Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go out until 2am at 20 weeks pregnant?

44 replies

Sweetcharlotterose · 10/09/2015 17:42

Nearly 20 weeks now, it's been a difficult pregnancy and I'm still being sick. I'm already high risk due to previously existing medical conditions and a further complication has been discovered. I don't wish to moan but I'm shattered all the time and am infinitely more sick when tired, I've returned to work this week after the holidays and I've struggled a bit.

Dh's friend has a birthday this weekend. We see these friends maybe once every six months, they drink A LOT. I don't drink even under normal circumstances and although it's dull going out with people who get so drunk they can barely speak by 11pm I usually live with it as we don't go that often and they're dh's oldest friends. I also usually end up taking at least two or three of them home afterwards.

This time I just don't want to go. I'm too tired. I don't want to have to drive over (about 40 mins) and then sit there feeling sick and tired until 2 o'clock in the morning. I've said to dh to go and either pay for a taxi or stop with one of his friends for the night. He wouldn't be the only solo person going. But he says if I don't go he won't go. Probably because he wants a lift. It's pointless saying I'll go if we can come home about midnight as once dh starts drinking with his friends he can't stop.

Aibu to not want to go? Dh thinks so and is in a sulk about it.

OP posts:
TenForward82 · 10/09/2015 18:45

Please tell us he's normally nice, OP. I don't think I can take another dripfeed thread about a one off issue that turns into a list of habitual assholery :(

Bogeyface · 10/09/2015 18:54

I completely agree that he shouldnt be acting like this. However I am being generous and assuming that he is just being clueless about the effects of pregnancy (and he wouldnt be the first, my sister was very unsympathetic when I was pg and thought I was playing on it).

If he is still being like this after the baby is there, then they have a big problem.

RubyReins · 10/09/2015 18:54

Definitely not BU. I am 19 weeks and still throwing up round the clock. I am expected to go to a dinner tomorrow night (with people who will expect me to split the booze bill...) I have honestly never felt so ill and managing a full on job, a clingy 5 year old, an absent DH (he works away) the house etc is tipping me over the edge. Tell your H to wind his neck in and to try and understand your position. Don't pander to his childish sulking.

TitusAndromedon · 10/09/2015 18:55

You are totally not being unreasonable. I'm 27 weeks, but at any point in my pregnancy, if I told my husband I wasn't up for something, or would need to cut something short, he would be completely understanding and accommodating. He might ask if I minded if he went or stayed out later than me, but he absolutely wouldn't sulk or punish me for my physical limitations.

Generally speaking, is he a pretty self-centred person? Because, obviously, that might become more of an issue in the near future.

I'm sorry you're feeling so rough. Flowers

Skiptonlass · 10/09/2015 18:58

I cannot abide sulking.

Fair enough to train children out of it, but a grown man? Ffs, you really shouldn't have to, should you?

You're pregnant, knackered and unwell. Stay home and rest. He can still go and he can get a bloody cab or stay over at a mates place. Do NOT give in to sulking!

Then he needs a smart kick up the bum to truly understand AND empathise with what you're going through. I understand that guys can't ever truly understand the pregnancy experience, but as sentient beings they should be able to observe, see the impact upon you and act accordingly.

specialsubject · 10/09/2015 18:59

sounds like the evening out from hell at the best of times - who wants to associate with boring swillers?

also sounds like you have bigger problems. I hope I'm wrong.

ShebaShimmyShake · 10/09/2015 19:08

Why can't he just take a taxi or crash at someone else's for the night? Of course you don't have to go. And I second Bogeyface in not giving in to his sulks. You don't need to be looking after two babies in another 20 weeks.

YellowDinosaur · 10/09/2015 19:14

In your shoes I wouldn't go when not pregnant for the privilege of socialising with drunken dribbling idiots who aren't your friends and be expected to act as their unpaid taxi. Fuck. That. And I like drinking and would be more likely to be them than you.

When pregnant? Absolutely no fucking way.

lilyb84 · 10/09/2015 19:34

YANBU. As a pp said, can you talk to him and explain just how bad you're feeling?

My DH has been expecting similar things of me (with slightly less sulking) which I've mostly put up with until now (21 weeks). Had a bit of a row at the weekend when I had a go at him for not being interested in how I feel right now - emotionally or physically - and he admitted he's just assumed I'm okay because I've always been so independent and able to get on with stuff. Sometimes it's not as obvious as you think when you're struggling!

Definitely put your foot down about this but see if you can have a calm conversation about how you're feeling.

Hope you feel better soon and that he becomes more understanding!

Finola1step · 10/09/2015 19:39

If it is Saturday night, simply say "It is still up to you if you want to go. Taxi and crash over, no problem. But if you are stopping in, that's cool too. I will be catching up with Strictly and the X Factor then having a bath and an early night. Let me know what you decide".

Summerisle1 · 10/09/2015 19:49

He needs telling that this isn't going to happen. He can go out and see his mates, he can get a cab home or even stay over. But you aren't going because you aren't well enough and that's non-negotiable so no amount of sulking will make the slightest difference. This is not a situation where delicate mediation is worth a light.

WalfordEast · 10/09/2015 19:52

I think you need to sit your DH down and tell him how your lives are going to change. Because he's clearly not getting it.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 10/09/2015 19:52

No I dont want to go out past about 10pm at the moment, and tbh rarely wanted to when not pregnant

contractor6 · 11/09/2015 07:14

Tell him to stay with friends, you dont want stinky boozy DH waking you at 2am. Not going is a no brainer imo

tobysmum77 · 11/09/2015 08:01

Yanbu but ywouldbvvu to relent.

Just let him sulk seriously dragging a pregnant woman who feels like shit out as an unpaid taxi service Hmm he sounds charming.

BathtimeFunkster · 11/09/2015 08:09

However I am being generous and assuming that he is just being clueless about the effects of pregnancy.

Even if she wasn't pregnant, sulking to browbeat her into being everyone's taxi driver against her will would still be shitty behaviour.

You need to stop giving in to toddler tantrums, OP.

You're going to have a real baby to look after soon.

Spartans · 11/09/2015 08:17

Yanbu. Especially since you are quite happy for him to go.

he is sulking because he expected you to be happy being a taxi driver which makes him a dick, in this situation.

Hellocampers · 11/09/2015 08:24

Blimey a sulky man child op. He needs to grow up and shoulder his responsibilities.

Of course don't go. And if he can't go alone so be it.

WhatTheJeffHasGoneOnHere · 11/09/2015 08:30

Does he always sulk if he doesn't get his own way? Tell him to grow the fuck up.

If you always come round eventually he'll think you will this time too, so don't cave. Yanbu, your dh is being a dick.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page