Firstly, I think it's important to note that I am very pro people having positive relationships with their ex-partners where possible, especially when children are involved.
I've been with my partner for 3.5 years and it has been far from easy but we're happy and have a great life together. However, there is one issue I struggle to get over: his relationship with his ex-wife.
She is a very difficult woman and I had sympathy for this for the first few years (even after receiving streams of abuse from her, her hacking my emails, threatening me and physically attacking him etc) but now that sympathy is wearing thin. Her and I live in different countries which works well as it means we have very limited interaction but I have dealt with years of bullying by her, predominantly online or conveyed through him. I've never fought back because I don't want to make it worse but recently I made the decision that I was no longer going to let her control my behaviour or my happiness. In the past his children have defended me when she has attacked me which I find very saddening as they should not be put in this position and have actively told her that it is none of her business what their dad does in their personal life. She will explode at the smallest thing (most recent example being that he and I had been on holiday together which apparently was unacceptable). She stamps her feet and threatens all sorts, making very nasty comments to the kids about him and I. Whilst it's not pleasant by any means, I could deal with it if I felt he was on my side. He panders to her whims to a ridiculous extent and it drives me to distraction! When she's in a good mood or wants something from him, she will send endless messages trying to be all cutesy- at one point this escalated to sending a naked selfie!!! The bit that really upsets me is that when she's in one of these phases he does not see how inappropriate it is. Even when it's not so extreme as that example he cannot see that them speaking about non-child related topics on a daily basis is actually quite inappropriate and whilst I don't make a fuss it does upset me as she's just being manipulative. He goes back every weekend to see the children (which I fully support) but when he is there and she is with her boyfriend she has nothing to say to him but during the week (which is our time together) she is constantly in contact. Am I being unreasonable that it upsets me that he doesn't take my feelings into account or see that it is not appropriate to let her be so involved in our relationship (we are talking constant messages about how he should break up with me)? All I want is for him to realise that it's not ok and way outside the parameters of co-parenting and to be on my side when she abuses me.