AIBU or is he?

[ExTrouble]

Ex partner used to work the afternoon/evening shift so saw our DS one morning during the week and one day over the weekend. He has now got a new job working the day shift during the week and expects to have DS (8mo) all day Sat & all day Sun. I have said no. I am back at work and think I should have a day at the weekend with DS too. AIBU or is he? I have told him no and asked to discuss it, he walked off telling me to grow up!

Is it normal to share weekends then? Me and my ExP share our 2 DDs this way (he has them Thu/Fri one week and Sat/Sun the next. We both help each other out if things come up the kids are happy. However my DP has his son from Saturday morning at 9.30 until Sunday evening around 5pm! (We also have him from Monday after school to Wed after school every week) I've asked him to change the rota slightly so that I still get time with my girls on their own (he gets one on one with his son when mone are at their Dads, we don't get any). He doesn't see anything wrong with his DS not spending any time with his Mum or brothers at a weekend. I keep saying that it is normal to alternate weekends and he won't listen! I have suggested we do Fri - Fri -Sat- Sat. Same amount of time with his son but gives us some time for the girls and ourselves.
OP, I hope you can sort it out, my ExP applied for flexible working to ensure his shifts were set and allowed him to have the girls. Maybe he could apply for that, his employer has to give it due consideration.

Flipping heck Fizzingmum - you DP's ex has it easy doesn't she! I'd hate to not have some weekend time with my DS especially now I'm back at work!

Your ExP sounds very reasonable! I hope we can get to that point too.

She does have it easy. They live in the next town around 25 miles away. My DP also does all of the transporting (even though he has bought her a car!!). Its the complete opposite of my ExP and I. But I should say it wasn't always plain sailing. Although we set the days very early on, there was a lot of bitterness and anger in the early days. Being awkward about times, transport, feeding them when he knew we were off out etc. Im sure he would say I was as bad (I wasn't, but he would say that!!). It only actually got better once he met someone else and started to move on. He is one of my best friends now, but it takes a while for things to settle down. It is still early days if your LO is only 8 months, give it a bit of time and he will come around to a more reasonable arrangement. Or as I say as soon as he meets someone else, he wont want to have all of his weekends taken up and will soon look to share them equally. XX

An update if anyone is interested. ExP had DS on Sat, the poor little thing came home damp with sweat and obviously exhausted and upset. Was told he'd cried all the way home - Exp and his new partner in the car, neither had bothered to lean over and put DS' dummy in, which I know is all he needs for a little comfort - ExP doesn't/won't use dummy.

Anyway....he asked me what time he was to collect him the following day and when I said it was my day of the weekend to have DS and asked to discuss he told me I was disgusting. He asked me to confirm I was cutting his days in half to which I said no, I'd like to discuss and if we can't have a grown up conversation we need to go to mediation. He said that was pointless, said I was disgusting again and walked off. So still no nearer to a reasonable discussion!

Can you afford to get a solicitor?

This won't improve.

Yanbu, and you should remind him that you're suppose to be on the same team when it comes to DC. Sounds like he's the one that needs to do a little growing up...

I have contacted a mediation service before but he refused to attend, I thought that needed to take place before I could go to a solicitor.

His request is absolutely unfair that you would essentially only see ds before and after work and no full days - explain via text that you should both get equal full days with ds as weekdays as a full time worker do not give you that - either he has 2 days one weekend and you 2 days the next weekend or a full day each every weekend.

I feel as though he wants to make a big drama of it once a week when he sees me so he can say something horrible but has no interest in actually dealing with the issue or coming to some kind of suitable arrangement.

If he so badly wants to see DS more than once a week why not accept that being horrible is getting him nowhere and a grown up conversation needs to be held. I've not even had a barrage of argumentative texts I'd normally get when he feels strongly about something (not that I'm complaining!)