Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think there's nothing wrong in "culling" friends if they're arseholes?

10 replies

User543212345 · 10/09/2015 15:36

The thread about emotionally abusive parents has got me thinking about this today. I'm not very good at picking friends, in fact I'm really crap at it. I tend to pick ones who treat me as I've been conditioned to expect and basically take the piss out of me/ride roughshod over my feelings and my wants/are really quite nasty. I'm in intensive therapy at the moment as my general anxiety/depression has now manifested as an eating disorder and given that they have the highest mortality rate of all mental health issues I'm being well looked after.

Anyway, I heard from a friend recently that another friend asked how much he saw of me and DH - he said a fair bit and she allegedly asked why he thought they'd survived "all they culls" in the decade I've known them. I'm quite upset by this comment, as I don't randomly "cull" people from my life.

I have been quite ruthless of late, what with the therapy, of focussing on my dearest friends and letting other relationships slip a bit, along with removing any very negative influences on me, and I've cut the dreaded Facebook right back to only have actual friends I'd see/have conversations with on it rather than the thousands of acquaintances others seem to use it for.

Also, over the decade I've known these guys I moved cities and friendships (which weren't close) from where I used to live drifted though some cemented and had a couple of bust ups whereby I got to the end of my tether of one girl using me as a cash cow and another using me as a cat scratching post. I've also cut a group of non-mutual friends out completely after one of them showed me some emails going between all of them bitching about me.

AIBU to be a bit upset at this comment? I'm trying to develop some self-esteem/respect at present and none of the people I've removed myself from seeing were helping in that respect, so therefore they weren't really friends.

OP posts:
Sodder · 10/09/2015 15:39

YANBU. Therapy's working then. Smile

People who bitch about you aren't real friends.

StormCoat · 10/09/2015 15:41

I would say your 'culls' were an excellent sign of improved self-esteem and an instinct for what to keep away from. Keep it up!

mollie123 · 10/09/2015 15:42

a 'FB friend' is not a 'real' friend - real friends stick around and you are lucky if you can count them of the fingers of both hands Smile

DoJo · 10/09/2015 15:51

Hopefully your friend said 'because I don't bitch about Sweary behind her back, and am self aware enough to know whether I am a good friend to her or not' and left it at that! If someone thinks they have been 'culled' then they can get in touch to ask why and make amends for anything that has caused a rift in the relationship or they can moan to third parties about the person who has culled them. The former shows that there might be a chance to salvage the relationship, the latter shows that the cull was well-placed.

TheMotherOfHellbeasts · 10/09/2015 15:51

Nope, nothing wrong at all in culling people from your life, be they friends or family. Everyone has a right to happiness, if there are people in your life who trespass on that right, get rid of them.

TheCatsMother99 · 10/09/2015 16:27

I genuinely think that part of growing up and becoming an adult is learning who are your real friends and who aren't. Who you want to spend your time with and who you don't.

I've had many a friendship 'cull' over the years for various reasons and during the past couple of years I had a pretty major friendship cull as something switched in me and I didn't want to be around a group of 'friends' who just bitch about each other and anyone they come in to contact with because, well durrrr, if they're bitching about each other to me then they're also bitching about me and I wasn't going to stand for them picking on other friends slightly outside the circle any more... that level if bitchiness is just not normal.

But that's life. You do naturally grow out of friendships and realise who you want to have around you. If that's called 'culling' then so be it.

Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for surrounding yourself with the people you want to be with at that time in your life.

popcornpaws · 10/09/2015 16:32

Don't be a bit upset at that comment, congratulate yourself on moving forward to a better place and leaving all that shit behind!

Live your life and be happy, you don't need that negativity, no one does.

Theycallmemellowjello · 10/09/2015 16:36

Yabu to be upset - according to you you have been doing exactly what the person suggested you had been doing. I don't think you've done anything wrong, but if you drop friends then of course they and potentially others may notice and comment on it. Also I've heard people refer to mass deleting if contacts on Facebook as culling, so of you've got rid of a lot of friends on that the person may be referring to that in particular.

DoreenLethal · 10/09/2015 16:40

I'd be cock a hoop that they had noticed.

User543212345 · 10/09/2015 17:52

Glad it doesn't make me even more dysfunctional. I guess I was upset as it made it sound indiscriminate and like I was behaving badly rather than making some painful decisions in what is best for me and my family.

Onwards and ever upwards!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page