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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Possible pervert/paedophile?

23 replies

Crazyrabbitlady · 08/09/2015 19:44

A parent approached me a couple of weeks ago with concerns about a man hanging around the bus stop that our children use to catch the school bus.

So myself and a few other parents have been hanging around the area at pick up times and drop offs.

The man turns up before the school bus arrives in his car, he doesn't get out. He just watches the children then when the bus leaves he drives off. Same thing happens at drop offs.

He hasn't approached the children but he does wave and constantly stares.
A parent said she had seen him with his phone acting like he was taking pictures or filming.

I have now been warned by parents who drive their kids to school that this man has now started sitting outside the school in his car. He's doing the same things. They thought he was another parent waiting to pick up his kid but clearly he isn't.

My daughter and her friends use a park a couple of streets away. This man has started to sit in his car facing the park!

So this man is watching the kids get picked up, driving to the school and sitting outside until the kids go in.

We have all spoken to a pcso and he has said he will check this man out. I'm not the sort of person to cry about paedophiles being on every corner but this man just isn't right is he?

I just don't know what to do and I'm pulling my hair out. Any advice?

My dd is 13 and my ds is 14.

OP posts:
CrohnicallyAspie · 08/09/2015 19:47

My first thought is that he's also a parent, keeping an eye on his child. Perhaps because he's worried the child won't get on the bus, concern about bullying, or an estranged parent?

The PCSO has said he will check him out, there's probably am innocent explanation but even if not, forewarned is forearmed. You and other parents are keeping an eye, and your children know to stick together.

Griphook · 08/09/2015 19:49

Take a photo of the car/reg in case and case up with the pcso tomorrow

Griphook · 08/09/2015 19:49

Chase

MakeItACider · 08/09/2015 19:50

My first thought would be someone trying to track down a child, actually. But still not comforting.

I think you need to start recording HIS movements. If he is sat in the car, take a photo of him, if he is at the bus stop, take a photo, etc. If nothing it else it will be a record of exactly how frequently he is doing this.

Original poster
Crazyrabbitlady · 08/09/2015 19:52

We're from a small village where everyone knows everyone.

I have never seen him before in my life and I know everyone in my village.
I'm so worried about letting my children out now.

A parent followed the man home too...

OP posts:
RainbowCake · 08/09/2015 19:52

It does sound odd to say the least. Have you spoken to school about your concerns?
It could be a father of a child who does not have access, and that could be a concern in itself. Or it could be a random with dodgy motives. I think school should certainly be informed.

StormCoat · 08/09/2015 19:52

There are also perfectly innocent possible explanations. As another poster said, he could be an estranged parent, or a parent making sure a school-refuser is actually making it to school, or one trying to monitor bullying or discreetly check a child with SN is managing?

Original poster
Crazyrabbitlady · 08/09/2015 19:55

Only 12 kids get on the bus. We all know one another so he's not a parent.
The man is in his 60's at least, so I thought maybe a grandparent but he's not.

I'm hoping it's all innocent but my gut is telling me different.

OP posts:
MaddyinaPaddy · 08/09/2015 20:04

..or from the bus company or council counting how many get on at each stop?

ShowMeSaturn · 08/09/2015 20:06

I couldn't stand by and watch that happening. I'd be walking up to his car and saying excuse me, sorry to be rude, but we notice you're sat in your car every day outside school and the park and we all just wondered if you needed help with anything/have you lost someone?

I wouldn't give two hoots if it was an invasion of his privacy. Although I'm more inclined to go with the absent parent/non access explanation than paedo.

Hellocampers · 08/09/2015 20:06

Photo the car and the bloke.

Move on from the pcso and go to your local police station and speak to a proper copper.

There was a recent abduction of a 12 year old from our lovely quiet village 5 months ago.

I was sexually assalted by my school bus driver as a child.

I am afraid that there really are paedophiles around most corners. My dh works in a prison.

Trust your instincts and report again. If he's innocent the police will know.

CarlaJones · 08/09/2015 20:09

On the year 7 starters thread, people said they followed behind their child who was travelling on the bus by car or their husband did, to check the child got there ok.

ImperialBlether · 08/09/2015 20:09

Maddy, why wouldn't the bus company just ask the bus driver? Have you ever heard of a bus company representative parked up by a bus and waving at the children on the bus?

CarlaJones · 08/09/2015 20:10

Sorry, crossed post

Original poster
Crazyrabbitlady · 08/09/2015 20:11

Only 12 kids get on the bus, it's a small minibus that only picks kids up from the one bus stop.

OP posts:
SingingSamosa · 08/09/2015 20:12

And why would the council also send that person to sit outside school or outside the local park???

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/09/2015 20:17

I am a parent, I live in a small village I pay someone every day to distance supervise one of my children getting on the bus and then follow the bus to school and watch him walk into the building I also pay him to do it every afternoon in reverse.

His job title is 1:1 support carer

Griphook · 08/09/2015 20:20

I think you need to take it escalate the issue with the police, don't talk to him, what's could he say that would make you feel happy now, If you talk to him he will just move on to another village/stop.
Call the police
Tomorrow morning if he's there again

ImperialBlether · 08/09/2015 20:21

And why would the council send the man again and again?!

Ledkr · 08/09/2015 20:39

I agree about escalating it to the police.
If it was an adult he was watching it woukd come under the stalking/harrassment laws.
You can't just sit around watching kids without soneone eventually asking why?

Helpmeoutofthemaze · 08/09/2015 20:47

Police and head teacher. And I'd drive the kids to school.

We got a warning letter about a man who has tried to entice individual children into his car around here on 3 occasions. There aren't paedophiles around every corner but there are paedophiles around some corners. Age is pretty much irrelevant. Kids can look +/- 3 or 4 years than their actual age anyway and different paedos will have different preferences.

SolidGoldBrass · 08/09/2015 20:49

Once you have reported it to the police, butt out. If the man has a record, for instance, or can give no reasonable explanation for his behaviour, the police will deal with him. If he can provide a valid explanation (such as being a support carer as described upthread) then that's that - though the police are under no obligation to give you all the details, they may let you know that they are aware of the man and he poses no threat.
But don't start a PeedoPanic in your village. Children are more likely to be in danger from their own families than from strangers particularly in small villages where everyone's their own cousin three times over.

catfordbetty · 08/09/2015 21:40

Exactly the right advice from SolidGoldBrass - leave it to the coppers.

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