.. to sleep in the spare room.

[ElinorRigby]

I'm menopausal and this currently makes it harder for me to get to sleep. I can get restless and overheated at night, but try and deal with it by turning the pillow over (to get the cooler side by my face) and/or just pushing the duvet down a bit so there's more air on my shoulders and/or sticking my feet out at one side.

But my husband also seems to have become more 'temperature sensitive.' His strategy is to get out a separate sheet and light blanket for when he overheads, and to tuck this at the foot of the bed, on his side. If he feels too warm, he then rolls this up and pushes the entire duvet across to me.

I inevitably wake up when this happens, plus I then have extra bedding on my side. The added weight and heat makes it harder for me to settle back down, but I usually manage this after half an hour or so. Usually at some point in the small hours my husband decides he is too cold and pulls the duvet back. This tends to make a cold draught which wakes me again.

In the morning my husband will dump the sheet and blanket in an untidy heap on top of a blanket chest which is in our room

I was quite pleased when the summer was over as I thought this faffing about had finally come to an end. However, last night there were two disturbances. First of all he'd not been listening when my 18 year old daughter said she'd be coming back after an evening at her friends. He thought she'd be out overnight and locked the door, so she had to ring to be let in. The phone was right by my side of the bed, and it's always a bit alarming to get a phonecall after you've gone to sleep. I'd let her in and had just started to settle back down when he said he was too hot. I said, we can put the summer weight duvet on if you like. He said no, he wanted his sheet and blanket.

At that point I said I would sleep in the spare room. It still took me a while to settle because I felt cross at all the disturbances. I discussed the problem with him this morning - but just feel that sharing with him is not working at all well at the moment.

What would other people do in this situation? I do feel I am getting more peace and sleep in the spare room.

Absolutely move in to the spare room. Tell dd why though or she'll think you're splitting up and ensure that your sex life doesn't disappear altogether as a result or neither of you will be happy. Absolutely separate rooms is the way to go. Or single beds? But why do that when you can both have a double

Separate rooms saved my marriage. Tossing, turning, snoring dumping duvet on me and not wanting the window open. I got to dread gong to bed.

I also bought mysel a really comfy single bed.

We're in separate rooms. Makes me a bit sad BUT I won't move back in
I used to be massively fat and snored, we rowed so.much in the night that I flounced out about 7 yrs ago. He snores too

I am no.longer fat and I don't snore so he's asked several times if I'd come back ... he still snores! Also I always bowed to him with the shut window and no air blah blah and I. Love having window open, fan on, MN in the night blah blah so, it ain't happening!

Me and my husband probably sleep in separate rooms about four nights a week and it is bliss!!!!! Sharing a bed with him drives me insane because he constantly interrupts my sleep and I hate it!

Bed sharing is over rated

Or two single duvets on your bed to allow for chang s without disturbing the other. But no, yanbu to relocate. Happy sleeping.

Hell yes to separate rooms. We did this a few months ago and my sleep is so much better.

My DH has the audacity to BREATHE and I had to wear earplugs.

Now I can choose whatever bedding I want, read my book in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. It is bliss.

Move him and his blankie into the spare room. We have a super king sized bed and find that a sheet and two single duvets works for us.

I think you absolutely should, and am amazed you haven't done it ages ago!

We have occasion spare room nights but would make it permanent if my dh faffed that much. Last night dh went in spare room because he wanted to go to bed really early and I need to read/ chill out before sleeping.

We have a duvet each, to our preferred tog rating.

Hang on a minute, he's the one being selfish/thoughtless here, why should the OP have to give up her bed?

Shoving the entire duvet over at you in the middle of the night and randomly yanking it back; dumping his special sheets in an untidy heap for someone else (you) to tidy each day; not paying attention to your DD meaning your sleep was disturbed by the phone...

You need to kick him into the spare room.

We have two 4 tog double duvets on our bed. One each to throw off as we like, but if it's cold we can share them in the middle...it works perfectly..maybe you could try this?

Set the spare room up for him. Stay in your room.

Unless you prefer the spare room.

We have a duvet each. It works better as I get cold easily and he gets hot easily.

And get your DD a key.

No, YANBU. I've recently been fantasising about having a spare room to sleep in. DH huffs and puffs throughout the night (in his sleep) which, to be fair, only disturbs me if I'm awake but insomnia is creeping into my sleep pattern. Courtesy, I think, of the peri menopause!

But, what is really pissing me off is when he turns over in the night he does it so aggressively as if he is fucked off to the eyeballs and trying to make a point but, again, he is asleep when he does this!!

And don't get me started on the breathing......so heavy and noisy. Especially on the exhale when it sounds like he is forcing it out.

Oh, and lastly, when the alarm goes off it's like panic stations - scrambling to find his phone (same place every day!?), knocking things over and bemoaning the fact that the alarm has gone off. Not that best start to my day...

Single duvets?

I hate sleeping with anyone. Ever! I emphasise sleeping. Sex is a different matter.

Dh thrashes about in his sleep and this constant restlessness drives me insane. I have my own room and I love the fact I can sleep at last!

DD has a key. It's just an inner door which whoever's locking up - normally my husband - bolts for the night if everybody has come back.

I don't think I am (or have been) the easiest person to share a bed with. Recently there's been some menopausal thing where I get (nasty, noisy) acid reflux when I lie down at night. But I have now managed to control it pretty well by avoiding snacks in the evening.

So perhaps a sense of there being (at times) six of one and half a dozen of the other has kept me hanging on in there.

I quite like the spare room. There's a window right by the bed and having it open - with the cool air on my face - does really help with the hot flushes. Plus, since my husband retired, there may be some additional sense of needing space.

When he was working long hours night was a time when we could be together - even if asleep. But now he's around most of the day. (I work from home a lot, so we're both in the house together.)

Oh my god, I sympathise with you all! My other half snores and has restless leg syndrome. I'm a light sleeper and it drives me nuts! I had stopped reading last night and picked up my book again and read till 12.30 as he was twitching so much. Add to that an old fashioned mattress that reverberates any sounds through it (it's cheap and hollow springed). At least we have a king size bed now. Some nights I long for another room to sleep in. I stayed at my mums house for 2 night recently due to OH doing building work on our old cottage and it was bliss sleeping alone! I feel mean for moaning about him cos my OH is lovely, kind and hard working. I just wish he was a quiet sleeper!

you lucky thing, having a spare room. go for it.
very tempting in this household as well. DH is sure I have all the bed, and bangs around aggressively. yet I know i only have a bit to the left of me, I am snug when I go to bed but freezing when I wake up but dread getting the winter duvet as I will then be too hot.

We have a spare room but I prefer to stay in with DH. We swapped our bed for the biggest we could get and I recommend that. We also only ever have the lightest weight duvet on and a quilted bedspread type cover over that, which is very warm, so either of us can pull that up if its needed. It's tucked in at the bottom of the bed and folded back as a rule, so no nasty heap in the mornings.

You can also buy keep/stay cool pillows, but I haven't tried them.

I use a lavender spray before bed, just mist the pillow covers and keep the bedroom temperature quite cool. Before I go to bed the last thing I do is run cold water over my wrists and I keep my tablet handy to read if I can't sleep in the middle of the night.

If DH snores I hiss 'turn over' until he does and it usually stops, usually

My DH and I don't share a bed, we haven't for years. It makes me sad sometimes, but it's for the best really! I am a light sleeper and he's very active and he snores (so do I, but it doesn't bother him). I had tried earplugs etc. but even if that did help with the noise, him thrashing around on the bed every 10 minutes when he was 'turning over' would wake me up anyway.

We are going to get a super-king bed in the not-too distant future, with two separate mattresses and two duvets and try again, but I'm not holding out that much hope!

Every morning I sneak into his bed and we have a cuddle and a cup of tea, so I don't really think it's a negative in our relationship particularly!

Oddly we can easily nap in the day in the same bed, but nighttime sleep is a different matter.