I am being unreasonable... (miscarriage related)

[chelle792]

Someone knock some sense into me please be gentle

Ten days ago I miscarried my baby at nearly 11 weeks.

Every time a post pops up on pregnancy to announce a BFP I just feel sad and want to scream and shout 'dont get too excited, it might not be viable'

Viable is an awful word. My baby wasn't viable. I was going to be 21 weeks pregnant at my wedding and was looking at maternity wedding dresses.

I'm so happy for people to hear they are pregnant but it just strikes fear into my heart. I would obviously never say it to anyone. I'm a kind person and would never say anything horrible to anyone.

AIBU??

Thank you so much to you all for your kind words.

I just feel so lost and don't know what to do with myself.

It feels extra hard as my mum was less than helpful. I had to drop my nan home (5 hour round trip) as my mum refused to come and collect. I miscarried in the car on the way home (knew it was happening as scan showed no heart beat and I was spotting/cramping).

I'm heartbroken and disappointed. Not only grieving my baby but struggling to come to terms with my mums lack of compassion

YANBU, although obviously you have to just grit your teeth and smile...

Only this week I saw what was only a 7-8 week scan. Having lost my last pregnancy at 12 weeks this just seems ridiculous. Having seen friends go through later losses/stillbirths I wince a bit when I see people posting pictures of fully furnished nurseries/loads of purchases when they're barely into their second trimester.

Take care of yourself it's a really horrible time. Also second the advice to step away from social media, people don't mean to be insensitive but when it's all so raw everything can feel like a personal dig!

Step away from the Pregnancy board (and FB, possibly). It takes most people a long time to get over this kind of thing and that's just natural.

I lost my first pregnancy two years ago, also shortly before my wedding. (Wouldn't have needed a maternity dress, though.) It didn't help that the registrar happily told us all about his daughter having married the year previously and her having just given birth to his first grandchild. I couldn't bear to look at my dad and just smiled politely.
We've been TTC for several years and then it was just over in a matter of weeks. My mum took a long time to get round to the idea that this was actually affecting me and not just something that will just be forgotten about in a week.
She keeps on telling me that it'll happen, if I just relax. I've just gone through my second ectopic and quite honestly, it's quite unlikely. It's taken this second problem, surgery and time in hospital for my DM to fully appreciate that it's not that easy. So try to give your mum some time.

Give yourself some time as well. I consoled myself last time with the idea that the baby simply wouldn't have made it, had it been born. It therefore decided to stay a part of me for a little longer instead, until the time is right. (I had hardly any bleeding.) This time round, it was the right size, growing and possible could have been ok, had it settled in the right place. Third time lucky, I hope. (I've been rude enough not to congratulate some of my friends, who are currently pregnant with DC #4. I just can't manage it, yet.)

YANBU. I had 3 miscarriages in a year and I wanted to scream 'you don't know what will happen' at anyone who announced their pregnancy the minute they found out.

I now have a 15 week old Dd, but I never relaxed at all during the whole pregnancy, in fact I suffered with anxiety/depression. I just didn't think I'd ever get a take home baby, it was awful and ruined what should have been a happy time for us.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I was in a very similar position - pregnant, would have been 20 weeks when we got married so looking at maternity dresses. Had a precautionary scan at 9 weeks after I had a fever to find no heartbeat.

A couple of months later, I was at a party and a friend I hadn't seen in a while turned up heavily pregnant. To my shame, I ran away from her. I don't mean I made brief conversation then took my leave - I didn't even acknowledge her, turned and left very quickly.

There are a lot of platitudes, people trying to show support. 'It wasn't viable/wouldn't have worked out', 'at least you know you can get pregnant'. Actually, the best response I got was 'that's shit' and a cuddle.

I hated people announcing on Facebook, but it's not going to stop. And in a way I found it easier to find out remotely and get my cry over with.