AIBU to share his naked baby photo?

[fishcake84]

Everyone says our 6 month old DS is the spitting image of me, and he kinda is. But as the months tick on, he is definitely getting to look a bit more like DH. I was looking through a baby photo album of my DH and saw a page of 6 photos where our little boy really really looks like him. I took a photo of the whole page and WhatsApp'd it to my mum, dad and sister (group message) and also to his family, saying "wow look how much DS looks like DH!".

DH is unimpressed because one of the pictures is of him naked. He is about 6-8 months old in the pic and sitting up, with his hands on the floor in front of him, effectively covering his genitals. The other 5 pics are clothed and show my FIL with a hilarious 70's porn star tash. Because he is unimpressed and uncomfortable with it, I have obviously apologised and said I won't do that type of thing again.

He asked how happy I'd be for him to send naked pics of me to my in-laws, and I replied that if they were baby photos I'd have no problem at all.

So, is sending an almost 40 year old naked but genital-free baby photo to my parents ridiculously unreasonable? Or is my DH being a bit sensitive? Either way, I respect the fact that he is uncomfortable with it and won't do it again.

You are not being unreasonable, in my opinion.

Yes yabu, it doesn't matter what you thought its your dh picture and he gets to say who sees it. I wouldn't have liked it either if it was me.

I wouldn't care but I'm not your DH so it's not relevant. He cares so just accept that and move on.

Your DH has every right to decide what pictures of him get shared, you should of asked.

Your DH shouldn't of had to justify himself.

I think this is an individual thing. I don't care who sees pictures of me in the nip as a baby in my family but my relationship with the in laws isn't great (for legitimate reasons and its not a MIL bash!) So would probably be quite unimpressed.
DH has a great relationship with my family but probably wouldn't be too keen for Fil to see it tbh. It depends if he's going to get comments about it as well. That would get very wearing here and feature heavily in the objection. I love him and just like my dcs find those pictures of him very sweet - because he's my DH, I wouldn't feel the same about Bil.

If his relationship with your family is generally close I perhaps wouldn't have thought before sending it as part of a page but would definitely understand his problem with it. You've apologized though and I think he should see your pov too, accept your intent was far from to discomfit him and move on.
I don't think Yabu to have unthinkingly done something he finds a bit invasive and he's nbu to find it so. Not the crime of the century however!

I think you should have asked first. But I also hate people sharing naked pictures of their babies and young children. I think if they want to show them the self when older then that's fair enough.

You're not unreasonable and he's not too sensitive - you have different levels of comfort over this sort of thing and that's fine.

Thanks for the perspectives. I just was surprised as, to me, naked baby photos are a non-issue. And DH has never given me cause to believe it would be an issue for him up til now. Live and learn eh?

I haven't pointed out to him that the photo is much less mortifying and revealing than the one of him dressed in nought but a Borat mankini on his friend's stag do, which he clearly isn't embarrassed about people (including my family) seeing, as he has framed it and hung it in our downstairs loo...!

yabu

Since it's a picture of him it's up to him to decide. Perhaps he's a bit sensitive, but it's still his call :P Pick your battles :)

its your dh picture and he gets to say who sees it.

Actually, it's a photo of her DH. If he doesn't own it, then he gets no say in what is done with it.

I wish people would give up with this notion that they own all the rights to every random picture of them out there....

Are you saying it is fine for anyone to share any photograph of anyone else, IKnow? What about revenge porn? And if that's not OK (I certainly don't think it is), then where do we draw the line?

For me, the sensible answer is that, if possible, you should ask the subject of the picture if they are OK with you sharing it.

Some photos are shared just to poke fun at someone - for example, I saw a picture on FB - taken on the escalator in a shop, of a young woman who hadn't realised that her leggings were very see-through, and that not only her knickers could be seen, but it was also plain to see that she was wearing a sanitary towel. The picture was taken and shared so people could snigger at the fat girl's bottom - and the comments were very nasty. Is that OK?

Actually, it's a photo of her DH. If he doesn't own it, then he gets no say in what is done with it.

That may be the legal position, but if you run a relationship based on the minimum consideration required by law, then you are unlikely to stay married for very long.

As it stands, it's exceedingly unlikely that the OP actually took the picture either and if they have it in their house, it was probably given to her husband by whoever took it, so the point is moot.

Are you saying it is fine for anyone to share any photograph of anyone else, IKnow?

To a degree yes. Most unsavoury uses are already covered by existing laws...

And if I want to post a photo of my kids in a nappy in an amusing pose/situation then I have the right to do that whether they're 5, 25 or 55!!

Would you feel the same if you shared a photo of your kid and then your parent shared that on with some of their friends. It's wrong that you've done that to your dh as its not your place to decide what he should feel about it.

Yabu, ill be interested what happens when all the babies in these baby photos shared on face book grow up. We could expect some similar reactions your dh had to this.

I get that the fact that I've shared it with people makes the situation different and he might not like that. But everyone involved has seen the photos in question before anyway. When we got engaged we had both families and some friends round to our house and photos of us as kids (seperately, I'll point out) were pored over in excruciating detail by all and sundry, including the page of photos in question. I genuinely sent it as "wow look how much DS looks like DH".

He hasn't made a big deal of it, in fairness. I'm just posting as I'm surprised by his reaction. And I trust my parents not to send any pics of my son to weirdos, whether he is naked in the photos or not. Wouldn't put them on FB though, I do feel that is a bit far. Mostly as I doubt my FB friends would be interested.

The unsavoury uses may well be covered by law - but what about the unkind ones - like the one I mentioned in my previous post?

Tbh, I think that the expansion of social media has vastly outpaced the development of the social mores and 'rules' that need to accompany it. Eg. in the days when photos were printed - and where you had to order extra copies if you wanted to send them to people you weren't going to see, it was far harder for a single photo to get seen by lots of, possibly random, people, and the owner of the photo had more control over who saw it. Yes, if you sent Grandma a photo of your children, she might well show it to people she knew, but they wouldn't end up having a copy of that picture - whereas now, if Grandma sees a picture of the kids online, she can share the link or the picture with her friends, who can then share it with their friends - and everyone who it's shared with, has a copy of the image.

I don't know how today's children are going to feel about their baby pictures (possibly naked baby pictures) being out there, possibly freely available to anyone, in cyberspace - they may be so used to sharing images online that it won't bother them - but we don't know.

My gut feeling is that, if a picture could be classed as intimate - ie involving nudity or something private - best to ask the photo's subject before sharing it widely online. For example - in the OP's example, if she'd asked her dh before she sent the image, she'd have found out he wasn't happy to have the naked baby picture shared, and she could have cropped the image so as to remove that specific picture, and her dh would probably have been fine with that.

And I am afraid I may be hopelessly old fashioned, but I will ALWAYS hate the 'candid' photos that people take, then share, in order to poke fun at someone for being fat or badly dressed or whatever. That is just unkind - and I know how devastated I would be if that were my picture, put up on social media for the world to point and laugh at.

I think that's a vile attitude iknow, we owe more to each other than just skirting by on just doing what's legal.

I think that in today's society of social media it's important to think carefully about what we put out there. A naked photo or pic in nappy might be cute and funny now but could be perfect cannon fodder for bullies in the teen years.

I had to de-friend someone recently, she put a naked picture of her child sat on the toilet, luckily FB removed it.

I have to say though I feel the same about all these bloody DNA test trash programs, the information spouted to the nation for entertainment is actually from a medical test on a minor and should be treated with confidentiality.

We owe it to our children to be respectful with what parts of their lives we publish.

ill be interested what happens when all the babies in these baby photos shared on face book grow up

Hopefully they'll have done just that - Grown Up.

The endless bleating about photos on here makes me laugh.

Personally I wouldn't want pictures of my freshly drowned kids all over social media - but that seems to make me one of the rare ones!!

A couple of (live) baby photos are no problem.

That is just your opinion, though, IKnow - why do you think that everyone is going to be as blasé as you?

I was bullied at school, and it has left me with very low self esteem and little or no confidence - so if I saw an embarrassing picture of me shared online, I would be really upset - especially if there were nasty comments added. My feelings are no less valid than yours - we are different.

Do you think it is OK to take and share photos of people for the express purpose of poking fun at them? Would you be happy if someone used an image of you to mock you? What if the person whose image was used was less confident and resilient than you, and was really upset?

There has been at least one suicide, of a teenage boy who had sent an image of himself to someone who was pretending to be attracted to him, who then blackmailed him by threatening to publish the photos online - an extreme example, yes, but it shows that these images can have a lot of very negative power online.