To consider letting my 9.5 year old DD make her own way home from school

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Cards on the table. I don't particularly need to do this. I can pick her up from school easily enough myself and do so at the moment. However, she's started expressing a desire to get herself home (partly because other, slightly older, friends are starting to do so).

She would have to do the following:

1. Get the school shuttle bus from one school site to another
2. Cross a busy with school traffic road at a zebra crossing
3. Get a normal bus 3 stops down the road
4. Walk round the block to get to the house (no roads to cross)

I wouldn't suggest she does it every day, but as a step on the road to independence it feels like it might be a good starting place. I'd be home every day so would know if she didn't arrive. She wouldn't be letting herself in.

She is a sensible 9 year old and wouldn't be tempted to wander off on a mission of her own or anything. I feel she really just wants an opportunity to be a little more independent and as she can be a little lacking in confidence re: her own abilities I wonder if this would help bolster her self-esteem a bit.

Due to post-school activities and other constraints it would probably be only one day a week that she could do this.

I'm torn. I like the idea of her being able to spread her wings slowly and I would like to show her I'm prepared to put my trust in her. On the other hand, she is my PF (and only) B and it makes me feel a bit sick.

I'm interested in what other people would do and what horrific dangers I've failed to consider.

I would let her, but probably get her a very cheap mobile so she can contact you in an emergency.

Will she need a bus pass or is it just child fares, does she know the bus route and is confident enough buying her ticket, ringing the bell for her stop etc.

It does depend on the child, my 10 yr old has been cycling two miles to school on his own for over a year, he is sensible and capable. I couldn't have let ds2 at the same age.

You know your child's capabilities, and yes it does make you feel sick and that worry never goes away but they do need to build independence gradually.

Is the zebra crossing supervised? Or light controlled? If so I would say this should be OK once a week, maybe with the caveat that you will collect if it's particularly bad weather.

I wouldn't, mainly because of the normal bus part of the journey. If it was late or broke down, or she lost her bus pass/ ticket/ money would she cope.

Could you break it down into stages over a few weeks? So maybe meet her at the zebra crossing one week, meet her at the bus stop the next? Possibly more for your benefit and peace of mind than your DD's!

I did this with my DS. He can walk to school and it is only a short distance but with a very busy zebra crossing. I built the journey up over a period of time. He's in year 6 now and walks to and from school on his own just fine.

I agree with Heman

Could you start with part of the journey and build her up?

Yes, I'd get her a cheap mobile if we did decide to do it.

The crossing isn't supervised officially, but is right outside the school site so is thronged with children and parents crossing at that part of the day.

She'd have a free bus pass (the luxury!) and, in fact, at her age can travel free without one - it'll just avoid doubt, and yes, I think she'd be more than happy to press the bell etc. Buses are familiar territory to her. These ones run every 11 minutes or so.

If it was very late or if something happened I'd be about a 5 minute drive away to effect a rescue if required.

I let my DS get the bus at your DD's age. It stops outside the school, and drops him off a 5 minute walk from home across quiet streets. We built up to it by taking the bus a couple of times together with him telling me where he would get off etc. Then he took the bus a couple of times, with me following in the car just to check he got off at the correct stop. We also discussed what he would do if he missed his stop. Then he was fine on his own.

I give him bus money in small dinner money envelopes - poundland usually have them. He usually has a couple in his bag at a time.

Yes, if we do go for it, then a gradual build up would be the plan.

If she wants to do it, then I'd break it down into steps, and start the process - so at first she gets the shuttle bus, crosses the road, and meets you at the bus stop. Then when she's done that successfully a few times, wait for her at your end etc.

My 9 year old is walking to and from school by himself as of today (we have a middle school system and its a short walk, so new school, new routine) and is very pleased with the feeling of being grown up

Get her a cheap mobile, and make sure she has a small amount of change in her bag in case the bus pass is mislaid.

Thanks all for the sensible ideas. I'm pleased there's no one telling me it's a completely irrational idea.

It's not irrational at all! DS is my only. I find it very difficult to get the balance right and not baby him. I tend to go the other way, give him lots of independence and favour a more relaxed style of parenting! But that is tempered by DP who would lock DS in a cupboard until he's 21 if he could!

I used to let my eldest DD do this at 9, year 5. That is standard round here anyway, as year 5 is when they go up to middle school.

DD2 is a different person and have not let her yet, even though she is now in year 6.

She is wanting to but I am the person in charge and she is not sensible enough.

You know your DD and really, only you can make the decision.

Is she used to going about herself to other places? Does she go to the shop by herself?
Is she used to public transport?
Are there other children of about the same age on the same route?

Those are the questions I'd be asking for my son. (who's about to be given that freedom at 10.5, but on an somewhat easier route) He's been used to going by himself to school and an activity for the past year, but on a shorter route.

I agree with the mobile, take some money and a card with contacts.

My 9.5 ds walked to school (meeting a friend en route) for the first time today. He has 4 roads to cross, including 1 really nasty junction (we've been practicing that for months). Meanwhile I walked ds2 by a different route.

YABU they are gowning up and need to test their wings a little bit.

Year 5 nearly all go to school alone at our school although not such a complicated journey. If you think she'll be fine then she probably will.

I would go for it and build up as others have suggested.
It's a great life skill to be confident and independent :)
She will feel all grown-up and proud, I imagine!

(My 9.5 comes home with a key 3 times a week - no bus to catch, but he lets himself in. He really loves it.)

If she's happy and you aren't far away then I'd consider it fantastic for her confidence. It not like she feels abandoned because she HAS to do it.

My 10 year old is very reluctant to try even very short journeys by himself. I know it would be good for his confidence and am trying to build him up ready for multi-transport journeys to secondary but having no joy.

I absolutely would not do this. They can start walking to school mid year 6 and take the bus from year 7. No way on this earth would I let a 9 year old do that. Sorry

Do the journey together a couple of times if you haven't already, and for peace of mind you might consider giving her a cheap mobile phone.

My daughter was pretty independent as a 10 year old - she is sensible and reliable and I could trust her. Now she's 14 and heading off to Paris alone at half term to stay with friends ... I know she'll be ok but I am still nervous!

Good luck, it will be great for your DD's self esteem :)

Thanks for all the views. I appreciate no one can really tell me if my DD is capable of this better than I can, but it's really interesting to see what other people think about it in principle.

Lookingforward - why would you not? Not being accusatory - I'm genuinely interested. I initially thought I wouldn't but I think it's possibly my issue rather than any lack of competence on my DD's part.

The more I think about it, I don't really think it's a very complicated thing for her to do. The school shuttle isn't a free-for-all, it's a very small school. They know which children are due on the bus on which days and they are all gathered together and popped on by a teacher/TA. When she gets to the second site, it's off the bus, then the zebra crossing is next to the exit of the school and the bus stop next to the crossing on the other side. The bus ride itself is down one long road and she'd get off near the corner of our road (though we live at the other end). Hmmm, will discuss with my DP later and then maybe broach the subject with DD's rather more protective dad and see how it goes. I definitely think I'm going to let her get the school bus if it pleases her - though that's not really spreading her wings much.

You can always start by getting her to shuttle over to the other school site a couple of times and pick her up from the bus-stop near there, then assuming that goes OK - it isn't that big a deal to catch the bus home.