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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just sit home alone if my 30th ( not pleasant reading)

26 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 10/09/2015 21:01

background

13th my uncle died on my birthday

16th my grandfather died a few days before

18th my sister a week before got raped

21st I had a newborn

I planned my own party for my birthday as its in December I had to book months ago.

Now there is a family feud and nobody is talking to each other.

What do I do.

OP posts:
Fizzielove · 10/09/2015 21:03

Flowers couldn't read an run!

HoneyDragon · 10/09/2015 21:04

What do you do?

Whatever you damn well please, it's your birthday!

Some of previous birthdays have shown you can't control what happens to others or there choices.

So do something you want? What do you fancy?

iPaid · 10/09/2015 21:05

Cancel the party booking. Go out for a meal with friend/s for your birthday.

SlowlyGoingINSAINIA · 10/09/2015 21:06

Book into a nice hotel with spa e

Chillyegg · 10/09/2015 21:06

Book into a lovely hotel treat your self to a lovely meal and spa treatments.

twirlypoo · 10/09/2015 21:07

^^ what honey says, but I didn't want to read and run either....

If it makes you feel any better, I had a series of disastrous birthdays (including one where I got stood up and a load of mumsnetters offered to come and meet me instead) and so now I just do what I want. Last year I went to a posho hotel and drank fizz from 10am whilst ordering room service and lounging in the bath a lot. I really recommend it!

katienana · 10/09/2015 21:08

I went to a spa for my 30th it was amazing! I got a lovely facial so I only looked 21 as well

travailtotravel · 10/09/2015 21:17

Oh god. That sucks. Cancel the party. The money is much better spent on you. Can you have a series of dinners with friends instead? Or loving the idea of booking into a hotel for a whole day and a good sleep. How fab.

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 10/09/2015 21:23

I really don't know what to do.

Why is it so difficult.

You would think after the year I have had:- failed suicide attempt , early menopause, Dx of arthritis as well.

I think I'm not supposed to be happy

OP posts:
notquitehuman · 10/09/2015 21:23

If your family can't play nice for your special day, then they don't deserve you spending money on them. Consider spending the money on a nice night out with a few friends, or some lovely treats. Your 30th doesn't have to be a big blowout.

londonrach · 10/09/2015 21:24

Hugs op. Ive had a really bad birthday like you when i lost a family member (my gran) on my birthday several years ago and it cast a shadow over the years that followed. However my last birthday was amazing. Do what you want to its your birthday. Treat yourself to whatever you want, see friends, take yourself somewhere..be it a spa, a posh bed and breakfast or just stay in. Happy birthday xxx

EngTech · 10/09/2015 21:24

Its YOUR day so do what YOU want to do :)

CarpetBagger · 10/09/2015 21:25

Op in your situation, or rather circs...I would simply not rely on anyone else to do anything and plan something nice for myself only reliant on myself.

ie a nice meal or food I have never tried, I have never had proper caviar, so maybe get some or order some etc....or really special bottle of fixx etc

mrstweefromtweesville · 10/09/2015 21:27

Go abroad. Without them.

mileend2bermondsey · 11/09/2015 08:58

I don't really see how your sister getting raped, or your grandfather dying are in the same category as having a newborn child Confused

GloopyGhoul · 11/09/2015 09:05

Helpful, Mileend, really helpful.

Perhaps OP simply means that the focus of her birthday has always been external stresses?

Dowser · 11/09/2015 09:19

30 is just a number. It doesn't define you nor does it mean you have to tie yourself up in knots squeezing as much pleasure as possible out of being 30.

I'm sure these big birthdays are just for card manufacturers to sell more cards./ presents tat and crap.

My 30 th was spent recovering from pneumonia. After two weeks in hospital and being dreadfully ill, let's just say I was happy to be alive and pleased that somehow my 5, 3 and 1 year old had survived too without me.

You are dwelling on the past sweetheart and you've had some awful times that have sadly co insided with your birthday that we all feel should be happy times. Why? Because life in the western world works that way.

Life isn't like that. You know that all too well.

I suggest that you get a piece of paper and write down ' how I'd like to spend my birthday' and the other side of the page write ' who would I like to spend it with'

Then see how you can achieve that. You might surprise yourself. A big party might not be want you want. You might prefer lots of little activities with different groups of people spread out over the week.

You may still be feeling a lot of grief and sadness related to what happened in the past. Cruse bereavement care are very good with helping with that. Give them a call if you think you might like to talk to them about some of the issues you mentioned.

ohtheholidays · 11/09/2015 09:23

I love twirlypoos suggestion,may do that next year for mine and DH's birthdays. Smile

nonetcurtains · 11/09/2015 09:33

well, think of it this way - you're approaching your 30th birthday, and from your op, four of them have coincided with big life events, which means the other 25 were 'normal' birthdays. Concentrate on those.

bushtailadventures · 11/09/2015 09:44

Fuck 'em all, go out and get pissed on your own..or, more moderately, Sod 'em all, go out and buy yourself something nice and expensive that you've always wanted Grin

Speaking personally, no-one ever makes a thing of my birthday so I've learnt to treat myself and do just what I want for the day. Not perfect, but better than me getting upset every year

diddl · 11/09/2015 09:47

Afternoon tea somewhere nice?

anothernumberone · 11/09/2015 09:57

You are supposed to be happy but the old adage is true you cannot rely on others to make you happy.

I think I would stick to something small and definite because with a family fued it could excalate with booze at a party.

As an aside I don't think you should be linking your sister's rape to your birthday, it did not happen at your birthday but obviously of course impacted it at the time and the newborn was a positive thing wasn't it ? So maybe you can look at it as a birthday turning point. I think when we are depressed we tend to look at even positives from a negative perspective as is the nature of the condition.

Obviously from what you have written you are having an awful time of it so I think you should mark your birthday extra specially with something guaranteed to make you happy. I love some of the suggestions above.

Flowers happy birthday

WorktoLive · 11/09/2015 09:58

don't feel obliged to have a big party or make a big thing about being 30. Age is just a number.

But it sounds like you need to do something nice just for you. What is the current situation with DCs, partner etc?

Can you do a hotel spa break?

Arrive at hotel in time for afternoon tea and a spa session. Order room service if you feel like it and lounge in bed reading or watching TV in peace. Lots of lovely sleep then wake up for hotel breakfast then more time in the spa followed by a late check out? On your own or with your partner or a friend depending on what you prefer.

beenawhile · 11/09/2015 11:56

Decide what you want to do and to hell with everyone else Flowers

ZebraLovesKnitting · 12/09/2015 09:05

I turn 30 in December too (15th). My past birthdays I haven't really done much for. DH's birthday is the day before mine, so we usually just go out together for dinner & drinks on the evening of his birthday, so that it spills over into mine. Although for DH's 30th (& so my 23rd) we went away for a few days. Not a chance of that happening for me, we have 2 DC now and no money!

This year's been shit for me too - failed suicide attempts too & months as an inpatient at a mental health unit.

Various people have asked me what I'm doing for my 30th - it seems that people expect you to make a big deal about it & do something "special". I've been ignoring my birthday so far, and will probably continue to do so!

30 will be better than 29 though, I have to believe that.