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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be dreading going back to work?

12 replies

Jannrooo · 07/09/2015 11:10

DC1 will be 8 months. DH is SAHD and I am the breadwinner. I wasn't planning on going back full-time until a year but it's a truly incredible career opportunity that just came up - which won't be available if I wait until a year - and it is only a fifteen minute walk from home, if I needed to get back for some reason. But I am (1) dreading being away from DC1 (who is still bf several times a day) and (2) afraid that I will be unable to focus on the new job because I miss him so much and so scupper what would be an otherwise amazing fit for me job-wise and an incredible opportunity. Tell me IABU and need to just suck it up and that DC1 will be fine without his mama? :(

OP posts:
Sighing · 07/09/2015 11:14

DC1 will be fine. My DD just merrily shifted (despite being offered expressed) over to only an evening and morning breastfeed (which was only evenings soon after). So that might be easier than you expect.
It sounds a great opportunity.

JanetBlyton · 07/09/2015 11:49

It is fine once you get back. I went back sooner than you did (baby not on any solids) and expressed milk at work which was a bit of a nuisance. At 8 months you probably wont' need to and I found at weekends I could easily just revert to more regular breastfeeds so no bottles.

Givemecoffeeplease · 07/09/2015 13:51

I'm a bit bitter as I can't see any career opportunities ever coming my way again now I'm a mum and about to go on mat leave again. (Shit employer). Grab the opportunity with both hands, but be kind to yourself as you bed in. And huge congrats.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 07/09/2015 14:25

It will be fine. He has his dad to look after him, which is miles easier for everyone than having to sort out childcare.

Tbh I stopped bf dc2 at 8 months because working and bf didn't work for me (went back at 6/7 months). But everyone is different and it might suit you fine.

Original poster
Jannrooo · 07/09/2015 19:01

Thanks all. I know it's the right thing to do. It's just a bit scary and mostly sad. I mean, he'll never be 8 months again and part of me thinks is it really worth it to miss that time that I'll never get back.....

OP posts:
Original poster
Jannrooo · 07/09/2015 19:05

Also givemecoffee, really sorry to hear your employer is being so crap. It's bloody unbelievable in 2015 that we still haven't figured out that women might want to both work and be mothers.

OP posts:
snoozeyoulose · 07/09/2015 19:45

Take the job. I work full time and my ds who's 15 months really doesn't know anything different. try it at least. You'll regret not trying it more than you ever would taking the job and deciding it doesn't suit you. Smile

Original poster
Jannrooo · 07/09/2015 20:47

Thanks snooze, that's good advice. Only problem is if the earlier start doesn't work out, it will have negative repercussions for two years (contract). And going back at a year as opposed to at 8 months would also have repercussions - at 8 months it would be as part of a high-profile all-star team. At a year, it would be more as a face in the crowd. What I'm struggling with is whether going back early is worth it or whether I'm happier to be a bit more low key w later start. And if the latter, whether this is really sensible, since I'm the sole breadwinner....

OP posts:
Thelushinthepub · 07/09/2015 20:52

I'm in the same position although she will be in nursery at the same age is DH also works. New job, great opportunity, no money to stay off longer Sad

She's just starting to become dependant on me and clingy. She looks at me with so much adoration and love and it's breaking my heart to leave her. She's EBF and won't take a bottle. We need to start food and her being in her own room at a similar time to get starting nursery. My poor baby is going to be completely overwhelmed

Pidapie · 07/09/2015 20:54

Go for it :) It will be fine, you have to think about the long term benefits for your family.

Phalarope · 07/09/2015 20:59

I think going back in a more high-profile role is invaluable - it's a big statement of intent about your career ambitions and commitment.

It shouldn't have to be, of course - but I found there was an assumption that I'd be part time and less interested now I had a baby. A year on into full time work that attitude has disappeared, but it did annoy me massively.

I also found I enjoyed my time with DD more, partly because it wasn't all spent doing nappy changes and endless clearing up spilt food. Continued to breastfeed until 15 months.

snoozeyoulose · 07/09/2015 21:28

I feel for you jannrooo. It's a tough decision. I always think it's best to give something a go, give it your all and say no thanks that wasn't for me. Always keep the long term goal in mind. Your DC won't resent you providing for them in the future and if you've always worked full time they'll never know anything different. My DM went back to work full time when j was 6 months and that's just the way it was. Lovely childhood with lots of love from DM and DF and full time work didn't even register with me! It's only as an adult and more recently a mother myself that it seems to be a big deal....when the children are oblivious! Good luck OP. Do what's right for you and your family x

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