester as they cant sell it afterwards. Surely your dd knows that. I doubt the shop assistant even saw the wheelchair she just saw someone opening something she shouldnt have. I wouldnt complain unless you want to pay for the item she opened. Yuk

11yo DD was treated like that in a shop. She's not got a visible disability.

And DD was using only testers and nothing but testers! She went onto spend £30 there, but they got very sniffy about how long she was trying without buying etc.