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AIBU?

A homework argument already

150 replies

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 10/09/2015 22:09

Ds has started at big school now. Year 7. Bus trip, several villages away.

They get homework every night. Nothing new there...

But the maths teacher has set homework today. Due in tomorrow. And we have spent all evening at the school "parents q&a evening"

His after-school time went roughly...

4:00 bus arrives in our village
4:15 meets me and dd in park
4:30 has ice cream with a friend
5:00 in the car to go back to school
5:30 snack before meeting
6:00 sat in hall
7:30 driving home via chippy as nobody has eaten
8:15 home and he tells me he has homework
8:30 shower as he stinks
9:00 finally gets out of shower
9:30 packing PE kit etc for tomorrow.

I know he is a boy and takes forever to do things, but a poster. For tomorrow. On parents evening night?

We all had to go and sit in the parents eve thing. As it explained how school works. It's website. Sickness procedures. Streaming. Etc...

Both me and ds need to know all this stuff, apparently.

OP posts:

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WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 11/09/2015 07:25

Buttercup, if I had known he had homework for today, I would have suggested that to him! He is absolutely shattered, taking an age to do every small job. I am sure it will get easier over the next few weeks.
He should have had a shower on the previous evening... He should hav used deodorant and not needed a shower, his PE kit was already packed from Wednesday, but still took ages to sort (as he was messing around as he is tired)
And I assumed (I know...) any homework could be done over the weekend while we are waiting for a furniture delivery.

OP posts:

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saoirse31 · 11/09/2015 07:27

Why didn't he do it after shower and pe ? I really don't see your problem.

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Penfold007 · 11/09/2015 07:34

I found asking what (not if or do you) homework do you have as soon as DC was home helped. As they get older I found I didn't have to ask so often. Him staying and doing it in the library until you got there is an excellent tip.

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ollieplimsoles · 11/09/2015 07:51

Whole thing sounds like a bullshit waste of time.

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MischiefInTheWind · 11/09/2015 07:52

For the first few weeks, you may have to pamper him a bit more than usual, then stop when he's not so shattered with all the new inputs, teachers, routines etc. That means you doing things he should be doing independently during his transition phase and then stopping.
For example, a shower takes 10 minutes.
He packs his kit as soon as it's available to him after laundry, then it stays in a set place until he needs it.
You will also need to be more organised, there's a lot of slack time and multitasking possible, and setting up routines helps to defuse arguments and help him remember what happens when. Saves having to think when you are shattered, both of you.

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Iamnotloobrushphobic · 11/09/2015 08:10

It's early days and there will be teething problems whilst he gets used to the new routine but it is part of your job as a parent to insist that homework is a priority and should, where possible, be done ASAP.
You say that he didn't tell you about the homework until 8.15, did you not ask him if he had homework? It's the first question I always ask when I see my child after school, the second question being when is it due in. Whilst I do expect him to take responsibility for his own homework I remember what I was like as a lazy senior school child and I don't want to be as blas?? as my own mum was about these things.

The time spent meeting with a friend for ice cream could have been used to do the homework.

I am also a bit baffled about why you say he shouldn't have needed a shower as he should have had one the day before and used deodorant. Boys of this age need a daily shower even with deodorant use, especially if they have done PE or games. It won't be long before he really becomes a sweaty, smelly teenager so it's a good idea to get him used to daily showering now so it becomes part of his routine. And a shower should only take 5 minutes rather than 30 minutes.

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ShinesLikeGold · 11/09/2015 08:16

Too much snacking (is he overweight which is maybe contributing to the BO?)

Too much faffing around - he would have had plenty of time to do it if he'd got his act together.

Teenagers need daily showers. But not for 30-45 minutes!

I think your whole system needs to be looked at and overhauled.

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MischiefInTheWind · 11/09/2015 08:23

OP, the responses may all sound a bit harsh, but once you have a system up and running, it makes life a lot easier!
By the end of September, he shoud be less exhausted and more independent. And it's usually a lot easier with subsequent children!
Just like when he hit reception a few years ago.

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Lalsy · 11/09/2015 08:31

OP, I have older dc, one at university, one starting sixth form, both hard-working and independent. They needed lots of help getting in the swing of it in year 7. Don't worry. Can he stay in the library to do homework if there is an evening meeting in future, to save travelling time, once he is a bit more familiar with the school? And could you make a habit of asking him when he will do his hw if there is an evening event? It will all become routine after a while but he will he very tired and forget things at first. I would have taken him for an ice cream and a break too - he is a little boy facing a long and tiring day (and I was VERY strict on the homework front ).

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WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 11/09/2015 10:09

Thanks. I know he needs to get his backside in to gear. I have been on at him for months!
But he is almost a teen, so he knows best!

It's only 3 of us, me ds and the toddler.

I usually give him half an hour after school to unwind with snack/drink run around in park, whatever.

Then he gets asked about homework. I help him get started. Read his spellings if needed, then he gets on with it.

But yesterday, dd had banged her head at nursery. She had a late nap. Then we got the text about the school meeting. Yes parents and y7 were to attend so we all know the rules.

The Icecream was from the Icecream van. It was nice to meet up with old friends for 10 minutes and chat over ices.

I think I will have to resort to setting his alarm for 5 minute intervals while he showers again!
5 minutes hair wash.
5 minutes body wash.
5 minutes rinse...

And hope we get in a routine soon.

I just wish he would stop messing around!

Please tell me the messing stops? One day?

OP posts:

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TheRealAmyLee · 11/09/2015 10:15

Yep you will just have to budge him along and annoy him as he showers. I put my dd in shower, sit on my bed next door then shout through the door at 5 mins to tell her to hurry up then at 10 to tell her to get out.

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Seeline · 11/09/2015 10:20

Feel for you! I have a nearly 14 yo Y9 son - and the messing around still hasn't stopped. 30 mins in the shower is quite normal, and if I'm lucky he might have washed during that time I too am hoping it stops at some point.
I also have a shattered (normally organised) Y7 DD who after a week is nearly out on her feet, and s needing a lot more helping than normal.
I know hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I think I would have assumed that some homework would have been given, and got DS to stay at school in the library and I would meet him for the meeting later, rather than have him worn out by extra journeys etc.
I am afraid I would take the tough line now though - he new he had homework, he hasn't done it, he needs to face the consequences. He'll learn.
Hoping things improve for all of us Y7 starters

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MidniteScribbler · 11/09/2015 10:32

Good grief, he doesn't need multiple alarms for five minute intervals in a shower. It should take five minutes, tops. Just turn the hot water off at five minutes. He'll soon learn.

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Baconyum · 11/09/2015 10:37

Did the school only tell you about the parents eve that day?

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Baconyum · 11/09/2015 10:38

I also do "what homework have you got today?" Rather than "do you have homework?" And the rule is it gets done the day it's set unless it's a Fri and then dd has until sat eve to do it.

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BertrandRussell · 11/09/2015 10:44

So you only got a couple of hours notice for a parents' evening? That's outrageous!

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Egosumquisum · 11/09/2015 10:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lalsy · 11/09/2015 10:48

OP, don't beat yourself up, honestly. It was a difficult, long day for you all and the school should have given you more notice. Some children do faff. My dd has a gold medal in faff - it was her way of unwinding. I wouldn't set alarms just yet - I doubt he could have produced much sensible at that time of night anyway. If he usually does his homework soon after getting in, then that is a sensible routine that he can build on.

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Rainuntilseptember15 · 11/09/2015 10:58

Texts I get from school are reminders about events, not the first time they've told us.

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IdBuyThatForADollar · 11/09/2015 11:02

Too much snacking (is he overweight which is maybe contributing to the BO?)

Well, this is delightful.

I sympathise OP. I have a faffer, albeit a slightly younger one that yours.

We struggle with homework as she doesn't finish school until 4 or 5 depending on the day. She is an exceptionally slow eater (which I've been trying to improve her whole life, but as yet haven't found a solution). Plus she has two non-school evening activities a week and family commitments on 2 of the days. She also needs to be prodded and poked to do homework. And she needs plenty of sleep in order not be a complete pest.

Drives me crazy, as she gets almost no down time which I think all kids need. I think her school have had feedback about homework this year (at one point last year she was spending well over an hour on it some evenings) as she's full of the news that she is to spend no more than 30 minutes on one piece of homework a night. We still struggle though.

I think it's quite sad that the responses have been so hard on this thread. I know things need to get done, but I do feel a bit sorry for the (still wee) 11 year old who can't have an ice cream with his old friends because he's got to learn that he's on the hamster wheel now.

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MirandaWest · 11/09/2015 11:07

I have a year 7 DS. He is skinny. He also smells a bit sometimes as he is entering puberty. I don't think too many snacks leads to BO.

We are lucky that he has so far had one piece of homework which was given yesterday and doesn't have to be given in until Tuesday. And we got 6 days notice for an evening event.

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Shiningdew · 11/09/2015 11:11

God, I hate homework.

What is the point of all this angst?

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00100001 · 11/09/2015 11:18

dollar "Drives me crazy, as she gets almost no down time which I think all kids need. "

well, stop the one of the two evening activities???

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teacherwith2kids · 11/09/2015 11:20

At DC's school, all homework for the first term in Y7is for the following day, as it instils the message that homework should be started on the day you get it...

DD had up 15 hours per week of dance that term, due to getting ready for a show. The nights she had 3 hours of dance, she just had to fit homework in - and self-driven, because I was never at home when she came in. She missed handing in one homework, once, and that was the night she went straight to the theatre from school for the dress rehearsal, and it was an art homework that required something slightly messy she couldn't do backstage in her costumes. She explained that herself to the relevant teacher, both when the homework was set and when it was collected in, and delivered the late homework to the teacher's office the following day - that is her responsibility.

Don't dig your child out of the hole they have created, or take responsibility for timekeeping or anything else. It is his homework, and he gets into trouble if he doesn't do it. It is your responsibility to make certain he has the space and equipment he needs, and if your child is lucky enough that you are at home, your help is available if they ask. For DS, who is less organised than his sister, I helped him to negotiate a timetable for each evening that had some time for homework in it (he's a sport 3x a week music group 3x a week kind of child - not as busy as DD, but still out every night). But it was his responsibility to do it.

And I absolutely supported the school if they meted out a punishment.

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redskybynight · 11/09/2015 11:20

On the basis that this won't be the first time that such a scenario arises, you (or he) need to work out what the plan is when it does.

The thing that jumped out of your timetable was that a lot of time was spent travelling to and from school - on the basis he had to get back to school for 5.30, might it have been better for him just to have stayed at school?

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