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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what's the difference between christening invitation and funeral invitation

29 replies

Johnny5isAlive · 09/09/2015 21:48

DH plays football on Saturday afternoons.
We received a christening invitation from my side of the family for 1pm on a Saturday. I accepted on behalf of myself and DC but will think of a suitable excuse nearer the time for DHs decline.
Now very sadly a relative of an old friend of DHs has passed away. He wants to attend the funeral. It's on a Saturday.
I'm not going to ask him as I know it has no place on such a topic. However AIBU to inwardly think that's double standards. If you refuse miss a footy game for a christening then why not a funeral?
We're not religious at all if that makes any difference.
I'm happy to accept being told it's an unreasonable thought

OP posts:

Sidge · 09/09/2015 21:51

A funeral in no way is comparable to a christening IMO.

A funeral is your one and only chance to say goodbye.

A christening is a new beginning. At least you have the opportunity to see the child being christened and their family again. You can never bury/cremate the deceased again.

Lilaclily · 09/09/2015 21:51

A funeral is about paying your respects to someone who you've had a relationship with

In my mind a christening is a personal choice of the parents

Two totally different things

poocatcherchampion · 09/09/2015 21:51

Yabu

seagreengirl · 09/09/2015 21:53

Yanbu, I think it's double standards too.

AgentProvocateur · 09/09/2015 21:53

If you're not religious, a christening is just a dull social obligation. A funeral is completely different, so YABU B

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 09/09/2015 21:54

They are not the same thing at all for reasons pps have given.

However it does seem a bit off that your dh will never miss footie for something that js important to you, if that is the case (reading between the lines of your op).

londonrach · 09/09/2015 21:55

A funeral is the last chance you have to say goodbye and in the case of the ast one i visited the last time i saw some of my elderly members of my family as they make the effect to attend. You can see the baby again but can never bury the person again. Both important celebrations but in different ways.. Sorry for your loss. X

ginmakesitallok · 09/09/2015 21:55

Yab totally unreasonable. A funeral is not comparable to a christening.

Squiff85 · 09/09/2015 21:57

Yes, a funeral is different and "more important" to attend, however I still think its poor of your husband to not attend a christening on your side. To me it would suggest he is only interested when its his family/friends

cuntycowfacemonkey · 09/09/2015 21:57

It's rather insulting to suggest someone dying and someone being christened is the same thing.

YANBU to be peeved that you have a selfish husband.

FunkyPeacock · 09/09/2015 21:58

Seriously??

You really can't recognise their is a difference between attending a funeral and attending a christening?

CocktailQueen · 09/09/2015 21:59

Well, I think it's a bit shit for your dh not to go to the christening for your sake if nothing else. Selfish.

But a funeral is not like a christening as this is your last chance to pay your respects and say goodbye.

But if your dh is only willing to give up football for an event on his side of the family then he is being U. It's all about give and take.

MaxieMouse · 09/09/2015 21:59

They are different, of course, but I wouldn't be happy if dh refused to go to a family christening because of football. Unless he was a professional footballer and made 1mil a game, of course. Otherwise, family event trumps hobby every time.

CocktailQueen · 09/09/2015 22:00

It's only a relative of an old friend of dh's - not close family or anything. It sounds like your dh is being selfish.

goawayalready · 09/09/2015 22:00

taking it as a "general event" rather than a christening vrs funeral yanbu even taking it as christening vrs funeral yanbu one is a celebration of life another farewell to a life both equally important imho

RiverTam · 09/09/2015 22:01

You haven't saud what relation the christened child is to you, or how close your DH is to saud relative. That makes a difference, I think. However, if you want to play top trumps, a funeral of a very old friend of your DH's is more important to him, perfectly understandably. He's not stopping you from going.

overthemill · 09/09/2015 22:01

A funeral is an important ritual to say goodbye to someone you have known and had a relationship with. A christening is to welcome a new baby into the church family. Totally different and no one would mind him declining christening. But why on earth is a christening on a Saturday - they are usually in a Sunday

fredfredgeorgejnrjnr · 09/09/2015 22:01

A christening only has meaning if you are of the same religion (or a similar one), a funeral has meaning for anyone regardless of religion. So the fact you're not religious at all is even more relevant, not less. So YABU on the general premise.

If you think it's very important for your DH to attend the christening though for social reasons, YWNBU to ask and expect him to miss a game.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 09/09/2015 22:02

A funeral isn't celebrating a new life or new beginnings

PurpleDaisies · 09/09/2015 22:02

I agree with everyone else-a funeral is completely different to a Christening so if it was a straight choice between the two going to the funeral is absolutely right.

However, he seems initially to have chosen footy over a family event. What were his reasons for that?

RiverTam · 09/09/2015 22:02

Sorry, realised misread your OP. Again, depends on the relative - if his best mate is in bits is his mum has died I reckon he should be there to support his friend.

Osolea · 09/09/2015 22:03

You are being completely ridiculous.

Surely you can see the difference in importance between a christening and a funeral?

Original poster

Johnny5isAlive · 09/09/2015 22:03

Sorry funkyPeacock I think I misjudged the thread title there. Obviously I know the difference.

I think that most of you are right and it's actually the fact that he turned down the christening which is bothering me more.

I'll give it no more thought

OP posts:

overthemill · 09/09/2015 22:03

If the 'relative if an old friend ' is say the mum of his best friend from school- totally understand him going. My DH got great comfort from his oldest friends coming to his dad's funeral - all of whom had known dh's dad for over 50 years

KidLorneRoll · 09/09/2015 22:07

A christening is usually an excuse for a nice little party but can very often be really quite dull.

A funeral is, well, a funeral. I can't see a problem at all with someone wanting to duck out of the first but a funeral is an entirely different matter.

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