To Wish This Health Anxiety Would Feff Off And Die?

[ForTheLongestTime]

I have anxiety. I know this.

I am currently convinced I have:
a) Motor neurone disease
b) A DVT in my calf and probably small PEs too
c) Aspergers

I can't stop thinking about how I'm going to die and leave DS motherless/ die a horrible death and how awful it will all be.
I know, it's ridiculous (though each one has evidence that supports it in my mind, and option c) is quite likely true).
But I can't stop ruminating and I can't sleep and I can't concentrate on anything like, you know, life, because NOTHING MATTERS BECAUSE I'M PROBABLY ABOUT TO DIE.
Which again, I know, is ridiculous.
Atm I am having to stop myself from driving to A&E to have a leg scan.

Anxiety can fuck all the way off.

Just want to jump on the thread because all of this resonates, but i'm unsure whether to go the doctors or not.

At the moment i'm convinced my aorta is going to burst or i'm going to have a stroke. Or a heart attack.

I think i'm like this as I had a friend who died of cancer at a very young age, then my aunt died of cancer, and I suppose it put the thought in my head of death possibly being round the corner.

I am 100x worse since I had children as the idea of not being around for them frightens me so much.

Mel completely relate to the PE thing...it almost makes me laugh when they ask about 'any shortness of breath' ... yes... but then I know I am panicking...I'd probably be more worried if I wasn't a bit breathless
I didn't know you could get the oxygen thing -even with my 'new found' no stress mentality I might get one.
Please do try and find again that I can't control this, I can't change this mentality...whatever happens I'll cope. I can't tell you how much I regret living in fear for so many years.

IME a panic attack can be as frightening as a PE -ok a panic attack can't kill you (I don't think at least - don't tell me if they can ) but then if you had a fatal PE you wouldn't really feel any worse before you died.
(For me - with my 'pneumonia' the pleuritic pain was agony but the most frightening thing was the not being able to breathe, I phoned the emergency doctor and I couldn't really speak - worse in my panic I at first I used our dodgy phone so they couldn't hear me anyway and kept putting the phone down on me, then when I remembered and used the right phone at first they thought I was a phone pest, a heavy breather )

To those of you with HA, do you find that if you get a diagnosis it is better than not knowing, you can almost relax?

Everything i fret about is never as bad as i thought, and I am a coper - people tell me im really strong - oh the irony!!! Yes, when the shit hits the fan i am the one to cope and take control - i would be, because im on defcon 10 alert 24/7.

Mornings are the worst - damn you cortisone.

Bumgrapes, i think you would benefit from going to your GP. Anxiety is an illness and as such, responds well to medication.

I have had/ have it.
At one time it was so bad l could have convinced myself (as a female) that l had prostate C.
Mine was triggered by witnessing a fatal traffic accident. A late miscarriag, and my Grandmother dying very suddenly.
for you all.

Health anxiety is the devil isn't it? I went through 18 months of intense HA and I honestly thought I was losing my mind. I virtually lived at the docs and took myself to a&e several times...

Had cbt, helped a bit. Take low dose citalopram, helps a bit. It's still there but nowhere near as bad. I also project it onto others. I even have health anxiety for my cats lol!

Sorry you're going through it OP, it really is a bastard and sucks all joy out of you!

Also, Google (HA's best friend) can fuck off too!

To those of you with HA, do you find that if you get a diagnosis it is better than not knowing, you can almost relax?

Yes. The not knowing for me is the worst part because I envisage the worst possible case scenario in my head. I almost feel like if I know what's happening, even if it is the worst possible thing it could be, I can then prepare.

PS I also feel ashamed for having HA because I have not had any of the usual triggers. I have not witnessed a loved one dying of a disease (yet - it's one of my consistent, all-consuming fears) nor have I ever been seriously ill myself.

My OH, on the other hand, watched his sixteen-year-old cousin die of leukaemia in the space of about 3 months, and he's extremely stoical about illness, very level-headed. I feel like a bit of a fraud to be honest.

Echoing others and saying my friend had CBT for this, and it helped a lot

[Flowers]

www.nomorepanic.co.uk/ this helped me x

I have to say I can also recommend the no more panic website. The only thing that seems to help a bit with me is, when I am convinced I have an illness, let's say breast cancer, is instead of googling 'breast cancer symptoms' etc and having a meltdown, I google 'breast cancer health anxiety', to find forum upon forum of people having similar meltdowns and being reassured. I find it very comforting in a weird sort of way to know there are others out there having the exact same freak outs.

MaybeBaby I get feeling like a fraud, buy, hey! You have anxiety. That's your trigger - having anxiety! No further justifications needed. I do completely get being embarrassed by it, though.

TheOriginalLEM Yes, I'd rather have a diagnosis of whatever, I think.
The thing about anxiety, though, is it thrives on reassurance. Thus the compulsion to be constantly running to the doctor/ phoning 111/ going to A&E. It makes you feel like you need to know, and you need to know NOW. Then, because the problem is anxiety rather than (usually) anything physical, the reassurance quickly wears off, Dr Google or whatever/ constant rumination takes over, and more reassurance is needed to calm the intense anxiety. Hence, most therapists will pretty much veto any reassurance seeking behaviour.

Aand, the above also goes to show that you can have all the insight in the world into your anxiety condition and still suffer from it very acutely. It's irrational like that.

Thanks for the nomorepanic website recommendation, I wish I'd had something like this years ago. Would have beaten my (former) GP's response to me telling him I felt awful: You're alive, the weather is good, go for a walk and get a grip.

I think I need to be a bit more proactive and this thread - and the link have given me the nudge I needed. Regular exercise - 3 times a week and regular walking, eating well - the connection between anxiety and blood sugars was completely new to me, and no avoidance of anything. Shall be my mantra.

OP, of course, knowing all about it doesn't stop it happening, after all it is a response and thought process that has become entrenched.

But you can unlearn your thought processes, relearn the healthy ones. I've done it once, I can do it again. You can do it, too!

unlucky I shall aim for your 'no stress' mentality

The whatever happens I will cope mentality. As you said, due to past experiences it's not theoretical, but as I've had an unprovoked PE my chance of getting another is the same as anyone's on my street. They don't waste away their time worrying. I will get there again.

Oh my god i can really relate to all this, its awful😣. I have been suffering with HA for 18months now and have diagnosed myself with every cancer going😢. At the mo its skin cancer... im convinced and am going to doctors this aft and im absolutely petrified. Its horrible to feel how we do 👎

Thank you for writing this down, I thought that it was just me that thought this way.

I too am convinced that I have awful things wrong with me, this afternoon I am off to GP as I am worried that Piles might be bowel cancer. I have a lump in my back due to get removed - convinced its cancer, I have lots of freckles/moles - convinced its cancer - ache in hip - convinced its cancer, breasts have lumps (fibrocystic) - yup you guessed, terrible eyesight (shortsighted) getting worse - Brain Tumour. I paid £150 for a HIV test (thankfully negative).

It doesn't help that in my family we have a lot of illness (Mum has breast cancer currently too) and my DH has a condition that means that he can't get life insurance (mine as you can imagine is hefty and I always want to buy more, broker is avoiding my calls).

Every single day I think about my death, I realise its not healthy.

OP talk to your GP, you deserve a break from this exhausting worry. Exercise really helps me, can you get to a gym?

I will talk to mine too. I wonder if mine is stress related, full time job + a young DD + difficult house move and bingo 3am Sunday morning I am lying awake thinking my painful hip is terminal.

Hi ur deffo not on your own it's bloody awful, im only 28 and ive been a mess. I feel so guilty on my 2 children and partner as i feel miserable when stuck in the worry cycle, heres what ive been CONVINCED ive had in the last 18month... cervical cancer, ovarian, bowel, brain, bladder, breast, skin (which im currently worried about) leukemia, lymphoma, MS, ALS... and theres probably more😣. I feel so awful as there are people out there with it and im worrying, but this is a phobia/mental health issue that i need to get over myself... nobody can do it for us. I get petrified of the thought of leaving my 2 children and partner behind thats the thing that bothers me most xx

I'm a CBT therapist, I see HA alllll the time, get yourselves to IAPT if haven't already In the mean time try not to avoid things and don't seek reassurance (I know that's easier said than done).

Hi whats IAPT? Ive had CBT earlier in the year and to be honest as nice as the woman (therapist) were she was soooo droll😕 i didnt feel much better really. Ive actually been doctors today as i was convinced ive got skin cancer and my doctor mentioned going bk on the CBT thing... there was another doctor in observing him and he interrupted and said no way is she going for CBT again😯. He said it wont do me any good as it will keep me in the cycle of talking about what im worried about, i kind of understood what he was saying in a way... i think hes trying to be cruel to be kind in a way😮 i come away not knowing what to think!! I know i (we) all need to help ourselves as no1 can do it for us, it's just really hard xx