im know im in the wrong

[mydshines]

i just like posted this tonight. and i name changed for this.
i recently went back to do an course for like access skills its 9 month course and im week 15 now.

it was grand at the beginning it was my first foray into meeting new people ever since my ds was born a couple of years ago.
everyone got on great. and i looked forward to being there.
Since then a lot of people that i liked have since left the course through various reasons so its now a small class
i had a hard week with little sleep. Thanks to ds high temps and earache. Stressful week we have our accounts exams coming up and im trying to do so much as im the only with young kid at the course. and of course added with the usual, money, dp, and life. and my periods are out of whack

i know there is no excuse for my behaviour and i fully admit that.
the tutor left early this week and the end of day we all like to have a banter share a joke or what have you.

me and my sorto friends were talking and i mentioned that i need a slave and she said you need a sex slave in class.
oh i said oh not my dp lol oh john can have the job. This is in reference to a fella called john who in his 60s who often enjoy and start a banter i meant as a tongue in cheek. and honestly he came off the top of my mind.
well he went bring red and walked out of the class and i was horrified

and Im immediatley ran after him to apolgise. He didnt want to hear it. So i dragged myself in today and i had to past his desk and i said sorry twice. and in little break we all usually sit together and he came over and i expressed my apologies, saying i regret what i said, didnt mean it, i didnt mean to offend you in a way,

i didnt intentionale set out to hurt you and just said im sorry for about 6 mins and he replied ' that i like to draw a crowd and act the joker, and other stuff and i just said nothing and that this is a second time i said something he didnt like and he pulled up some things to me and i replied to him im sorry im sorry.

He told me that he could have slagged me back and if i did he come out on top and he harped on about what he didnt really like about me. Then the sorto of friend replied john you were right to say that. i was like what to myself like it was you that started the conversation. but i do accept that i was at fault.

anyway my phone rang and excused myself and i felt so shit. i was planning to meet some of them later on saturday. and i wont now not after today and i was so looking forward to. i could hear whispears all day about me in class and i feel so shit. tbh i dont think i could ever utter more than a hello to him in class. But do my best to avoid him in future i feel so shite

It was a bit immature, but clearly a joke. He didn't like it, but you have apologised, at the time and later after the event. I think that should count for something. It sounds as though it was just a throwaway remark, not meant to offend. I would leave him be for now. Try not to keep going over the incident or what was said, you don't need to feel horrible it will settle down

James Joyce, Ulysses, is what your writing reminds me of. Screw all that other crap and go and be a writer.

Also would you definitely not go and meet them at the weekend? It might help you form a better relationship with them / some of them. Maybe think about it, could help.

I can see why he's upset, I would be too if someone said something like that about me. It was a joke, yes, but it was a joke at his expense.

It's good that you've apologised, but if he doesn't want to forgive you then that's his prerogative. He doesn't owe you forgiveness just because you're sorry.

I think the best thing you can do now is think of this as a learning experience. Learn not to make inappropriate comments in class, and learn not to hurt other people's feelings in the name of banter.

Now you know how people see you. If this type of comment had been out of character for you, I doubt your class mates would have been whispering about you behind your back. What you saw as banter with 'John' seems like anything but, and until now he has been merely polite to you.

It's time to reassess how you come across and to reign in your behaviour.

Cheezy

What is a sorto friend? Can I get one?

How we all wish we could turn the clock back at times. You took it too far, he took offence and the person you had been joking with backpedalled so you were left high and dry. Lesson learned.

You were quick off the mark to apologise and that was the right thing to do. Yes that could have been the end of it but he felt you deserved to hear some home truths.

I didn't get the impression that there is 'constant disruptive behaviour'. I assume the lecture was instead of reporting you but if he now makes a complaint it's a bridge you'll have to cross.

Whispering about you should have stopped by the next time you go in, just get your head down and study.

many thanks for the advice, constructive criticism and for the fact i wasnt mauled at. To the poster omg, please dont have that death on your mind you didnt nothing wrong.

well im just home now. He kinda blanked during yesterday afternoon i was asking one of the girls to check on answers and she asked in relation to me to him (i wasnt going to open my mouth.) and literally gave me a glare. my friend just called out whats your answer for? and she had her back to him

oh i said oh i know where i went wrong and thanks.
This morning we had a exam and i arrived much early and i could see his car there and i stayed in the canteen until it was nearly time to go in. He said hello to me during little break and i kind of replied and when i looked he was gone but hey ho.

yes im deeply ashamed of my actions. Today was a bit cool during the day. and i was so glad to be off until monday.

we normally do get on albeit talk about life, politics, you name it . and i often to go up to his desk. because of the people have left he has a spare chair and he sits in the back next to the photocopier, folders, printer and i always try and make an effort with people generally.
i often said to him do the things you want to today and not be put off by tomorrow and blah and i know he likes that about me,
we often had the banter too and i could be at the receiving end . we are usually and class of 14 about 8 ppl left.
for the sake of the classroom i dont want to appear ignorant or like that to him but honestly i dont think i ever want to go up to his desk and ask how are you coping? as a whole the class is very good in helping each other if were our stuck. i really just want a hello or how are you to him from now on im even afraid to say that.
i not even saying that i didnt deserved his reaction but i just felt like a bird with a broken wing, im not sure really why? tbh was it the way he spoked to me or the actual conversation or my ability to decided on how bad i was to him.

i just scarped off after class. i am extremely grateful. I dont think he will take it any futher and of course he is perfectly he is in right to do so. I just panicked as the end of day i do want a job at the end of the course.

thanks to the poster you really gave me food for thought and i thought about it some more and i honestly don't think he actually accepted my apology he said to me: i could have really slagged you but i didnt want to go down the road and i would have come out on top and you wouldn't like that? and i went no your right i wouldn't. The conversation ended it quite quickly
but im not thinking like he should have accepted my apology but i dont think he did. and i agree if that friend didnt mentioned the word none of this would have come to light but according to someone in the class i brought him to the conversation.
and i have a big lesson learned from now on my mouth is shut.

Mydishines, do not have your mouth shut. Keep talking, is my advice.
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