Been on a/d for some time on and off
Lots going on at mo, hubby unwell, court hearing coming up re his exemployers and I have work stresses of lots on, new manager covering maternity leave for my boss (who's new to role) plus generally feeling shitty and down and switching from worrying about EVERYTHING to just not caring feeling numb and uninterested. I pig out then hate myself for putting on weight. I Worry I'll cry at work or snap at someone over stupid things that drive me mad. I can't handle constructive criticism well generally but was so close to walking out of a meeting Monday as felt I was being told I was useless and I know it was just mind and I feel stupid when I write it down and think about it logically away from work
Went to doc who reviewed meds Tuesday and I've been off work since then sleeping and relaxing and trying to get in a better place eg I keep eating crap as don't care then feel shit and fat as gained weight and desperate trying to get myself to a better place and go for walks or runs and eat better but I still feel guilty for this
Going back to docs today and I am trying to decide if some time off work would help (as believe he may ask this as was asked when I felt this a few months back but pulled self through it) but already I feel guilty about people at work even though before manager went on mat leave I told her how I felt and she said that I am more important than work and if I need time out then so be it and that no offense but people will get on with things after first few days.
There are lots of people who look down on people off sick in my team so I always feel bad if I am off plus people don't look fondly on those off with stress or mh issues plus I'm worrying what to tell people at work, worrying that in am considering 'taking time off sick' as it 'doesn't work like that' plus my sis is having a birthday meal next week so if people see me having dinner I'll look like a fraud and then I'm already worrying about my sister's hen which is 1st October and I'm organising it and there will be pictures on Facebook of me having fun so what if I'm off then or only just back and they think I'm taking the p?
Been in my job 7 years and I give it my best but pressure means sometimes nothing feels good enough (work for local gov with lots of recent cuts)
Don't really have anyone to talk to as hubby suffering with anxiety and depression and don't want to make him worse. I'm worried about money but not entitled to any help due to salary just can't afford to do anything outside home or go away to try to feel better
What if I go for a run and people think I'm playing the system but I just want to feel better
I just want an outside view on this.i feel a bit of time out may help me get in a better place but then I feel bad if I am able to consider it so logically like that as maybe I should just get on with things
I feel a mess, what should I do?