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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not get what the big deal is about graduation ceremonies?

31 replies

tectonicplates · 10/09/2015 11:54

For the past few years I've been studying for a part-time degree as an adult student. I'm glad I did well, but I'm not a showy person and I just feel like I'd be poncing around in a silly cloak. A couple of my uni friends are quite taken aback by this, and at least one person seems downright offended by me not being interested in going. What's the point?

OP posts:

MissBattleaxe · 10/09/2015 11:59

It's a shame you feel that way, but you've achieved a degree at the end of lots of hard work and it might be nice to have a photo to remember the day. If you don't want to though, it's entirely your choice, but others are not "poncing".

It was a big deal for me and I know my parents wouldn't have missed it for the whole world and have still got my graduation photo up.

IdBuyThatForADollar · 10/09/2015 12:00

Aww. I went to mine with my mum and my DP. I'd never really bothered celebrating my few achievements before, but it was a really nice day.

It took me 10 years (with a break to pop out a sprog) to do my degree and in the last (and busiest) 3 years of that I also brought up said sprog, left my abusive husband and dealt with a pesky cancer. Frankly, it was ok for me to have a moment where I was applauded onto a stage by 100s of people. It still makes me a bit teary now.

IdBuyThatForADollar · 10/09/2015 12:01

And if your institution is the same as mine, they do a really good job of making it inclusive and fun and surprisingly powerful.

JaniceJoplin · 10/09/2015 12:01

I didn't go to mine, I was on holiday. It didn't bother me at all, but then I wasn't that bothered about Uni. It never really met my expectations as a significant part of my life, I preferred working.

exexpat · 10/09/2015 12:04

It's entirely up to you - you still have the degree and know you did the work whether you do the ceremony or not.

I can't stand ceremonies and rituals, so didn't bother going to my university graduation (Cambridge, so kind of a big thing). My parents might have been a bit disappointed, but I was getting married the following month (registry office, so as simple and ceremonial-free as possible) and I reckoned that was enough fuss for one year.

ExitPursuedByABear · 10/09/2015 12:04

I went to mine with the gown etc but for some reason declined to have a proper photograph taken.

I really regret it now, all these years later.

KurriKurri · 10/09/2015 12:04

There is much point really - it is a simply a formal presentation ceremony.
Having said that - I didn't go to mine - mainly because I went to a university 400 miles away from home and it would have been hard for my parents to attend, and I don't think they were bothered about coming anyway.
However when my DD graduated I went to the ceremony and I felt so proud seeing her in her robes - she'd overcome a lot to get her degree - and I just loved the day.

So my feelings are a bit mixed, it's only something I would do if others especially wanted to see me do it, for myself I wouldn't bother. Others feel differently and want to celebrate their achievements formally and enjoy the ceremonial aspect - good for them - but it's an individual choice. The degree is the thing that really matters - congratulations on getting yours

FadedRed · 10/09/2015 12:07

If you don't want to go then don't go. But don't antagonise other people who do want to go by expecting them to see your point of view. To some people, for example those who had to struggle in some way to succeed, who are say the first in their family to get a degree or similar, it IS a big thing.
I went to two graduation ceremonies and enjoyed 'ponching around in a cloak' as you so charmingly put it . The other three I could have attended I chose not to, but wouldn't have dreamt that my reasons for not attending were of any interest to other people.
Don't understand why someone else would 'be offended' by your lack of interest though.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/09/2015 12:08

We went to ds1's graduation this summer, and it was an amazing day. He has worked really hard for the last three years to get a Law degree, and I felt that they day was a great way to celebrate that.

Of course we celebrated his achievements as a family - and could have done so perfectly well without a graduation ceremony - but the thing it also meant was that he could celebrate his achievements with his fellow graduates and friends, and with the Law faculty staff who had taught him so well.

It was a very special day, and I wouldn't have missed it for the world - but if it's not your thing, then that's fine too.

Original poster

tectonicplates · 10/09/2015 12:15

FadedRed - I haven't tried to persuade anyone else not to go. There were several people there who went through periods of severe illness and relationship breakups, so I feel their achievements are much more impressive than mine. I can definitely see that it's a huge thing for many people. But it's not a huge thing for me and I feel a bit silly.

OP posts:

TwmSionCati · 10/09/2015 12:25

to be honest I think they are more of a big deal for people who are the first in their family to go to university, and their parents.
As for standing with a cheesy grin, smelly hired hat, and bit of plain paper rolled up....
what a waste of time. IMO.

Cherryblossomsinspring · 10/09/2015 12:28

Well don't go then. But don't assume other people should feel the same as you about it.

But for most people, its nice to mark achievements and occasions.

FadedRed · 10/09/2015 12:30

tectonicplates sorry if my post came across a bit shouty, it wasn't meant to be. Congratulations on your degree.
Some of the people at one of the grad ceremonies didn't wear the gown and cap, they are not compulsory, because they felt more comfortable without or felt they were an expense they couldn't justify, but still enjoyed the acknowledgement of their efforts iyswim.

Original poster

tectonicplates · 10/09/2015 12:30

I don't expect other people to feel the same about theirs as I do about mine. It's clearly a massive deal for many people.

Sorry if I didn't explain it properly - people seem taken aback that I, personally, am not that interested in going myself.

OP posts:

Cherryblossomsinspring · 10/09/2015 12:31

So you are asking AIBU to not want to go. The answer is no, YANBU. And congrats on the degree!

motheroftwoboys · 10/09/2015 12:33

Our older son graduated a few years ago but didn't bother with the ceremony. In fact we only found out about it afterwards. Younger son graduated last July and we went and loved it. It was surprisingly expensive though. Tickets. Gown hire etc. Didn't have official photos. They were just silly money. However it was nice to see one of them graduate.

thunderbird69 · 10/09/2015 12:37

Tectonic - I feel the same as you. If I'd gone to a regular uni when younger I probably would have gone as it would be a group celebration with classmates that I'd gone through uni with. But I did mine as an adult on an online course.
I would have felt really uncomfortable dressed up and walking across a stage in front of strangers just to shake hands with someone.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 10/09/2015 12:41

YANBU. I didn't bother with my ceremony either OP! No regrets whatsoever.

mileend2bermondsey · 10/09/2015 12:41

YANBU OP. I can see why people do attend and are proud and enjoy the day. It's the use of the picures afterwards that I hate. Tinder pictures and the like. You are educated, we get it!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 10/09/2015 12:42

I never went to my second one in April. My mother is still sulking about it now.
I went to my first purely for my parents benefit. Boring, expensive and tedious but if it makes other people happy then fair enough

Babyroobs · 10/09/2015 12:44

YANBU - I didn't go to mine either. by then I was working . I was the first person in my family to go to University and my parents didn't even mention wanting to go to the ceremony, perhaps if they had I would have gone.

DisappointedOne · 10/09/2015 12:45

I'm also studying for a degree with the OU - for the sake of it really. Was in the town centre during graduation season here and couldn't help but feel it was all just a showy nonsense. I'm not sure I'll bother with one in 2018.

SnozzberryPie · 10/09/2015 12:48

For some people it is symbolic of the hard work that went into their degree.

For other people it is mostly a day for the parents (my first graduation was like this - I was the first one in my family to go to university).

If neither of these applies to you then feel free not to go, it isn't compulsory.

Junosmum · 10/09/2015 12:50

I went to my first one after much cajoling from family and friends. Was bored silly for 1.5 hours then went for a meal with family and drinks with friends which was nice.

This time round I was far more proud of my achievement but chose not to go ??50 for my gown, a days annual leave from work. Couldn't be bothered. Went for drinks after work with my uni friends to celebrate. I don't regret not going at all.

MaidOfStars · 10/09/2015 12:51

Well, of course it's showy nonsense. It's a ceremony, it's ceremonial.

I have had two. My parents cancelled a holiday to attend my first. I quite enjoyed both. Stupid outfits, lots of fizz, nice dinner, a party, lots of fuss, lots of gifts. What's not to love?

I attended my (now) husband's PhD graduation, along with his parents. Seeing his Dad cry and fist pumping as he went up onto the stage made me realise how proud parents are to see it.

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